View Full Version : My experiences with distressing thoughts - can anyone help?
Hi all,
I have suffered from distressing thoughts for a while. These thoughts usually come to me when I am on my own, like when I wake up in the morning or when I get in my car to go somewhere. I sometimes get scared at the idea of being alone. These feelings are especially bad in the morning and I now tend to stay in bed later than I used to. I don't enjoy the mornings any more. They used to be my favourite time of day.
Writing, talking or thinking about these thoughts causes me a lot of distress and I have not been able to deal with them because of this.
My main thoughts are fear of becoming worse, e.g. become so depressed that I become suicidal. I am not suicidal and never have been although my mood has been seriously low in the past. I think I have awoken an old fear of mortality that I thought I'd got over years ago. This used to be my main negative thought.
I get a "hopeless" or "pointless" feeling like everything I say or do is meaningless so I might as well not bother doing anything. This is the main negative thought that comes to me these days and reinforces my fear that I might one day become suicidal.
I feel under constant time pressure to be doing something but I don't know what. I don't WANT to do anything sometimes. All I want is to chill out, play the computer, be alone for a while and be free of my anxiety and my negative thoughts.
It's like time is running out, the days are going too fast and I am wasting my life. I feel like I have to justify everything I do to everyone, including myself. I don't see how I can justify my existence or the things that I do. I basically believe my life is and always has been a waste. (I have not really thought that before, I've just kept going.)
I have often been unhappy in life -- I just did not know how to think positively -- and all I can see in my future is more unhappiness and more anxiety. Deep down I believe I am supposed to be unhappy and I believe this will never change. Again, this reinforces my feelings of futility and my fear that I will become suicidal.
These thoughts torment and upset me. I have come a long way since I started fighting back against my problems in 2003; I have made many positive changes to who I am and how I think and behave. Maybe I can change these thoughts as well. I just do not know how. I feel like no matter what I do or what people say, I will end up convincing myself to become more ill.
Someone please help, I really need support to overcome this negative thinking. It is affecting my life and my future.
Quiet-Lift
10-06-09, 18:18
Hi Adam (Please excuse the informality here):)
Try to remember that suicidal thoughts are extremely common.
Like you, I also have a fear of 'getting worse' and, believe me, I may be far more entrenched within the psychiatric side of Mental Health Services than you are.
I want to give you a thumbs up for even attempting a post such as this.To me this is positive thinking. Burying these thoughts can be a lot more harmful in the long term.
I know how distressing suicidal thoughts can be because I also have them on a daily basis. Sometimes I indulge these thoughts but there are also times when I ignore them and try to concentrate on doing something in the outside world to distract myself.
The MIND website has a booklet about overcoming suicidal thoughts. Maybe this might help?
Try not to be so hard on yourself. What's wrong with chilling out anyway?
Take care and be safe.
Cheers for the reply mate. So do you think these classify as "suicidal thoughts"? The whole idea makes me scared. I always associated "suicidal thoughts" with the act of committing suicide, even though I now know that is totally wrong.
There are times when I feel like I might be depressed and others, like now, where I suddenly realise that I am scared and anxious rather than depressed. (My moods keep changing -- I will usually feel anxious, then when that fades away, feelings of unhappiness and possible depression kick in.)
I don't feel like killing myself when I think about my life -- I feel upset, anxious, scared and trapped, not very nice. That's what makes me feel hopeless. I sometimes catch sight of myself in the mirror and think "Oh God, you again." Maybe all of this is because I can't see a way out of my problems just yet, and I'm tired of feeling like this every day.
Hi there.
I too suffer with negative thought patterns that generally lead me to believe that I am going mad or they bring on physical symptoms associated with anxiety.
I had about six sessions with a psychologist who basically tried to teach me that the opposite of anxiety was relaxation. He was right but putting that into practise when you are in the middle of an anxiety/panic attack is very difficult.
I've since listened to the Claire Weekes audio files that are on this site and I have to say that they have served me well into starting to believe that I can find a way to deal with my nervous illness issues.
I have also joined a charitable organisation that deals with helping out anxiety sufferers and they are brilliant because you can call them up and just chat about how you feel and I find that in my most anxious moments its a great relief to talk to someone who knows how you feel and can empathise without being condescending.
What I am basically trying to say is that, for me, accepting my condition, without fearing it, has been a great step forward. It is not easy. In fact its downright hard, but I can see and feel real progress.
I'm writing this after having a mild panic attack on Sunday night. In the past this would have meant at least two weeks of misery and even time off work to hide myself away from the world. I've now come to realise that that is the worse thing to do. Accept what's happening. Don't try and blank it out. If you are having negative thoughts, then have them, but don't give up on yourself. Although I do not know you I bet you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for !
Take care,
krog.
Hi Psychopoet :)
I get exactly the same thoughts as you, especially about maybe just not being meant to be happy. But I've had these in the past with anxiety and they have gone away before, and I now know that they are just the result of my mind being tired with anxiety and always focusing inwards.
I know everyone else says this, but try and accept that you're only thinking these things as your brain is tired and needs a break. It isn't how you'll think forever, I promise. Also, you said you're scared of your distressing thoughts so you don't face them. I think fear is the worst ingredient to add to the mix. Try and face these thoughts, accept that they are just a way of your mind releasing adrenalin, and try to let go of the fear. I really do know how hard this is, but it will ultimately mean that anxiety no longer has power over you.
I know how hard this stuff is, as I'm still starting to get my head round it, but have been trying this approach for a few days and it's calmed me down a lot! If you haven't tried reading At Last A Life by Paul David, I'd recommend it. Check out his website: http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/
Hope you're doing a bit better, much love and support :hugs:
Sarah xx
Poet ,You say your thoughts start when you wake? mine do too.I think youll find that this is very common with anxiety .I dont feel too bothered by them any more,so they tend to slip away .I spend a few minutes concentrating on deep breathing and think of something nice.They are just thoughts and they cant harm me ,because I wont let them. You have nothing to get up for ,no job or reason to feel the day has a purpose,But you will one day ,things dont stay the same for ever. When someone we know or love is ill or dies ,its perfectly normal to question our own mortality.This is more common as we get older,as more people we know get ill and die. Ive had my share of that as well. You say you worry about getting deeply depressed and feeling suicidal.This is just your anxiety throwing up your deepest fear.You havnt felt like this before so why would you in the future? it scares you .You wouldnt do it. These thoughts seem more like obsessive thoughts than depression,and obssesive thoughts are just anxiety.. You say you feel like you should be doing something all the time,but you dont want to :So dont .! I think you need to try at feeling more relaxed,when you are on your own.I have had this problem too.I dont have a problem being on my own ,but have had problems relaxing . Perhaps you need to think of something different to do every day, it would get you out of the pattern of boredom that is so easy to slip into . What sort of job would make you happy? could you go on a course and learn something new? you have lots of time to achieve what you want ,your not over the hill yet lol. What about doing some voluntary work? it would give you something to do and also a sense of purpose..You have excellent writing skills,how about using them to your advantage?All these things are looking forward, positive things that you can strive for .You have come a long way since you joined here,youve helped and amused people.You will feel some days that you are falling back ,but you arent its just part of your journey.Theres too much to write in one go ,so that is my first post,Ill post more if you think I can help. Sleep well Sue x
Hey x
First of all, I just want to reassure you that everything you spoke about in your post is totally normal for anxiety sufferers. I too have had these particular distressing thoughts & I also find that they are much worse in the morning on waking. I immediately wake up with that panicky feeling; immediately trying to assess how I'm feeling and whether I'm having the thoughts.
It really is a vicious cycle and it's definitely a hard one to break. But it can be done, please don't give up hope. I know it feels bad some days and you feel like you can't ever be happy again because of your problems, but you won't always feel like this. You're probably feeling like this right now because you're mentally exhausted due to all the anxiety you've been feeling. This too is normal, and I have plenty of days like this! You really aren't alone.
I have rid myself of these horrible and distressing thoughts once before, so it can be done. Admittedly, I'm suffering again at the moment due to the stress I've been under, but I got rid of these thoughts once before and I'm determined to do it again. Firstly, it's important to understand that we get distressing thoughts because we have such high levels of anxiety. In order to lower my anxiety levels; which are usually pretty high throughout the day; I take 5 minutes to myself at night before I go to bed, pick a relaxing/favourite song and just close my eyes and listen to it. I relax my body, take deep breaths and try to clear my mind. Once I've done this, I picture my favourite place, my friends or the good times I've had. I find this really helps me unwind. Don't get me wrong; it isn't a quick fix by any means and when you go up to bed, you probably won't feel any different, but I find that if I repeat this exercise on the nights I feel particularly anxious, I usually wake up in a better mood, without the instant hard-hitting distressing thoughts.
I wish you all the luck in the world, keep perservering x
(:
my friends wife and i were discussing various things when she told me she felt now she has turned 60 and retired from work a while ago that her life is virtually over and she is basically waiting to die. she has a small cleaning job and mixes well and travels about and takes regular holidays but feels there is nothing to look forward to in the future. i, at the same age feel the same and this is emphasized as a number of people we know have died recently.
Hi everyone, thank you so much for your posts, you have really comforted me and that is what I need at this moment. Suzy Sue, please, if you have more to say you are welcome to say it; I am not the only person you will help by doing so.
Kestral, if I was in a better frame of mind I would LOVE to never need to work again, and I imagine your friend would be too. I do empathise with her cos I sort of feel the same, like I've got many empty years ahead, but this is a lie. Our lives are not empty, we just lost our direction when we left our jobs. Please try to get this across to your friend. She has lost the structure and sense of achievement that comes with having a job; it is very common for people to feel down after leaving or losing their employment.
I think I am starting to become ready for a job. This is such a huge step as I think it was fear of getting a job that set me on the road to anxiety. Now the original reason for my distress has gone; I am starting to recover from the ground up.
I mourn the loss of my loved one and I grieve for those I love who have been told their time is almost over. I am starting to get over this pain though; I love these people and that cannot be taken away. Love is an idea as well as an emotion, and you cannot kill an idea, which is what makes it so powerful.
The hope of recovery is an idea.
I have other fearful thoughts: my anxiety sometimes makes me feel nauseous, like a fizzing feeling in my stomach and brain (or maybe that's just the citalopram quietly working in the background). It causes me some degree of health anxiety cos even though I know tiredness, playing the computer and anxiety cause headaches, there's a nagging thought that says "Yeah but what if?"
It's the "what ifs" that are the threat. They're an empty threat -- they have no substance, they have no real power other than they can harness our natural fear of the unknown. I can't claim that I will ever beat my fear of the unknown. I wouldn't be human if I didn't have that. But I can claim that I will free myself from fear of empty threats, of promises that will never come true.
I feel like if I don't think about my problems I will... actually I don't know what, I just feel like things will be worse. "If you don't think about me I'll make you even more ill you worthless toerag!" Oh yeah, you and whose army, bitch?
I'm off for a bit but I will be back tonight to have a little rant. Thank you so much to everyone who has offered support, you really have made a difference and when I get better, you will be partly responsible!
Success! I have been able to fight off my negative thoughts today. I have kept in mind that they are only a symptom of anxiety, I remembered how much I have been through to get to where I am now, and it actually worked!
I've had a good, positive day today. I have had bad thoughts, the usual "omg my life is going nowhere". When I am feeling even remotely non-anxious, I don't get those feelings, so I tell myself they are the anxiety's last desperate attempts to stop me from getting better.
Not only does this help me fight the negative thoughts, it helps with my overall anxiety as well. It is hard to feel distressed when you are convinced that you are right, that you will recover.
This is where my fight against negative thinking becomes a war.
Well Done Poet!
Really glad you are getting somewhere, it takes alot of perseverence to get better but whoever said it was going to be easy! I see my anxiety as a sign that I needed to change in myself to become that better person that wants to grab life's oppurtunities and not hide away from everythin stressful, but face it and overcome it!
Keep up the fight
Lion King
Thank you to everyone for the encouragement, it gives me a boost during times when my confidence starts to falter.
I feel that my recovery from negative thoughts started on Wednesday afternoon when I made the determination to confront and defeat these thoughts. I am starting to deal with the emotions these thoughts cause and I am no longer feeling so worried or down, although I am not going to pretend I am cured after only 2 and a half days.
I find that I have now started to take the "long view" where I am no longer expecting to get better inside a few days. I am starting to look ahead in terms of weeks or months. This is helping, as it takes a lot of pressure off and it is more realistic than expecting to suddenly recover from being so ill. When you're lying in bed with flu, you don't suddenly decide you are better then get up and start running around; your strength returns gradually.
I am having moments of relapse I kid you not. I respect that these are a normal, everyday problem for someone who is not only trying to get better, but who is trying to change the way they are in order to be a better and happier person. I am slowly re-writing my own programme and it is difficult but I still believe, and will probably always believe, that it can be done.
Even as I write this I am still feeling slight nausea and a general, background sense of fear. My anxiety is far from beaten. But I still believe I can win.
Update: my anxiety and negative thoughts are definitely increased or even triggered by the following:
1. Being alone
2. Being at home
3. Bad memories of feeling anxious or depressed
4. Waking up (this is being alone AND being at home, and it links into "bad memories")
5. Random recurrences of anxiety
6. Health anxiety related to headaches and nausea which seem to link into "random recurrences of anxiety"
These are not the only triggers but they do seem to be the main ones. They don't trigger me all the time.
Does anyone think I could be suffering from some form of obsessive compulsion with regard to these negative thoughts? Or do they sound like a natural reaction to what I have been through?
Also, I sometimes feel down or depressed, but depending on which online test I take, I am usually told I suffer from little to no depression. Other tests tell me I am definitely bipolar and/or I definitely need medical help.
I still think anxiety is the main cause and my feelings of depression link into the anixety somehow. What do other people think? Please help me to clear up this confusion, I have never been diagnosed and I need to understand what is happening to me!
An update on the distressing thoughts problem for anyone who might find this useful in any way.
I am finding myself split into two different versions of myself. The confident, outgoing, happy, smiley, excited me - the person I want to be - and the depressive, scared, anxious, ill and upset me. Today I have spent some time in the scared version. I literally cannot see any hope or comfort. Then on the way home from my mate's I suddenly changed back into my happy self and felt such relief.
I have mentioned this mood-swapping a while ago in another thread but I didn't really think it was significant back then. Now I think it might be a further sign that I am getting somewhere with my recovery. Or it might not; I'm not sure where I am at the moment, I have been anxious and distressed a lot this week.
The problem is, when I'm feeling happy I feel like I am practically cured. I cannot describe how good it feels to be back to my old self.
Then when I feel down, I feel hopeless and upset, like anxiety that mixes with depression. I really do not feel good at all when I'm in this state. It is hard to see myself getting better; I become afraid of life.
I would not describe this as bipolar behaviour. The mood swings aren't as wild and the low moods aren't as crashing. That's why I call it "mood swapping" instead of mood swings.
Today's mood swapping was triggered by the usual distressing thoughts about being at home worrying about my problems. God I cannot WAIT to never have that thought again. I wish I could meet myself from the future and see that I become happy and productive. It would save me a lot of pointless worrying!
me i am stuck in the one mood,i have intrusive thoughts thats all i have no break from them, they are the worst that can be and its killing me, i cant stop the intrusive thoughts i know i am supposed to except them but when they are continuos it seems totally hopeless.i have tried ignoring them but they just get worse till i am in the situation i am in now where there is no other thoughts apart from the intrusive ones.
Dante, I honestly wish I could offer you some advice, I wish I could tell you I have fought my negative thoughts off and my sense of fear has left me, but I can't claim any of that yet.
All I can tell you is that the road to recovery is painful and we often cannot see where we are going, so we must hold out some kind of faith that things will get better, even if we don't see a reason why they will, even if it takes months.
I recommend you try inositol which is the only supplement I have found to help with my anxiety and particularly my negative thoughts. I find myself more relaxed and much more positive after several days of high inositol doses (3g or more). Be careful though cos high doses could give you the runs. I'd rather be sat on the toilet reading a book than sitting in my room feeling scared and upset.
More insights into negative thinking
As you can probably tell from the tone of this post my war against negative thoughts is still ongoing and I haven't gained any ground. I increased my inositol dose which seems to help a bit.
When I am thinking about being upset and bored at home with plenty of time to worry (this is one of the worst negative thoughts), the crucial part of this thought is "I have plenty of time to worry".
So my main fear is not really "being at home" -- it is having "plenty of time to worry", a situation which just happens to come about when I am at home. By the wonders of mental association my subconscious links the idea of being at home to the memories of obsessing about my worries.
I've known this for some time but today I am 100% certain of it.
I still need help to overcome it though, it is not an easy time for me and I find these thoughts put me into a negative frame where I definitely find myself feeling nauseous and headachey. Then I start wondering if I'm depressed, is my life worth it etc. It is horrible, the physical feelings reinforce my emotional state and I am on the magic roundabout of fear once again.
I can't wait to be fully recovered from all this so I can enjoy my life and look ahead with anticipation.
I'm gonna have to add "thinking of tomorrow" to my list of problems. I have been pretty anxious for the last couple of days and I feel depressed or upset whenever I think about going through this all again tomorrow. Dammit I feel crap tonight. Being knackered doesn't help. How come these thoughts hurt me every time I have them, even though I've been having them for weeks now?
I used to feel the same.Same old cr-p every day same bloo-y thoughts.Icouldnt see any thing changing .Always the same ,Didnt feel Joy and didnt feel anything,except guilt for feeling bad,when I had so much to be thankful for. I Put on my face for the world until I couldnt do that any more either.I started getting obsessive and didnt want to do anything except run away from the bloomin pain I was feeling inside. Didnt sleep properly and lost a lot of weight.Couldnt look at myself cos I hated the person I saw.I didnt want to be who I was .Because who I saw wasnt me anymore...I got obssesed with my Parents and Hubby dying ,leaving me to cope with everything on my own. I Felt angry and overeacted to things and thought every thing was a catastrophic event.When I read a story in the news paper about a boy who had got killed ,I couldnt stop thinking about it for months,it kept going round and round in my head .Every morning I had the chatterbox the gut rush of anxiety ,the sweats the retching and the dizziness . Another day !same old cr-p. DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY CERTAINLY SUCKS MY FRIEND. Your thoughts still upset you because you youve had enough of them.:mad: Tiredness has a big part in how we feel and react . Hope you sleep well and wake up feeling better tommorow.The weathers going to be nice ,make the most of it. Hugs SUE X:hugs: :hugs:
Thanks Suzy-Sue, it makes me feel like less of a headcase when other people have experienced the same things. If you want to talk I'd like to swap PMs with you if that's all right. You seem to have a very good perspective on this and your comments are reassuring.
I still feel fear when I think about carrying on feeling like this... but there is no alternative, so on I go, I will just have to deal with the bad thoughts when they dare to show themselves. When I reflect on how I've been feeling today, stress and tiredness (or should that be stress CAUSED BY tiredness) seems to be the major factor. Nothing bad has happened recently that would increase my anxiety. Although I am getting up at the crack of stupid tomorrow to go racing, which is a source of some stress. (I don't want to get up that early, I'm too tired!)
Each time I fight the bad thoughts off is another victory in the war for recovery.
Update: my anxiety and negative thoughts are definitely increased or even triggered by the following:
1. Being alone You can be alone in a crowd:blush: because NO one knows what you are going thro - and you can't tell them because you do not understand it yourself:blush:
2. Being at home - there is only so much that can keep you occupied at home - it can get very boring (Anxiety creeps in)
3. Bad memories of feeling anxious or depressed - When you see your councellor?? can you take notes about just one or two of your "bad memories" and discuss those fully???:blush: ((May or may not be good idea - only you can feel that:hugs: ))
4. Waking up (this is being alone AND being at home, and it links into "bad memories") May sound silly - can you move your bed?? wake to different view?? different wallpaper?? something pleasant on the bedside table???
5. Random recurrences of anxiety :mad: sorry no suggestion on this one - I get this a lot - no rhyme or reason.
6. Health anxiety related to headaches and nausea which seem to link into "random recurrences of anxiety" - same - had MRI so head is OK BUT still get odd pains in the head and the nausea..........:mad: :mad: :mad:
These are not the only triggers but they do seem to be the main ones. They don't trigger me all the time.
Does anyone think I could be suffering from some form of obsessive compulsion with regard to these negative thoughts? Or do they sound like a natural reaction to what I have been through? I think (only my personal opinion) that like me your anxiety and HA fight each other to see which can give us the most trouble - it is a lousy viscious circle:mad: the thing is that NO ONE will give us a straight answer - why can we feel well one minute and so desperately anxious the next????? WHY????? that is the question........
Also, I sometimes feel down or depressed, but depending on which online test I take, I am usually told I suffer from little to no depression. Other tests tell me I am definitely bipolar and/or I definitely need medical help. This (i think) depends on the site you are looking at - and how you are feeling at that time - your answers could differ slightly each time therefore getting different results:blush: If you look at Louise Hay's book she has an answer for everything:yesyes: and some days you will think YES thats it:yesyes: and other days you will think WHAT TOSH:D
I still think anxiety is the main cause and my feelings of depression link into the anixety somehow. What do other people think? Please help me to clear up this confusion, I have never been diagnosed and I need to understand what is happening to me!
I hope this helps in some way:hugs:
I never tempt fate by saying i feel well which annoys people - ""How are you ?"" they say. ""OK so far"" i reply:blush:
can't say i'm anxious they wouild think that i should """pull myself together and get over IT""""" - like a broken record - so suffer in silence!!
Best wishes
June
:hugs:
Thank you June, that helps a lot :D
I suppose a combination of tiredness, running low on citalopram and focusing on my negative thoughts is bound to cause some kind of party for my anxiety/depression.
I have spent a lot of time facing these negative thoughts and trying to follow them to a logical conclusion, which often helps to overcome negative thinking. But these are so painful it's like grabbing nettles and trying to hold on while they try to strangle you. The usual tactics aren't working so far. If they did I'd be cured, right?
My upsetting thoughts about being at home DEFINITELY relate to sitting around obsessing about my problems, but there is still the aspect that I am wasting my life, that everything is futile. Surely this is depression getting into the mix? How the hell do I convince myself that things are not hopeless when I feel like this?!
I imagine tomorrow as if it will be a repeat performance of yesterday. When I try to break this cycle and imagine tomorrow as a new, spearate day, sometimes it works and brings temporary relief. Other times I can't imagine it: I believe that I will feel exactly the way I do now, in other words anxious and upset.
Damn I really AM trapped in the cycle of negative thought!
EDIT: I definitely can't be suicidal, I was in a car with a friend today who was driving at stupid speeds when a lorry pulled out on us -- the passion with which I crapped my pants indicates a powerful desire to live ;)
I am such an idiot! I talked this through with the Samaritans, which made me feel much more positive cos we discussed all the things I have done to improve my situation, and suddenly it clicked:
MOST OF MY DISTRESSING THOUGHTS HAVE A COMMON THREAD!
I cannot believe I missed this connection! What a Dwayne Dibbley. My negative thoughts - of being stuck at home bored, of being worried about my problems, of never moving on with my life, of being depressed - are all thoughts that feature me sitting in my bedroom in front of my computer!
I think an underlying problem is that I associate my bedroom - my safe haven where I retreat from the stress of everyday life to be surrounded by my favourite belongings - with the anxiety and depression! I have spent so much time in here battling against negative thoughts that my bedroom has become like a "dreamcatcher" for all my negativity!
I think I have got a fear of being in my bedroom!
It makes perfect sense, and it links in perfectly with my fear of being at home! How could I have missed this, it was so bloody obvious!!
So I went to bed last night feeling good. Only problem is, during my sleep I became anxious, I had anxiety-filled dreams that I can't remember. I woke up around 4.30-5am and could not get back to sleep due to anxiety and upsetting thoughts. That is the first time this has happened for 2 months! It was like the bad old days had come back! I really did feel terrible this morning!
On the plus side, I did become quite positive after I got up and vented to my mum, and I have been out with my dad this morning. I think much of my negativity is caused by being so tired.
I want to visit Mind but I don't like it if I can't speak to the staff member I want and I am not keen on discussing the worst of my problems with other people listening in.
I am booking myself into hypnotherapy to combat my racing thoughts and improve my ability to relax. Maybe they can even help me with my repetitive distressing thoughts. Any weapon I can use is a bonus!
""""So I went to bed last night feeling good. Only problem is, during my sleep I became anxious, I had anxiety-filled dreams that I can't remember. I woke up around 4.30-5am and could not get back to sleep due to anxiety and upsetting thoughts. That is the first time this has happened for 2 months! It was like the bad old days had come back! I really did feel terrible this morning!""""""
I sometimes get this - My thoughts are that we go to bed feeling good:ohmy: our minds don't do good:ohmy: feeling good is not a usual feeling for us - therefore WE PANIC:blush:
Hope your hypnotherapy works:yesyes:
best wishes
June
I also forgot to add that my heart rate was through the roof but I could not actually feel my heart beating and I could barely feel my pulse?? I know it was a panic attack, I have felt so rotten for a few days it is wearing me out. Maybe this is just another blip and in a week's time it will be forgotten.
Hi all, today's update!
I phoned Samaritans to vent before I went to bed last night and it did help me because I worked something out, something that links much of my negative thinking together in a way I can understand.
I was made redundant last year and I have not really been looking for a new one cos I have never been happy in any of my jobs. When I look back I see unhappiness. When I think ahead I see fear and uncertainty. So I am trapped between two different types of unhappiness -- it's no wonder I feel like crap!
It gets worse! I have got no assets, no money, no savings, no girlfriend and at this point no future. My negative moods make it feel like all my hobbies are worthless - to be honest I am a bit bored with my life at the moment and my anxiety/depression are blowing simple boredom up into a state of fear and distress. All of this demoralises me and makes me think negatively about the future.
So basically my life is empty of anything except fear, worry and negativity. I am scared of the way I have felt over the last few months; I am scared in case I get worse or go back to how I was before; I am scared to think ahead because I'm frightened I will always be like this, and the idea of building myself a future is scary to me. It saps my energy and willpower to build myself a better life. Therefore I am trapped at the moment.
So there it is, the root of my unhappiness in one paragraph.
These thoughts still occur when I am alone or at home, and are especially strong in the mornings.
On the plus side I have got in contact with a girl I dated once and she still wants to see me, so maybe she will add some meaning to my life. It's all about meaning: everything I've got at the moment seems pointless and boring. I feel like there is no meaning to my existence.
Does anybody have any insight or comments about any of this?
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showpost.php?p=490071&postcount=83
[quote=suzy-sue;512469]Poet ,You say your thoughts start when you wake? mine do too. You have nothing to get up for ,no job or reason to feel the day has a purpose,But you will one day ,things dont stay the same for ever. Perhaps you need to think of something different to do every day, it would get you out of the pattern of boredom that is so easy to slip into . What sort of job would make you happy? could you go on a course and learn something new? you have lots of time to achieve what you want ,your not over the hill yet lol. What about doing some voluntary work? it would give you something to do and also a sense of purpose..You have excellent writing skills,how about using them to your advantage?All these things are looking forward, positive things that you can strive for .You have come a long way since you joined here, .You will feel some days that you are falling back ,but you arent its just part of your journey.
I wrote this to you last week poet ,Boredom causes stress ! and leaves the mind open for the negative thoughts. Thats why youfeel like you do when you are alone .Too much time , alone and your anxiety strikes. A good example of this is something written by Bill,the other day"Like a Parrot in a cage plucking its feathers out " Meeting up with your friend seems a good place to start !good luck SUE X
I wrote this to you last week poet ,Boredom causes stress ! and leaves the mind open for the negative thoughts. Thats why youfeel like you do when you are alone .Too much time , alone and your anxiety strikes. A good example of this is something written by Bill,the other day"Like a Parrot in a cage plucking its feathers out "
Definitely -- some might call it "cabin fever" -- I feel trapped by fear but I feel BETTER now that I have identified where I am and why everything seems so scary -- all I need to do now is find a way to deal with it... wish me luck :D
:D Good Luck! You can beat it ,just believe and stay positive.:yesyes: Suex
Thanks Suzy-Sue, my hypnotherapy begins in a few days so we'll see if that helps me to improve matters. I am feeling better today than I have for a while; I'm still in a blip though and I need some help to get out of it. Mostly I'm just tired as my thoughts have been racing for a few days, my brain feels a bit fried.
I'm glad you've thrown yourself a lifeline, I agree the mind will do anything to hold us back sometimes. It's giving us false reports of impending doom and disaster but why? Every day I'm like this, I always think I'm going to choke, I'm going to choke. I daren't even speak sometimes. When I do choke, which is rare if ever, I am actually relived. You must be a strong person to have straightened this out for yourself and therefore you can only get stronger.
Well the anxiety has backed off slightly since I booked my hypnotherapy. I read up on the treatment and it seems quite successful against negative thinking and anxiety problems.
I've got counselling tomorrow so we will use the entire session to deal with these negative thoughts.
What scares me almost as much as the thoughts themselves is the fact that I'm even having them; on reflection, the whole thing is a huge anxiety trap, I have thoughts that cause me worry then I worry about the thoughts then I worry because I'm so worried... what a pain in the Khyber Pass.
Hi all, things have improved over the last 2 weeks and I am feeling much better. I'm not completely fixed yet but I do feel that my recovery is underway.
Hypnotherapy has definitely helped and I am looking forward to my second session. I'll be with my hypnotherapist this time next week. My CBT starts on Monday. Hopefully this combination of therapies will help me to get better.
I have been nervous rather than fully anxious for the last few weeks. I spend a lot of time with friends or family or engaged in hobbies, I even posted some stories online after my hypnotherapy, but I do still have nervous moments and I am still a bit crap in the mornings (nothing like as bad as before though).
A lot of my anxious thoughts were trying to tell me something: "you need to do something with your life, you have potential that you have not fulfilled". Unfortunately I have felt so screwed up I haven't been able to do anything about this which has led to all sorts of problems with stress and anxiety.
I feel a bit like a kid again, scared and frightened of everything, and I hope that my therapy will finally help me to overcome this once and for all.
If it helps anyone, I have been through several sessions of hypnotherapy and they really helped with the negative thinking. I still have bad days like today. I am wondering if it is worth venting about these negative thoughts rather than trying to force them out of my head: indulge them for a while, let them have their say, and by doing so reduce their strength and urgency. I'll try this tomorrow.
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