Feeling So Much Better - never thought I could say that

[Bl0nde]

Havent been on here for a while. Last time I was here I was so down I was ready to end it all. 4 months ago I was so down, couldn't get out of ben, my parents were worried sick about me, I was refusing to eat, get up, everything you could think of and especially refusing to go on anti-depressants!! I eventually went on medication to please my parents really and it's the best thing I did. I didn't want to post this on the success stories as I don't feel I am a success story, I'm a work in progress and I'm trying my hardest.

I didn't have a friend in the world (apart from my parents who don't exactly qualify as they're not my age etc etc) and I still don't have any friends but I think I've come such a long way. I went on the anti-depressants and started CBT and I feel so much better now. The CBT/medication hasn't changed my life, it made me feel better to start getting on with my life but the rest I've done on my own. I now challenge myself/like to go myself to the hairdressers, shops etc. I know this wont get me any friends but I feel so much better after doing it. I even went to get pierced myself last week. 4 months ago I couldnt even go to a shop myself, couldnt make a phone call and now I can coz I challenge myself. I still have a severe case of social anxiety and depression but when I look bakc I've come such a long way and believe me I was at rock bottom before so I just want to say to others not to give up and to just keep trying. My life hasn't changed friends wise but I've become my own friend for the first time in 10 years and it's really not that bad. Even though Man Utd lost tonight (which I've VERY VERY depressed about - believe me) I just wanted to say keep trying everybody. I was so hopless 4 months ago and I feel happier with myself now, even though I still cut myself occassionally (probably will when I watch the highlights of tonights game now - not joking) but just :hugs: for everyone xx

[Bl0nde]

Just been rading this post back and i feel so stupid now, gone down hill since this and really wish i could get back here. A few replies would have helped, even when I'm feeling down and post here i dont get many replies so most of the time i even feel rejected here. Anyway gonna go now to bed or somewhere, bye.

[pollyanna]

Hi
Please dont feel stupid or give up.
You sound like you have had a real tough time lately, you posted at the end of may saying things were are bit better than they had been for you, but now a few weeks later you are not feeling so good again.... it happens to all of us at one time or another, usually it has taken us a while to get to were we are, and so it will take awhile to get back again, please dont be disheartend, you are in recovery and than means downs as well as ups, sometimes we can get our hopes built up and have high expectations once we start to feel a little better, and only to feel like they are dashed or we are back were we started, but you have started moving on , you are now having cbt/medication, you aree asking for help and you are participating in your own recovery, recovery takes a different path for all of us, and it is a lot of hard work, but you will improve things will become more manageable, we just have to keep working at it, and i know how tough that is.

From your last post you seem very sad and despondant , perhaps you need to talk to someone, perhaps review your treatment , get extra support, i am sorry that you even feel rejected on a site like this, i know i look at lots of posts but dont reply to them, thats not because i dont care, but sometimes it maybe something that i havent dealt with myself and therefore dont have any experience to speak of. i cant change anything in your life, but i can tell i have felt pain similar to you in my life, and that i care.
I hope that you find some comfort, and think about speaking to a health professional about reviewing your treatment or just getting some extra support.
Keep in touch and let me know how you are
Thinking of you and sending you kind thoughts:hugs:


P x:flowers:

[Bl0nde]

thanks for your reply, was feeling really s**tty there, been on the chat room here for a bit and feeling a bit better, just talking 2 people about nothing helps sometimes and makes u feel part of something. Trying not to give up but just a bit hard sometimes. Such things as facebook doesnt help and day after day with no friend requests doesnt help, so if any1 wants to add me, pm me please so we can talk through fb and it might feel more personal. Thanks x


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[gwtitus]

Hi
Just wanted to show a bit of support for you. I don't pretend to have any words of wisdom for you but I can empathise with your situation. Social anxiety is such a cruel condition - I suffer terribly and i know that if it wasn't for my partner I would have gone under a long time ago. I have recently gone down the same route of meds and CBT and if you can stick at it it does help. Like you I can now go to shops, for a coffee etc whereas a year ago i couldn't but it all takes time and if you can keep challenging yourself you will make progress.

I think it is also par for the course to have times when you don't feel so good and it is hard to keep the negative thoughts etc. at bay but these will pass.

My social anxiety also extends to online - i find it very difficult writing in forums and cannot bring myself to go into chat but if you need to talk anytime just give me a shout or pm me- never feel that you are alone.

Take care

Graham :hugs:

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Blonde please don't give up. Your first post sounded so positive. There will be set backs on the road to recovery. I am glad that you have found medication helpful but it sounds that you have come through this with your own determination and strength. Try not to take it personally if no one replies to your posts. Sometimes they are missed as other posts seem to be more popular. It also depends who is on line and whether they can relate to your story. I used to think it was personal too. Now I care less but it is always good to receive replies. A bit like receiving post. You could try replying to others that way people will know who you are. Take care I hope you continue going in the right direction. Jane.