Sparrow
28-05-09, 14:38
Hey everyone
I've been doing so well until the last few days and especially today... The tears are ready to flow and I am scared.....
I've gone for a lot of different treatments in the last year to try and come to grips with the anxiety, the last treatment being hypnotism. I started feeling a lot better after a string of sessions, it really helped so much. I wasn't 'healed' completely, but I felt a lot more in control of my life.
Today I feel like it's coming back in full force. And it's making me feel so depressed. I've been doing well, taking minimal medication, but now I feel like I need to go back to the doctor as soon as possible to get more medication. Problem is, I am terrified of going. They make me feel like I am lying, like I am pretending, like what I am feeling is not real. I am sure everyone knows what I mean, some of these doctors are so insensitive. I don't know what to do. I've even looked online to see if I could find medication (but decided against it, that would be very silly).
I am taking a herbal remedy right now, but it's not helping. I am really grateful for this website, here are people who understand, and it's nice to be able to at least write about how I'm feeling and know that I won't be told to grow up.
My biggest fear is people. I can't go out. The second I realise that I have to go out and face people, I tense up not being able to speak or move, I go into a trance. I used to be so confident and happy and I hate that I am this person now... I am tired of having to fib about why I'm not seeing my friends out and about. Not to mention the harsh reality of people who I thought were friends making light of my situation. Horrible.
I hate taking medication. I am scared of medication, thinking that I'm going to die of some side effect.... Any little twitch I feel in my body makes me panic, thinking I have some disease... I'm constantly in a lot of pain, especially my neck, from the tension. It's unbearable.
I have been thinking for the last hour whether I should post this message or not, for fear of ridicule....but I must. I have to start realising that there are trustworthy people in the world. Not everyone is going to think I'm a fool.
I read other posts in the forums, and I realise I am not alone. It's not easy for any of us. :-(
Thanks for reading.
:unsure:
I've been doing so well until the last few days and especially today... The tears are ready to flow and I am scared.....
I've gone for a lot of different treatments in the last year to try and come to grips with the anxiety, the last treatment being hypnotism. I started feeling a lot better after a string of sessions, it really helped so much. I wasn't 'healed' completely, but I felt a lot more in control of my life.
Today I feel like it's coming back in full force. And it's making me feel so depressed. I've been doing well, taking minimal medication, but now I feel like I need to go back to the doctor as soon as possible to get more medication. Problem is, I am terrified of going. They make me feel like I am lying, like I am pretending, like what I am feeling is not real. I am sure everyone knows what I mean, some of these doctors are so insensitive. I don't know what to do. I've even looked online to see if I could find medication (but decided against it, that would be very silly).
I am taking a herbal remedy right now, but it's not helping. I am really grateful for this website, here are people who understand, and it's nice to be able to at least write about how I'm feeling and know that I won't be told to grow up.
My biggest fear is people. I can't go out. The second I realise that I have to go out and face people, I tense up not being able to speak or move, I go into a trance. I used to be so confident and happy and I hate that I am this person now... I am tired of having to fib about why I'm not seeing my friends out and about. Not to mention the harsh reality of people who I thought were friends making light of my situation. Horrible.
I hate taking medication. I am scared of medication, thinking that I'm going to die of some side effect.... Any little twitch I feel in my body makes me panic, thinking I have some disease... I'm constantly in a lot of pain, especially my neck, from the tension. It's unbearable.
I have been thinking for the last hour whether I should post this message or not, for fear of ridicule....but I must. I have to start realising that there are trustworthy people in the world. Not everyone is going to think I'm a fool.
I read other posts in the forums, and I realise I am not alone. It's not easy for any of us. :-(
Thanks for reading.
:unsure: