no no no no ='[

[bumble18]

im SICK of this
im sick of
'oh your improving', when improving is still living a dreaful life where i can go out. being able to see 3friends, no one else, isn't improvement to me. Its not improvement if my life is still lower quality than everyone else i know.

Im sick of people going to do what i want to do
im sick of people living my old life
im sick of 'oh god im so depressed because i cant go out tonight because everyones busy'
well i havnt been out for two years! and thats not because people are busy

its because of me
my hypnotherapist told me my mind is rejecting treatment
every kind of treatment
every other therapist has told me that
something in my mind wants to stay ill

do you realise how it feels to have every person tell you you can get better if you want to
and on the outside you do
so so much
to the point where you cry for hours every day
self harm, and think about dying every single day
and yet something inside of you
some unheard voice
is saying no
no you cannot get better

well im sick of it!
im sick of toothache i cant fix because i cant visit the dentist
im sick of the pain in my stomach i desperatly need to get rid of but cant because i cant go to the doctors
im sick of seeing other peoples photos of being out
im sick of missing holidays
im sick of not having friends
im sick of being 18 with no life
im sick of being forgotten

i dont want to be hear
i really really dont
IM SICK OF IT ALL ='[
dont tell me things will get better
because they wont
because apparently my subconcious wont let them

wel tada
well done fate or god or whoever
i give in
i bloody give in
enough of this
ive had enough ='[

[Lainie]

I've been where you are. I believe that everyone can recover with the right treatment. Talk to people who have conquered this thing. Read recovery books. I even found a therapist who had recovered from panic disorder and ocd. What better advice is there than that which you can get from someone who has lived it!

[mau]

hey girly what upset you tonight?

[bumble18]

I have seen a therapist who used to have anxiety, but she had it very lightly in comparison to me, so things she said were impossible for me but perfectly fine for her to do =[

and what upset me is that a few friends and family members have gone away, im sick and i want to go to the doctors but i have no way of getting there because i can only go with my mum, and even that is ridiculously hard. i feel so alone and im so jealous of people! i hate being jealous but i just envy everyone i know =[

[lizzy101]

hi bumble18 .. just wanted to say ur not alone x im 21 and i feel the same things .. my family are going away in a few weeks i know i wont be able to go .. so im dreading when they all do ..will have to stock up on food n all b4 they go .. because i know i wont be able 2 leave the house when they have gone !.. it sucks .. sorry i dont have many positive things to say.. suffering big time aswel ..
hope u feel better soon..
lizzy x