anxiety about holidays/going away

[Coni]

I dont suffer from agraphobia, but I have huge problems when it comes to going away from home or going on holiday, and far from conquering this it seems to be getting worse.

I like the idea of going away but from the minute it becomes a possibility I just become completely irrational, the fear grows and I end up cancelling. So now I've got into the habit of saying no to everything because people are sick of me changing my mind all the time. My family are completely fed up too as obviously this affects them if we dont go on holiday (we've cancelled 2 in the last 2 years).

This weekend I had the chance to go away with work colleagues for the weekend...it was very last minute as someone had pulled out, and I had originally said no in the first place, at the planning stage. Initially yesterday I felt it would be good, but as the day wore on I felt worse and worse, I even dreamt about the flippin thing last night and now this morning I know I'm going to make up an excuse to say I cant go......I just cant.

Hubby and I also have our wedding anniversary soon and we were supposed to go away for the weekend, but I'm dithering and stressing so much we'll end up not going...and then he'll be really resentful and I cant blame him.

I dont even know what it is I'm scared of .....if I could work out my specific fear them maybe I could address it.....its just everything associated with going away.....I thought it was just simple like flying when going abroad, but its not (that just gives me something tangible to say to excuse my irrational behaviour...though I dont like fying but its not the main thing)....I think its just the 'being away'.

So how do I get over this, because I feel like I'm stuck....my family are fed up with me and my colleagues and friends think I'm mad and are soon going to stop even inviting me out cos I always pull out.

Any advice? (sorry its a bit long winded)

Coni XX

[gypsywomen]

your not alone ,i am same ,booked a cruise last year but had to cancel,didnt go o hospitel to be with my daugter when she gave birth that made me feel bad, but last week it was her christening ,,all morning i was shacking running to toilet ,but i went and had a great day ,realised not the being there its the thought of going that does it we work ourselves up then we dont go ,,my advice try something small you dont want to do ,,,do it you wyill see it will be fine i still have bad anxcity ,but have to try to go out you too

[pknorth]

my family are fed up with me and my colleagues and friends think I'm mad and are soon going to stop even inviting me out cos I always pull out.


I understand your situation because I feel exactly the same way about my summer holiday this year.

This weekend sounds like a good chance to dip your toes in the holiday water so to speak. Its not two weeks etc so you are not commiting yourself to something more than you might be able to handle.

Do your friends know you suffer from anxiety, you never know one of them might have been a sufferer too in the past and might know some cracking relaxation tips. And im sure they would understand if you explain your situation.

Dont worry about your family too, If they are like mine they would put up with anything to see you get better :)

Hope that helps.

[redballoons]

hi
I am the same. once a year we travel to my husband mother where we stay for about a week. It terrifies me these are the things I do to get through it.

1. start packing LONG in advance - planning exactly what you will take so it is all ready to go much before you need it (if things are packed ready I am less likely to pull out plus I feel more organized).

2. take things with you that you do at home - every morning I get up and put my mp3 player on while I get breakfast ready for the kids so I make sure to take the mp3 player. I also take my laptop so I can relax in the evenings.

3. take plenty of food for the journey so you dont need to stop and go in somewhere to eat (I hate eating out it panics me no end).

4. tell whoever is going with you that you are anxious OR if you cant tell them (i cant tell my husband mother ) tell them you are tired or had a bad few weeks at work or something so that if you really need you can withdraw a bit and lie down for an hour to calm down.

I think the major thing is that once I am there yes I get anxious BUT I also enjoy myself as well. Its just actually getting over the initial fear of being away and for me being sort of on show

sophie

[MOJO]

I know how you feel. I am on the verge of cancelling my holiday. I live on a Scottish island and we are travelling down south all by public transport. A plane from here to Glasgow. Then two trains to our destination. I am so anxious all the time that I don't possibly see how I can go feeling like this. The only reason I would feel bad about cancelling is for my husband's sake, (and I know this would mean the anxiety has won). I can't believe my life has come to this in 9 months. I feel like giving up at the moment.:weep:

[Coni]

Thank you for your replies...I still havent made up my mind about this weekend (I'm such a ditherer).....its like I cant say definitely yes until the last minute.....but I dont think I can go either!! Hubby had a go at me this morning about this but that just makes me feel under more pressure, but then I totally understand his frustration.....I'm beginning to get really cheesed off myself.

I just wish I could work out why I feel so bad then maybe I could do something about it....the thought of being away really scares me.....last night I dreamt that my older sister died while I was away....she's not even ill, perfectly healthy and would be horrified at my dream.....but its just horrible to think of all the things that 'might' happen....and theres the whole social aspect as well.....how will I act, what will I say, what if they think Im stupid....what if I really need to get home and I cant.....what if something happens to my husband or kids while Im gone....what if something happens to us on the way there.....I could scream with all these 'what if's'.

I dont know if its something to do with not being able to get home....but then rationally I know I would if I really needed to so that doesnt make sense either....

And the really stupid thing is theres a tiny part of me would dearly love to be able to do all these things....going away, travelling, going out....all without a second thought....but when it comes to actually doing it I cant.

Pknorth...I'm hoping if I can do this it will help....but goodness knows if I'll actually go!

Gypsywomen...well done on the christening, that was really great! Just shows what we can do if we dig our heels in!

Sophie.. I am worse too if I dont feel organised, but then again too much time just gives me longer to panic....and more opportunity to cancel lol! But I really dont think I could tell anyone how I feel....well my husband knows but he's sick of it now (understandably).

Mojo....please dont give up, you will gradually feel better but it does take time...and you're not alone....and good for you on arranging your holiday in the first place! Is your husband supportive?

its now less than 24 hours away and I've arranged to meet my colleagues in the morning but Ive got one girls mobile number in case I need to cancel...and Im trying to resist the urge to text right now and say Im not going....god I'm so pathetic!!!!

Anyway thanks again....

Coni XXX

[MOJO]

Hi Coni!
My hubbie has been supportive up till now as he suffered from a similar thing years ago. However, I was making a bit of progress until the last few days when things have taken a downward turn. He keeps asking me why I'm like this again?!!!! Surely you should be able to control it by now says he! Oh if only I could! I know it's hard for him but that wasn't helpful at all. Just makes me feel I can't tell him how I'm feeling now and I really need him to be there for me.xx

[Pippy]

I am like this too, but I have to say my husband is really good. He will ignore my behaviour and carry on as normal, but ensures that my panics to go to the toilet and check everything in the house is turned off is supported and not commented on.

I am flying to Paris on 8 July. This is the first time I will be going out of the country for over 30 years. I am practicing my relaxation techniques now. I have tablets to take for just about every contingency. Not doing it is just not going to be an option, but I know i'll get ther in an exhausted state and feeling ill. Holidays:mad: .

[suzy-sue]

Im also like this .:mad: I had to cancel my holiday last year the day before we were about to fly to the Canaries.Ijust couldnt do it.This was the first time this has happened ,We are going away in Sept ,the same place.I cant start to think about it yet as I dont want to get too worked up. I keep telling my Hubby to stop talking about it .He does understand to a certain degree but ,I dont understand why Im like this.:shrug: Im not agrophobic and I dont suffer with Social anxiety.Still Im determined to go! I will post nearer the time ,Fingers crossed. xx

[Rachel_123]

im also like this too. im going on holiday in august, but to be honest, i dont want to go. well i do, but my anxiety says different