Help for the helpers?

[in1peace]

I know I sound like a whiney baby, but I really need the support of my husband and my mom.
Today I told my mom how I'd been panic-free all weekend, but that the rain today made me think of the hurricane Katrina. I told her I was a bit worried about how it would bring some bad weather to our area (which is NO where near the coast, but we are getting weather alerts about possible flooding and winds as it crosses the US). I told her that this made me panic and that I had to breathe through it. She said, "You need to pray for the people who are in that hurricane, instead of worrying about the weather here!" And I just tuned her out after that. It really bugged me the rest of the day. I already pray fervently about all of my fears and I DO pray constantly about people involved in the most current news-worthy traumas. But she just doesn't get it when I try to talk to her about panic. I want her to realize that I just need a pat on the back or a reminder to breathe or something. You know? I don't need parently advice. In fact, I feel totally stupid when she does give advice when it comes to this disorder, because she thinks I just need to learn how to think positive. How do we get the ones we love to understand what we need from them? (I don't even know exactly what I need!) I have such a difficult time with her, because my dad has been an anxious person all their married life and she is so annoyed with his worries. So when I come across as anxious, she is so tired of it that she gets short with me.
And my husband thinks everything is fine now that my medication is keeping me from waking with nightmares. I don't know how to explain that I am still reeling inside, trying to grasp what has happened to me and why. I don't want him to be worried about me or fuss over me, but I don't want to pretend that I haven't just come through hell either. It's not easy carrying on as usual!

"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)

[eeyorelover]

hi there -
I know what you mean !!!
My whole family seems to think that I should just get over it and get on with things. I tried to bring it up with my husband by showing him this site and thought that if he saw other people have the same symptoms maybe he would understand but that didn't happen.
I guess maybe you have to go through a panic attack to know how it feels.
That's what keeps me coming back here. It's comforting to be able to come here and say hey guys I was able to go out shopping today or something like that that other people might think is trivial but here everyone knows how hard that is for someone like me and help me feel better about myself for being able to take some control over this thing.
All I can say is ... when you need a pat on the back or a shoulder to lean on, you can count on me!!!
your friend,
Sandy
eeyorelover

[Quirky]

Hi there,
I understand too. My step mum often tells me to just be more positive or get out and do more to keep my mind busy, very hard when you have ME too! But being such a positive person she doesn't understand, she tries to but if you haven't had it yourself it's hard to understand fully.
My husband tries to be supportive but he sometimes gets frustrated with me because he doesn't understand.
I often feel bad for my silly little worries when there are people out there suffering very real tradgedies.
I know where you're coming from, but we're all here to encourage and support you.
LJ :)

[Phill2]

Hi Guys
I'm having the same prob with my wife. At first she was very worried about me and supportive but now her attitude is 'Think of something else" which doesn't help at all.
Things that I see as giant steps she sees as nothing.
I actually thought I was over it 6 months ago but then I got a high pressure job in Real Estate and its making life hard again.
My motto is don't give in to it. If you don't want to do something because you're anxious then do it anyway.
Phill

[in1peace]

Thank you Sandy, Phill and the Symbol that I cannot replicate on my keyboard. LOL!! (What is that symbol anyway??)
I hate the guilty feeling I get when people don't understand this. I mean, why in the world would someone want to live in a panicky state purposely? No one would. But sometimes you get the feeling that people think you asked for this.
It's like for 3 months I went through living hell and no one around me understood how frantic and isolating this is. I'm getting better now, but it makes me angry that the ones I try to seek support from think I should just get over it and be fine now. I WANT to get over it. I am making great strides to get over it. But I want someone to say, "Take a break! Go relax! You have been through hell, I'm going to take care of things for you today." If I'd experienced a broken bone, that's what people would be saying/doing. But when it comes to breaking my brain, I'm just supposed to get on with life and act like it never happened.
Sorry... I'm feeling a bit angry today.
Thank you everyone for your support! It's great to now be able to chat with people who understand.


"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)

[eeyorelover]

yw and don't be shy about PMing if you need to chat
:)

Sandy
(eeyorelover)

[Meg]

Partners How Do Yours Cope?? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=61)

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[in1peace]

Thanks for that link Meg!
I'm feeling very guilty today. If you read the news about New Orleans, Mississippi, and Alabama, it looks pretty grim.
I woke from a dream about travelling somewhere and watching in disbelief as some people couldn't get to where I was going because they were too poor or weren't able. Yet I was able to keep on going. I realized my dream was about the fact that someone always has it worse than what I do. And rather than speed on by through life, I need to slow down and reach out to help others.
On waking, I remembered a verse from the Bible that says, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." I'd read that verse and always thought it was figurative, but it occurred to me this morning that it wasn't. I have been so panicked and anxiety-riddled trying to protect myself and my children from any form of hurt or harm, that I am literally killing myself. What I mean is, anxiety/panic disorder is running me into the ground, physically disabling me because I fear what I can't control. I realized that I need to get outside of myself, get outside of my worrying thoughts, and try to take care of other people who don't necessarily have the means to help themselves. I think maybe some of these symptoms will go away when I do.
Please don't get me wrong anyone.. I realize that alot of you have panic/anxiety over past trauma and you are really, truly unable to find any relief. I'm not saying that you should take the line of thinking that I have. There may be so much more to it for you than for me. But I'm thinking that alot of my trouble has to do with a thought process in my head that has been habit for many, many years and I've got to undo it. This is a personal revelation for me. It may be something very different for any of you. So don't take what I'm saying as necessarily applying to you or your situation.
Please forgive me if my ranting yesterday about the hurricane seemed insensitive. The people of Louisiana especially need our prayers and whatever support we can help with. I'm sorry for coming across selfishly. I'm just glad that there are people on this site who care and read these posts and have wonderful suggestions. Thank you for letting me rant.
Love and prayers,
Andrea


"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)

[Phill2]

Hi Guys
My wife is afraid of water so I try to get her to understand by likening the sensation to being in a 10 foot boat in the middle of the ocean in a hurricane but her reply is " I wouldn't be there in the first place" If only it were that easy!
Phill