Here We Go Again and an Introduction

[girlmom]

I'm not even sure where to begin. I guess I'll start by saying I'm a 39 year old mother of 2 girls and have a 48 year old husband that was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I became anxious about my health about 10 years ago and it got totally out of control. I spent thousands on tests, doctor visits, etc. I Googled myself into a total frenzy, diagnosing myself with all types of terrible diseases. After a year or two I finally snapped out of it and focused my energy on trying to have children. Instead of visiting health anxiety boards I visited trying to conceive boards. I have two girls, 18 months and 4 and they keep me super busy. I haven't even thought about health stuff in years and even looked back on some of the things I used to do, realizing how out of control it all was and how I'd never go down that road again. I really thought I had this behind me, until now....my husbands diagnosis has me terrified. I don't want to scare anyone here with major details but I'm basically watching someone waste away and he's having a rough time with treatment. He has been told there is no cure, only time being bought. I feel nervous and panicky all the time. Every time he coughs or does anything out of the ordinary I panic. The past month I got a nasty cold and I'm still suffering from chest congestion, tightness in my chest and shortness of breath. I'm so scared that now I have lung cancer! I did smoke but quit over 10 years ago. I'm trying to be realistic. I mean, what are the chances of me being diagnosed with lung cancer right after he is? I'm sure it's probably allergies, left over stuff from the cold and some of this is probably that my nerves are just shot! It's all I can do to keep myself from Googling, AHHHHHHH! I don't know how I'm going to get through with what is going on with him and not fixating on stuff going on with me. I guess this anxiety thing never really goes away.

[lauren6]

Hi girlmom. I am so sorry to hear about your husband and what you are going through. There is a time difference and since most of the folks on here are from the U.K., the board often gets quiet at night because it's the middle of the night there...so I thought I'd say hi from the states.

Your last sentence is kind of true. I think if we are predisposed to anxiety, it does rear its head during times of actual stress, often during holidays like Christmas. Even people who don't have anxiety conditions get stressed out then.

It is very unlikely that you also have lung cancer. As a former smoker (so am I), it comes into our minds aha, I should have quit...why did I ever smoke. I had a cancer scare on a cat scan (subsequent cat scan showed what it really was...not cancer) but then I could have killed myself for ever smoking and we can't go back in time. The fact that you had a cold, sounds like you just have the residual cough which can last for many weeks. But how about getting a chest x-ray? Wouldn't that calm your fears immediately?

You do need to be there for him now and as hard as it is, you have to be selfless for his sake. Sure, you have your own fears and they will be hard to hide but it might be unfair to have him worried about you right now. Is there a girlfriend with whom you can discuss your fears, someone to cry to, to vent to? You can always talk to us here and the people here are wonderful, you can post as much as you like but a real live in person friend might help.

Try hard to get this into perspective, try to remember all the calming techniques you might have learned in your anxiety days or google them for now instead of the scary stuff. I don't think any doctor would refuse you a chest x-ray, that's so routine. How do you feel about doing that, calling on Tuesday, if he's closed on Monday for the holiday and getting that taken care of? You WILL get through this, like they say, one day at a time...and you will calm down and use as much logic as you can muster. Hugs, Lauren

[girlmom]

Hi Lauren,
Thanks for your response! I'm sorry for the delay in responding to you. My computer went down right after I posted this. Anyway, chest is feeling quite a bit better. I know an x-ray would ease my mind. (if it turned out alright!) I'm so busy with my husband's appts and my two kids, I'm not sure how to work that in at the moment. I'm hoping that it will continue to feel better and I can quit worrying about it.

I haven't even told my husband I'm worrying about it. I wouldn't want him worrying about anything else right now. I feel selfish even thinking about myself with all that's going around here. I need to focus on him and be strong.

I do have a few people to talk to but it's the same people from 10 years ago and honestly, they don't get it. That's why I sought out help online, with people that truly understand health anxiety.

Thanks again for your reply. I really appreciate it!:)

[blondie47]

Wow, you sure have a lot on your plate. I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I think anyone might get panicky in your situation, even those without health anxiety. I do think the chances of you having lung cancer at the same time as your husband are very very slim, especially since both of you (especially you) are relatively young.

The chest x-ray is probably going to give you the peace of mind you need, but I understand your reluctance to have one. I am struggling with the same fear -- I want to have it done to ease my mind, but the other part of my mind doesn't want to know if its bad news. Crazy, I know, but I know you and others here understand.

Good luck, and keep us posted. And many blessings to your husband. I hope the doctors can buy him some more time and keep him comfortable.