Plz help, im wigging out

[becca08]

Hi

I need as much help as possible as im completley wigging out and i cant seem to get back on my feet.

My fellas family are from greec and last year they invited me to go witht hem, but then they realised there wounldnt be enoguht room, so i was told by his nan that I wouldnt beable to go, and eversince me and my fella have been waiting to here if he was going to have to go, as he didnt want to go without me and if im honest i didnt want him to go with out me.

anyway the call came today from him family and insted of the 2 weeks originaly planned they are now going for 3 weeks and just to make ti that much better they are going on my birthday.

I know im being spoilt but i dotn want him to go let alone for 3 weeks and on my birthday of all days, and he realy dosnt wanna go either, I feel like im gonna break down any second and i dont know what to do,

to make ti even worce i am going to his house for dimnner this evening with his family and i dont think i will bea ble to handel it.

I dotn know what to do, i feel sooo wigged out and i cant seem to carm down,

Plz help

[goingmadder]

Hey becca,

take a breath....

I know how you feel and understand why you're upset but lets look at this realistically....

He DOESN'T HAVE TO GO!

If he doesn't want to go and feels compelled by family expectations then surely a compromise could be reached.. he could book his own ticket and leave uk for Greece perhaps for the begining of the third week his family are there, that way he can be with you for your birthday and also spend a week with his family ....

On the other side of things, there being no room for you seems a bit silly... if it were me and my family told me theres no room for my other half I woudl either refuse to go altogether or book into a different hotel or apartment just the two of us and meet with his family on a daily basis there...

There are lots of ways round this

Don't let it get to you and dont keep your mouth shut.... Bottling it up will only make it worse for you ...talk to your fella calmly and realistically, dont give ultimatums but give reasonable suggestions....

Hope it works out hunny... but remember its never the end of the world even if it may seem that way for us at times!!

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[becca08]

thanks for your reply, his mum has told him if he dosnt go for the full 3 weeks he may as well spend that time packing his bags, so he realy dose have to go, and they know its my birthday but its his mums the weekafter and she wants to be with her family,

drew is gutted that he cant take me and that he cant stay at home, but he is stopping with family so cant sleep elsewhere, i just dont know how im going to face his mum and nan tonight, I have no issue speka ing to drew but i dont get on with him mum 2 much cos she trests himlike a child and i stuggle to understand his nan who was the one who invited me in the first place without thinking becasue she dont speak much english,

They dont know i have OCD or GAD and im worried they are gonna think im a freek or reject me if i cant settle bu 2night.

by the way that is my fear of their opinion, i dont think im a freek they can be very closed minded abt these kind of things and the langwich barrier dosnt help

[becca08]

just an uodate, i couldnt face his family so we went out for diner, i coudlnt hold myself together, im soo ashamed, i just kept breaking down, i dont understand why this is happening, i know its not he end of the world but i cant seem to stop myself

[goingmadder]

Hey becca,

Still think your being too hard on yourself.. apart from the GAD you also seem to be taking on his responsibility in all this...

He's a big boy rght. and if his mother treats him as a child its only because he's allowing her too.. the fact that his mum has given him the ultimatum come or pack your bags shows a large ammount of selfishness on her part.

You don't have anything to worry about i mean this in the sense that mostly it is your own anxiety making you feel this way.. but with regards to your relationship as a whole sounds like there are underlying issues that wont just go away...

You and him both have to make adult decision about your lives and be realistic about how much you are willing to put up with.. a bad relationship with the motherinlaw is nothing new happens to many people but it is something that can and will cause problems in your relationship if he is not willing to put her in her place...

its one thing to have respect and love for your family, its something entirely different to allow faily "elders" to continually control your life... If he's ok with his mother controlling him thats for him to decide but are you?...

I understand it must be hard but perhaps you could try to build bridges with his mother... if this is something you know is never gonna happen then I would be very up front with her about the whole thing... What have you got to lose...? You relationship is already being controlled by this woman... These "old skool" mothers, of which i have come across many times over will never cut the apron strings because their entire existence is about control!

So either get yourself a giant pair of proverbial scissors and do the cutting yourself, or stand up for yourself to him and his family and let him decide.

Don't let yourself get dreagged down and don't let your anxiety and fear cause you to stay in a relatioonship that you can not fully enjoy...

Hope you find the courage to be your own BOSS here and stand up for yourself.

Good luck buddy

X