On the road to better times but still keep seeing the black cloud

[GirlAfraid23]

I have a boyfriend now, I have moved back home from university and I feel alot happier than I did before, however as mentioned in the title, things are still rocky at times.

I havent had a health anxiety episode in a while, however I have been having issues with my self esteem. I have a lovely boyfriend but I fail to understand why he likes me and why he would want to be with me.
I suffer from acne, not severe but moderate and its beginning to get me down, I constantley wear makeup to cover it up and never thought about anyone else mentioning it. However the other day on msn, a "friend" basically told me that my acne looked worse when I covered it up and that it must be hard having a group of friends as I do (they are all very pretty) and that because I'm less good looking than all of them, I must find it hard. This made me really quite upset. My self confidence levels have plummeted and I really dont know what to do next.

I'm going on holiday with these friends soon and I know I wont be able to wear makeup all the time plus my body isnt in great shape either (well i dont think it is) I'm a size 12 (UK) however it isnt toned enough in my opinion...I get scared of dieting because I took it too far a few years ago and used to write down everything I ate and became obsessed. I wouldnt eat all day at school and then one day I got up in the classroom and I passed out, almost falling down the stairs.

I just want to be completley happy, I dont want my new boyfriend to think that I am insecure and needy. As this is the way alot of my other relationships have gone :weep:

[goingmadder]

first of all the person commenting on MSN was bang out of order.. theres being honest using constructive critisism then theres being cruel and hurtful...

Just to give you some perspective about your self esteem... it really isn't based on how you look its about your perception...

I am 5ft 4 slim, weight about 7.5 st size 6-8 uk size...I am energetic, I have good skin and long brown hair... Thats the Physical side...

In my head, my boobs are too small, my bottom ribs stick out too far, my cheek bones aren't high enough, my hips aren't wide enough and my general opinion of myself is I look like a 12 year old boy without make up (which i rarely wear)

My boyfriend is forever telling me I am gorgeous, most people I know will comment that I am attractive...

So why do I feel like I am no where near worthy enough to be with my man. I expect him to run off with the first attractive woman that comes along... not to mention jealousy on my part (he also has jealousy)

Regarding the make up... I can only imagine that the make up does not do you're acne any favours... not because it makes it more obvious but in the smae way that If i wera foundation today il have a spot or 4 tomorow...

I don't know the ins and outs of acne, treatments and so on...

i do know that You are far more important to your friends your man and the world in general than "your perception of yourself".
You shouldn't worry about the opinons of people who dont count and the people who do count will love you for you and their opinions will be based on who you are not what you look like

Be brave and enjoy the holiday... You deserve it!

X
The people that count