HIV worry

[eleanor_rigby]

I have severe anxiety in relation to sexual health.
In the past 6 months I have performed oral sex on two different guys, neither of which ejaculated in my mouth. The first I have been with sexually on a few occasions, have tested for him before and come out negative. However after I gave him oral sex this time around he told me he had been with another girl in between that time and the last time I was with him so I'm afraid she could have given him HIV which he could have then given to me.

The second guy is one of my friends who told me he hasn't been tested so he doesn't know for sure. I'm extremely worried even though these guys I met at university, are 20 years old and don't take drugs. I'm still so afraid because you can never tell just by looking at someone. I'm not able to get tested for HIV until September because I don't want to get false negative results. I'm just looking for some reassurance, even though many of you probably don't know much about this. I hate feeling down about it and regret it so much.

[lauren6]

Alix, it's not a usual way of transmission. Also, the girl would have had to have HIV to give it to him. Is the girl an IV drug user...can you ask him? Did he use a condom with that girl? I don't know if you had intercourse with the guy in question...hope you used a condom but in the future so you don't have to go through this again, use a condom for ANY type of sex. Any fluid can contain the virus. The chances are really slim but I don't want you to go through this anxiety again. This is something, unlike diseases that come over us...that you are in total control of. I hope you're comfortable enough to ask the guy these questions but you know that there's just so much you can know about the history of the girl and all of her exes down the chain. Let me put it this way, oral sex is so common and I have never known anyone who got HIV this way so far...so don't worry but like you said, you regret it and we learn from our mistakes, to use every precaution next time.

[Bailey2001]

i went through a similar thing myself a few years back...(not that i was given oral to a man!!!)....the chances of you getting HIV from oral sex are very very very slim and remember, the guy would have to contract hiv in the first place...which is about 1 : 140 chance from a girl.....then of course, the sperm would have to enter into your blood stream....which means you would have to have bleeding gums etc...

When i became obsessed by HIV, i convinced myself i had it....took me 3 negative tests to finally believe i was ok.

HIV is not as common as people want you to believe, especially in Hetro relationships...nine times out of 10 there are other factors involved.

Obviously, the more safe sex you practice, the better and the less worries you will have..but i am certain you will be ok

pm for any other questions on this topic

Phil

[Bailey2001]

and please remember, if anyone gets a test done and its negative....please believe the result, they are very very accurate..dont go down my route of having multiple tests because i couldnt accept the good news!

[Stressed32]

Hi Alix-
I too fear HIV. You can get past this by educating yourself. If you read other posts you will see that having a - test does NOT always do the trick! I have had a - test...but I have a creative mind and can talk myself into a million reasons why my test was wrong....don't do that! Instead, educate yourself about the real risk of getting this disease:

First, let me tell you that getting it through normal heterosexual sex (non anal and no drugs) is VERY hard. The chances of you getting hit by lightning are much higher! It is even harder for:

1. a man to get it from a woman unless she was on her period when they had sex
and
2. through oral sex

The chances of a woman getting it from a man through reg. sex (no anal and no drugs) are 0.01% or 1 in 1000 sexual encounters. It is even lower than that for oral sex. The chances of a man getting it from a woman is 0.09% or 1 in 9000 sexual encounters. There have been MANY people who have had partners who were + and never passed the disease after YEARS of unprotected sex....Magic Johnson and Liberache are 2 of them. Both of these men were HIV+ and never passed it to their sexual partners. Think about it.....if HIV was as easy to pass sexually as our HA minds would have us to beleive...we'd all have it cause everyone over the age of 18, and some even younger, has sex! And many of us can not say we have NEVER had unprotected sex. If HIV were spread that easily, we'd all have it!!

So relax, it is a very HARD disease to pass. So hard in fact that it is almost not considered an STD. Your chances of getting any other STD are much higher...so BE SAFE.....but don't fret over HIV. Many times when you hear of people getting HIV through heterosexual sex.....there are other factors that we often times dont know about....what I mean by that is that people are hardly willing to admit that they are having anal sex or doing drugs or sleeping with other men behind their girlfriend's backs.....so you really are fine! Again, this guy more than likely does not have HIV b/c it is really hard for a man to get it from a woman. So you CAN'T get HIV from someone who does not even have it!

Good luck and.....STAY OFF OF GOOGLE!!!! Just FYI.....stress can make u exhibit sympoms that mock HIV because of the cortisol it makes your body produce. Over time, cortisol will tear up your immune system....so try to relax and not talk yourself into having this. Ever hear about women who want to be pregnant so badly that they have a + preg. test even though there is no baby? Ever hear of the placibo effect? Your mind can MAKE things happen to your body, so PLEASE relax!
Stressed32

[MoonlightFire]

I am really worried about getting HIV from oral too. I came off my anti anxiety medication a month and a half ago and have got straight back on my HIV fears! I've been panicking really badly for days...even in my sleep! I gave a guy oral sex once when I was at university and I did have a few areas in my mouth that were sore at the time. Really worried.

[westofengland]

HIV is a classic fear for sufferers of Health Anxiety, me included, I've had three tests in the last 18 months! Here is what i have learned. The chances of getting it from oral sex are very very very low and if he didn't come in your mouth, probably vanishingly low. Most people in the UK don't have HIV despite the scare stories in the press. Check out avert.org for the stats. Finally you don't have to wait three months for the test. If your clinic does the DUO test - tests for HIV antibodies and antigens - they get a very good indication after about four weeks. Certainly by 7-8 weeks it's pretty much conclusive. They're just being conservative sticking to 90 days and that is what a nurse from the NHS told me. Don't worry, get tested earlier if you want (private clinics do the DUO test for about 100 quid) and don't let HIV worries spoil your life. Unless you have unprotected anal sex or hang out with prostitutes and druggies your chances of getting infected are very low - but of course, stay sensible

[MoonlightFire]

:) thank you westofengland. I'm going to have a look at the stats in a minute. Also going to the doctor tomorrow to sort out going back on my anti anxiety medication and am going to ask for an HIV test too :)

[westofengland]

OK a quick tip - if you get it done at a GUM clinic at your hospital it's entirely anonymous. In other words, you don't have to tell anyone in the future you have had a test - they ask you on insurance forms. A GUM will never tell anyone but a GP will. A GUM will only tell your GP if it;s positive, which yours won't be. I live near Bath, and the GUM clinic sends the blood off to a big clinic in Bristol which is probably where my GP would send it too. I'd book a test at the GUM clinic though as the 'drop in' sessions are a bit worrying and depressing!

[MoonlightFire]

Why were they worrying and depressing? Oops I read the stats and they made me panic :(

[gracesophia]

I think it depends on the clinic. I always (yes, I worry a lot about sexual health!) just go to drop-in session because it takes so long to get an appointment.

The chances of getting HIV from oral sex (especially with no ejaculation) are so impossibly small that some doctors don't even really think it happens. Even with gum disease or sore mouth patches. There are at least 12 enzymes in saliva that inhibit HIV from reproducing.

[Says she who is worried she might have it even though I didn't even have sex or oral sex with the guy! Why are we always so much better at reassuring each other than ourselves!]

[MoonlightFire]

Wow, is that true about the 12 enzymes? I rang the THT and they did say enzymes in the mouth weaken the viirus. I'm still really worried about this. I went to my doctor and she said that I can go for a test to ease my worries but to go when I feel ready.

...I just need the courage.