shygirl1976
13-06-09, 11:20
Hi Everyone,
I have a long history of anxiety and worrying about even small things. I am in my early 30s and still live with my mother, I don't get on well with other people and have an incredibly low self esteem.
My mother is my whole world, I feel she is the only person that truly understands and appreciates me. She is my best friend. Two years ago she was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure and every single day since then my mind is just churning over all the time with worry that she's going to die and how I couldn't cope without her. She's now down to about 10% of her kidney function and will have to start kidney dialysis very soon. I am terrified and just feel in turmoil all the time.
In the early hours of last saturday she suffered a heart attack and was admitted to hospital. The past week has been the absolute worst of my life. I have a constant "knot" in my stomach, I feel sick, I can't eat, I don't want to do anything. I cry all the time. I can't even watch TV as I can't concentrate on anything. I tried going to work but wasn't happy there either, so I have now taken a week off. I went to the doctor and he gave me a months supply of citalopram, but after reading the side effects I am too scared to take them.
I want to be in the hospital with my mother all the time, I only have slight relief from this pain when I am by her side and can see that she is OK - but the visiting hours are pathetic and I can only see her for a maximum of 3 hours a day.
The other day they performed an angiogram on her, and that was the very worst day. I read about the complications that can happen and spent the whole time fearing she would die from it. She came through it OK but afterwards they transferred her to ANOTHER hospital, with a kidney unit as they said they are expecting some chemical used in the angiogram to reduce her kidney function even more and that she may suddenly need emergency dialysis over the next few days.
Now I am getting into a panic that she will never come home and catch some hospital infection like MRSA and I am making myself feel really really awful.
I have talked a bit to my neighbours about it and I can tell that they think I am totally overreacting and probably think I am a complete loon. I wish they could understand how real this pain is for me and just how lost I am without my mother. I really need her to come home.
I have a long history of anxiety and worrying about even small things. I am in my early 30s and still live with my mother, I don't get on well with other people and have an incredibly low self esteem.
My mother is my whole world, I feel she is the only person that truly understands and appreciates me. She is my best friend. Two years ago she was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure and every single day since then my mind is just churning over all the time with worry that she's going to die and how I couldn't cope without her. She's now down to about 10% of her kidney function and will have to start kidney dialysis very soon. I am terrified and just feel in turmoil all the time.
In the early hours of last saturday she suffered a heart attack and was admitted to hospital. The past week has been the absolute worst of my life. I have a constant "knot" in my stomach, I feel sick, I can't eat, I don't want to do anything. I cry all the time. I can't even watch TV as I can't concentrate on anything. I tried going to work but wasn't happy there either, so I have now taken a week off. I went to the doctor and he gave me a months supply of citalopram, but after reading the side effects I am too scared to take them.
I want to be in the hospital with my mother all the time, I only have slight relief from this pain when I am by her side and can see that she is OK - but the visiting hours are pathetic and I can only see her for a maximum of 3 hours a day.
The other day they performed an angiogram on her, and that was the very worst day. I read about the complications that can happen and spent the whole time fearing she would die from it. She came through it OK but afterwards they transferred her to ANOTHER hospital, with a kidney unit as they said they are expecting some chemical used in the angiogram to reduce her kidney function even more and that she may suddenly need emergency dialysis over the next few days.
Now I am getting into a panic that she will never come home and catch some hospital infection like MRSA and I am making myself feel really really awful.
I have talked a bit to my neighbours about it and I can tell that they think I am totally overreacting and probably think I am a complete loon. I wish they could understand how real this pain is for me and just how lost I am without my mother. I really need her to come home.