View Full Version : Eating with others
Hi,
Great forum. I'll try not to make this post epic, I just want to get it off my chest and see what others have to say about it.
I have trouble eating meals with other people. This has bugged me since the middle of last year when I had a panic attack at my friend's mother's funeral. Before that I'd been fussy and had never really eaten a lot, but could always just sit down to dinner with people.
This spread to affect most of my life, making me panic about stuff like just seeing my friends. I'm getting a handle on it now, but the problem is still there.
Anyway, this is really bothering me. I want to be able to sit down to dinner with people and go to parties etc. without getting worked up into a state.
I've tried self help stuff like CBT books and talking to people, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress. I'm very reluctant to go to the doctor. I'm a medical student and am very concerned that having a bad diagnosis on my record could affect future job prospects.
Well, that's me. In my current state, anyway. I don't believe this will always be a problem, but at the moment it is.
Your thoughts?
Thanks.
What symptoms do you have matey? Shaky hands, self-conciousness, blushing, sweating maybe?
My brother-in-law cannot eat with other people. He misses out on all family gatherings and work dinners. When they go on holiday, he has room service to avoid the dining room. He has no idea what started it, but his doctor said the only way to overcome it was to do it.
Good luck with your difficulty.
Thanks for getting back to me.
I get hot, start sweating, I shake, feel sick and dizzy. Of course the whole time I'm conscious that people may notice these things and with all of that I completely lose my appetite - exactly at the point when I am expected to eat. It's quite a thing.
I've managed to get more of handle on it recently, but it's still such a struggle. Every time I think I've made progress, something else seems to happen. I try to force myself, but the whole thing is always so traumatic that I can never convince myself it's going to be OK.
The eating thing is the most obvious problem at the moment. For a time it spilled over into all social activities, which I'm getting better at now. I still get jittery going to anything vaguely social.
Do you think I should go to the doctor? I would rather go to my University counselling service, but I'm not sure I can get through the summer without feeling like I'm doing something active to deal with this.
I've only just finished my first year at medical school, so please don't think I know all these is to know about this lol
Hi. I think it would be a good idea to go to the uni councellors, or even student's union advisors. They will have heard it all before and can give you confidential advice. Good luck!
Do you think a course of CBT would work for me?
I'm sceptical as I think it's just a case of repetition to reduce my sensitivity. However, any positive stories would greatly help my faith in it.
Thanks for getting back to me.
I get hot, start sweating, I shake, feel sick and dizzy. Of course the whole time I'm conscious that people may notice these things and with all of that I completely lose my appetite - exactly at the point when I am expected to eat. It's quite a thing.
I've managed to get more of handle on it recently, but it's still such a struggle. Every time I think I've made progress, something else seems to happen. I try to force myself, but the whole thing is always so traumatic that I can never convince myself it's going to be OK.
The eating thing is the most obvious problem at the moment. For a time it spilled over into all social activities, which I'm getting better at now. I still get jittery going to anything vaguely social.
Do you think I should go to the doctor? I would rather go to my University counselling service, but I'm not sure I can get through the summer without feeling like I'm doing something active to deal with this.
I've only just finished my first year at medical school, so please don't think I know all these is to know about this lol
As a Med student I'd play it smart and keep any problems you have out of Uni/student counsellors. More than likely you'll come through this in time, but meanwhile you don't want to leave a trail that may or may not affect you in any way - I personally would risk chatter. And I know from experience what faculty staff can be like (many are perfectly lovely though).
You got to find the cause of the anxiety, I developed a problem just like yours after my first year at Uni. I hated functions and public speaking but I was also incredibly active so I was daily in situations where I had to eat in front of people, often formally. My hands were crazy couldn't hold a fork in my left hand without it shaking violently when I raised it to my mouth. So I used to eat like an American, and cut a few portions of meat in to bitesized pieces, then switch the fork to my right hand and quickly pop it in (the stuff you have to do to survive.. lol)
I would get extremely hot, and sweaty and red.. and wow, what a nightmare 2 years I had. It snowballs as well so you end up hating even going out.
My problem was self-image, that's what it came down to, but I didn't realise it for many years later. My positive self-image had been shattered by a series of events.
You'll need to do some soul-searching and find out what the cause of your anxiety is, and deal with it head-on.
Quickly learn self-confidence fixes, even short term fixes that make you feel good. Exercise regularly, eat clean (avoid stimulants and sugars and too may fats) - that definitely curbs it. Instead of hot drinks, have cold ones, stuff like that can help in the short term.
Do see your doctor, but try to avoid taking prescription meds - that's an easy mistake to make. The real fixes are done in your mind. CBT is a better option.
GL!
Thanks very much Carefree! Just reading that helped a lot.
I think you're right about the soul-searching. At the moment I just fixate on what I'm doing wrong and wonder how other people do the stuff I don't feel I can.
Gonna take a little while free to have a think about things and formulate a plan (ever the doctor).
Thanks again.
hey
i have had this problem for just over 4 years. it is the result of an underyling problem. i was bullied at school for something v embarrassing that i did and that people saw, but i denied it. when having a meal placed in front of me i would freeze, i would wonder if people were judging me, trying to 'catch me out'....
i had counselling, humanistic to build my low self esteem. and then i had some CBT which i felt was a bit reductionist but very practical.
i actually am so pleased to see its not just me who has trouble eating around others. and yes like you it spread to other areas of my life.
i am much better now, have put on 2 stone so much be doing something right!! only thing is, i did lose my bf.. BUT that wasnt the only reason we broke up. lots of other factors.
Good luck. it can b overcome :)
Jackie
Lilica-Demetier
10-08-09, 17:26
I have the same problem, I won't even let my nan see me eat. I don't know why, I feel like people judge me cos I'm quite skinny and they assume I don't eat and I get really nervous that they're watching me. So I can completely understand how you feel. Maybe the best thing to do is think of something else whilst out for meals..try focusing on something else.
Also, the only way this would affect your job prospects was if you were put in a hospital for mental illness. Just talking to your doctor probably wouldn't be a problem at all. You might need some counselling.
I think it does come down to self-confidence...I know that's what it is with me anyway. I think the more you do something, the easier it gets. It's a matter of pushing yourself sometimes.
I wish you luck with overcoming this problem
X
I have pretty much exactly the same thing. Eating when I'm around a table is the worst, I guess it's because I'm facing people.
This could stem from so many things, bullied at primary school (always at lunch, while we were eating) to my parents who always have fights at the dinner table (I would get a knot in my stomach but we'd have to stay there and eat.) I don't know.
First panic attack took place at my boyfriends dinner table, it was horrible. Thought I was going to faint or throw up, was really warm etc.
It's just crazy annoying, I lost a load of weight and even now I feel nervous about a dinner/meeting my boyfriend and I have on Sunday.
Sorry, just felt like venting a little bit =]
Definitely the place to vent, Laloula. Thanks for sharing :)
Would just like say thanks to all who have replied so far, been so helpful for me.
I've still got the problem, but I haven't yet seen anyone about it. Will certainly post an update here when something new happens (for the better).
I also get this,
Its not the self-consciousness or anything with me, Its just I always feel sick and nauseous when I have to eat infront of people.
One reason why Im dreading moving into Uni halls next week, How on earth will I cope, Ill look a bit weird taking my food into my room all the time lol.
Hey if that's what you need to do, that's what you need to do.
I'm sure they won't mind =] and perhaps in time you can explain it to them so they'll understand a bit better?
Just don't force yourself to do things that might make you feel worse.
(Oh wow I should follow my own advice, I always make
myself do things :D) But yeah, try not to worry about what they might or might not think.
sMINT, put that straight out of your mind - it's really quite common to take your food away to eat on your own :)
I'm also at Uni and my particular group of friends just love going out to restaurants, which is my most difficult situation to deal with. Really struggle with that.
Remember that you're starting afresh - be how you want to be. If that's being the person who doesnt wanna eat with others then so be it. Try and deal with the problem but give yourself some breathing space initially.
Have fun at University, I'm sure you'll love it.
Im at a bbq tomorrow im dreading it :(
Its people I dont really know as well which makes it worse. Think ill just get drunk
sMINT, put that straight out of your mind - it's really quite common to take your food away to eat on your own :)
I'm also at Uni and my particular group of friends just love going out to restaurants, which is my most difficult situation to deal with. Really struggle with that.
Remember that you're starting afresh - be how you want to be. If that's being the person who doesnt wanna eat with others then so be it. Try and deal with the problem but give yourself some breathing space initially.
Have fun at University, I'm sure you'll love it.
Hey, Thanks man.
Do you know people at Uni who take their food into their room?
I think I will have to becuase my anxiety makes me feel sick at the moment when eating in front of people, Theres no way ill be able to eat infront of people at uni as well lol.
It's pretty much the done thing at my Uni, when I was in halls.
Occasionally people will want to do a cook up in the kitchen and get everyone in to eat round the table, but you can excuse yourself from that (I know I'd hate that).
Uni is such a different place to anything you've encountered before (probably) - it's all very laid back and everyone being the way they want to be.
Try not to worry - believe me when I say it's quite alright to walk away with your food if it makes you more comfortable :)
Good luck with the BBQ, Luke1982!
belladonna_01
12-09-09, 01:12
I can eat soup in public. That's it. Usually I make an excuse about not being hungry. Everything seems to make me choke and get nervous. Sometimes I go all day without eating and then just drink protein shakes and such.
Tonights the big night and im dreading it, my girlfriends offering to make me something before i go (im a lousy cook) so that I dont have to eat there but people will think im strange going to a bbq and not eating really dont know what to do.
I think im gonna have a few drinks before I go, ill be getting the bus there so thats even worse means ill have time to think about it too much before i even get there!
Wish me luck lol
It's pretty much the done thing at my Uni, when I was in halls.
Occasionally people will want to do a cook up in the kitchen and get everyone in to eat round the table, but you can excuse yourself from that (I know I'd hate that).
Uni is such a different place to anything you've encountered before (probably) - it's all very laid back and everyone being the way they want to be.
Try not to worry - believe me when I say it's quite alright to walk away with your food if it makes you more comfortable :)
Good luck with the BBQ, Luke1982!
Thanks man, Im just going to tell everyone there on day one to get it out in the open and for them not to think Im anti-social or anything like that. I mean, like you said, I am 'me' after all. Its what I want to do!
Thanks again for the reassurance.
And good luck witht he BBQ Luke. I always have that thing with them thinking Im weird for not wanting to eat there. I always eat before parties and stuff these days, I cant remember the last time someone said to me 'have something to eat' and ive actually said yes, its always 'oh no im ok thanks i ate just before coming'/
Im sure it'll go fine :)
Thanks mate, im def eating before I go and im gonna get very very drunk before the bus, it will be a cheap night im sure.
Hey good luck Luke!
Just remember, whatever happens it will be over soon and then you won't have to worry about htat particular BBQ but I'm sure it won't be as bad as you expect =]
I'm supposed to be eating round someone elses house tomorrow, never met them although my boyfriend asked and was told we won't be sitting around the table (phew, makes it alot easier)
I always worry about people thinking I have some sort of eating disorder because I am quite skinny and always make excuses about why I don't eat alot, oh well. I know I shouldn't care what they think, really.
I am the drink king!!!!!!!!!
Good for your, sMINT - you got the right attitude.
Be brave, Luke1982 lol :)
Actually, booze really helps me in those situations too, but at first it makes it worse...so I'm hesitant to use it as a coping mechanism. And I don't wanna become reliant on it lol
But yeh, whatever works for you Luke1982 lol. Please do let us know how you get on, though. It may even help.
Best of luck with you too, Laloula. I can totally relate to everything you said.
Since when has having an anxiety problem stopped anyone from being a doctor.
From my limited knowledge most doctors I know are very sensitive people who care about others with such depth that it never ceases to amaze me. It is well know that highly sensitive people make the best medics but are also very anxious and self critical people.
I don't think you are going to be stopped from pursuing your dreams for a anxiety disorder do you????
If I thought for one minute that doctors were perfect hard skinned individuals without any of there own personal challenges then I would never visit a doctor again.
I feel if you were an MP things could be different. Most shrinks go in to that field because they are so messed up themselves. They use the study to understand themselves first.
Why not make this part of your study your specialist area??
Mee
PS. Avoid alcohol. I stopped drinking a year ago. Face your demons head on. Drinking will make you worse in the long run. As a medical student you will know that it is Psychologically addictive and you will keep needing a stiff drink to get through life.
True meewah, all true.
Must see a GP about all this...
Hi I'm a student too. I was worried about the university councellor stuff going on my personal record too and quizzed my personal tutor (who is lovely!). She said theres no way any future prospects could be affected, the files are 100% private and no one like that can see them.
Hope that helps you feel better! x
iheartshoes
02-11-09, 20:56
Ive had this for aaaages but its gotten alot worse the last 3 years. I knew i didnt like eating infront of people but i never paid it much attention. Then one day i was round my cousins and she was panicing about going out for her partners xmas meal. She said she couldnt eat because shed get all shaky. And i was like, hey i get that too. And then my mum said she gets it, and my auntie and my nan did! We all had it so we nicknamed it our wobbly head, coz you can feel your head shake when you try and lift your fork to your mouth. Apparently when my nan was younger she was out for my grandads work meal. And as she lifted her steak to her mouth she noticed a man watching her from the corner of her eye. She completely missed her mouth and poked her steak in her hair! She didnt know what to do so she started whirling her fork around like shed done it on purpose. Mental! It made me laugh, but it must have been horrible at the time! I get a wobbly head with drinks. One girl asked me if i wanted to go for a coffee at college recently and i though noooooooooo! So i said i had to take my car to the garage. What a liar :noangel:
yes i think i did have this problem when my social anxiety was so severe for 12 years before improving when forced to work in a charity shop by jobcentre. i still wouldnt be too comfortable with it
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.