Fear of my child dying

[LightShinesInTheDark]

I am new here, but utterly miserable and need to share.

My 10-yr old daughter had a cough and runny nose about 4 months ago, I took her to the GP who said it was all upper respiratory but no infection in her chest. The cough cleared up but the snot lingered. Then she discovered a lump in her jaw, so we went back to the doctor.

The doctor gave her a nasal spray and said the lump was a gland, nothing to worry about, come back in 2 weeks if its still there and they will do blood tests. I tried to say how worried I was, but the GP was surprised at my concern.

That was a week ago tomorrow and since then I have hardly slept, or eaten properly. I am convinced she has leukaemia and is going to die. Her legs were a bit bruised, but the bruises seem to be healing normally. Yesterday she complained of a pain in her head, but its gone today. Now she says she has a pain in her right side, which is sore to touch, and I think her liver is enlarged.

Please can anyone say anything reassuring to me? I am out of my mind with fear.

[ladybird64]

Hiya

You sound completely miserable you poor thing. I'm not an expert on HA which I see you suffer from but I'm a fellow mum (albeit with anxiety) so I will try to reassure you.
Firstly, all 10 yr olds get the snots from time to time and they nearly always go hand in hand with enlarged glands.
You know when your child goes to the docs for a cough/cold/sore throat they always feel under the angle of the jaw to see if there is an enlarged gland.
Very common, not at all serious. She has had a headache which coiuld be down to many causes but the most important thing is that its gone.
Pain in the abdomen is also common particularly in girls your daughters age, don't forget she is heading for puberty and will soon be complaining of all sorts of aches..none of them serious. :)
I hope you don't mind me saying this but have you sought help for your HA? I see in another one of your posts your HA can often centre on your family and I'm wondering if some of your fears may be getting picked up on by your daughter. That is nothing to feel guilty about as kids have got radar (:winks: ) they will pick up on any fear/anxiety that we may have.
I hope this helps a little bit :hugs:

[LightShinesInTheDark]

I am so grateful for your reply - you are right, I am totally miserable.

I know that no-one can tell me if my daughter is seriously ill or not, other than a doctor. Everyone tells you to trust your instincts, but mine are so obscured by fear I can't any more.

Its a fair point about her picking up on my HA and I am giving that some careful thought.

She has just been on her scooter to the shop to get a drink for her brother. Every normal thing she does reassures me, but only for a short while. Then she complains about a pain and I go sliding down that big hill again.

I've booked to see my own GP on Friday to confess the extent of my fears and anxiety. I feel so terribly ashamed though.

[ladybird64]

Don't be ashamed, you are not doing anything wrong.

I think you have made the right first step in addressing your fears as you know yourself that they are out of proportion..the fact that you can acknowledge that you need some help to deal with things is brilliant.

Your daughter will be fine (betcha :) ) because kids are resilient and you will be ok..just don't carry a sack load of guilt with you!
Us anxers have enough guilt for the whole wide world..:D

You will always have someone to give you support or advice here on the forum as we all know what it is like to suffer from anxiety..whatever the type.

Take care :hugs:

[LightShinesInTheDark]

Thanks for your post. I am hanging on to every reassuring word at the moment.

I've been looking at the statistics for cancer in children - 130 in every 1 million kids in the US. And lots of them can be cured.

So my logical brain says its unlikely, but my fearful one keeps saying its possible, even if unlikely.

I can't help feeling ashamed, I am so weak.