halfstepdown88
26-05-09, 21:10
Okay. My panic attack last night is kind of blurred by the fact that there was other things involved. I know I made the mistake already, it already happened, but here it is.
About 2 - 3 years ago, I used a lot of drugs. High doses and very frequent. I quit and have been lucky enough to be healthy. Well, last night, I decided to "have a little fun" (turned out not to be fun but a little hellish) with mary jane. I thought it was the strain indica, which is supposed to be calming, because what I used to smoke was sativa, which I NEVER smoke anymore, because it just causes paranoa and scares me.
Well they tell me later, "oh crap. Yeah that was sativa". Anyways..
I honestly have never been that messed up or scared in my ENTIRE life. My heartbeat is normally 55 beats per minute. We measured mine and it was 90. That scared me, I asked what would kill someone, my friend said 180 to 200 is max. That still didn't convince me.
The scariest part was my body was SHAKING. My legs were uncontrollably shaky and messed up. I wasn't able to communicate with anyone. They would ask me questions and I wouldn't even know how to respond.
Then it just got horrible. I was thinking of death. I started hearing things. The TV was on but I couldn't focus on it. The sounds coming from the TV would make weird songs and noises. I would start getting caught up in it then realize, thats not normal at all and it would scare me. The veins on my friends hands popped out and his arm changed into this dark red kind of shade and looked dead. It wasn't like the red color, it was "reddish" and looked very real. I saw a face of the devil in the carpet. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. I asked my friend if a doctor would even be able to help, besides just putting water through my system. I couldn't really eat because my mouth was dry, and I was afraid that if I ate it would choke me. I kept drinking a bunch of water.
I was extremely cold to. I grabbed my friend's hand and asked if I felt alright and he jumped back and said I felt like ice. I got a blanket from my friend and was laying there on his couch with a sweater and blanket on. I usually am actually more on the hot side. I normally keep my room at like 65 degrees sometimes even 60, but now in a normal house I was FREEZING.
I was too afraid to sleep because I was going to die. I would drift off and all a sudden it would feel as if I was dead, and my friend was dead next to me and it would scare me. I tried to convince myself to sleep and to accept death and that it wouldn't happen, but I COULDN'T. I was terrified of death.
This lasted what felt like days. When you have panic attacks does it change your perception of time? It did in reality pass I think an hour or so, actually in all honesty I have no idea. Finally had to leave and I was too afraid to ride my motorcyle home so my friend drove and just dropped me off in the morning.
This morning I kind of cried because of how scary it was. I thought I got messed up permanently from smoking. I then got on this site and started reading and it made me feel a lot better, knowing that I haven't lost my mind and that was just permanent.
That was terrific. I now understand why people get the way they do on panic attacks. I am wondering if you think that I am susceptible to panic attacks now. I definitely will stay away from marijuana though. Do you think if I just keep clean I won't have one again?
Also, if this helps at all, right now I am currently debating on breaking up with my girlfriend of 2 years. It wasn't a good idea to smoke, because I would start thinking about that and have to put it aside because it would mess me up. I regretted smoking and hated it but realized I had to just go through it.
I also thought about going to the hospital, and the thought of being willing to pay the hospital bills just so that would end crossed my mind.
I also remember becoming VERY scared. Confirming that noone has died from marijuana numerous times with my friends. And I remember thinking that I was dying, and that noone else was noticing or would do anything if something happened because they were all high and would just let me lay there and die.
Messed up stuff. I kind of asked questions all throughout that post. Thanks everyone. This seems like a good site.
About 2 - 3 years ago, I used a lot of drugs. High doses and very frequent. I quit and have been lucky enough to be healthy. Well, last night, I decided to "have a little fun" (turned out not to be fun but a little hellish) with mary jane. I thought it was the strain indica, which is supposed to be calming, because what I used to smoke was sativa, which I NEVER smoke anymore, because it just causes paranoa and scares me.
Well they tell me later, "oh crap. Yeah that was sativa". Anyways..
I honestly have never been that messed up or scared in my ENTIRE life. My heartbeat is normally 55 beats per minute. We measured mine and it was 90. That scared me, I asked what would kill someone, my friend said 180 to 200 is max. That still didn't convince me.
The scariest part was my body was SHAKING. My legs were uncontrollably shaky and messed up. I wasn't able to communicate with anyone. They would ask me questions and I wouldn't even know how to respond.
Then it just got horrible. I was thinking of death. I started hearing things. The TV was on but I couldn't focus on it. The sounds coming from the TV would make weird songs and noises. I would start getting caught up in it then realize, thats not normal at all and it would scare me. The veins on my friends hands popped out and his arm changed into this dark red kind of shade and looked dead. It wasn't like the red color, it was "reddish" and looked very real. I saw a face of the devil in the carpet. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. I asked my friend if a doctor would even be able to help, besides just putting water through my system. I couldn't really eat because my mouth was dry, and I was afraid that if I ate it would choke me. I kept drinking a bunch of water.
I was extremely cold to. I grabbed my friend's hand and asked if I felt alright and he jumped back and said I felt like ice. I got a blanket from my friend and was laying there on his couch with a sweater and blanket on. I usually am actually more on the hot side. I normally keep my room at like 65 degrees sometimes even 60, but now in a normal house I was FREEZING.
I was too afraid to sleep because I was going to die. I would drift off and all a sudden it would feel as if I was dead, and my friend was dead next to me and it would scare me. I tried to convince myself to sleep and to accept death and that it wouldn't happen, but I COULDN'T. I was terrified of death.
This lasted what felt like days. When you have panic attacks does it change your perception of time? It did in reality pass I think an hour or so, actually in all honesty I have no idea. Finally had to leave and I was too afraid to ride my motorcyle home so my friend drove and just dropped me off in the morning.
This morning I kind of cried because of how scary it was. I thought I got messed up permanently from smoking. I then got on this site and started reading and it made me feel a lot better, knowing that I haven't lost my mind and that was just permanent.
That was terrific. I now understand why people get the way they do on panic attacks. I am wondering if you think that I am susceptible to panic attacks now. I definitely will stay away from marijuana though. Do you think if I just keep clean I won't have one again?
Also, if this helps at all, right now I am currently debating on breaking up with my girlfriend of 2 years. It wasn't a good idea to smoke, because I would start thinking about that and have to put it aside because it would mess me up. I regretted smoking and hated it but realized I had to just go through it.
I also thought about going to the hospital, and the thought of being willing to pay the hospital bills just so that would end crossed my mind.
I also remember becoming VERY scared. Confirming that noone has died from marijuana numerous times with my friends. And I remember thinking that I was dying, and that noone else was noticing or would do anything if something happened because they were all high and would just let me lay there and die.
Messed up stuff. I kind of asked questions all throughout that post. Thanks everyone. This seems like a good site.