belle
19-06-09, 07:54
I'm nutso. I really am.
As you might know my (abusive) marriage split up back in September, but 3 weeks ago, HE asked for a divorce. I was devestated to say the least. I thought my world had ended, but why? He was HORRIBLE to me. He use to say terrible things to me that reduced me to nothing. I am a person who hates everything about herself...I am SOOOOOOOOOOO over my marriage!!!!! :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:
...but, we have a (new) problem. See, there is this guy, he's nice to me. We've know each other for 5 years. He actually knew all about my "problems" before we'd even met. He came over last weekend and we had a lovely day. Thing is though, i am struggling to believe a single word he says. In fact, every thing he does say to me i am analysing and picking apart to the point of ridiculousness. I spent FOUR hours last night telling him that i am not worth his time. That he should find someone "Normal".... and when he says he wants to spend time with me and that i am lovely, i laugh in his face and in a rather petulant way say "WHATEVER"...
I DO THIS. THIS IS WHAT I DO (even at the beginning of the relationship with my ex i did this - push him away before we'd even started)....I try and sabotage anything that seems or appears to be good. I do NOT want to be hurt again and i know its only a matter of time before he gets eff'd off with my behaviour. All the time i was talking to him last night i was putting myself down..."I'm nothing like your ex"..."I can't go out, i can't go to the cinema"...."I'm mental"...."I'm ugly"...."GET BACK WITH YOUR EX" (that was the best one)..."You're friends will hate me - IF i ever get to meet them"...What the hell is wrong with me???? At one point i told him that if i was him i would run in the opposite direction from me as fast as he can and DO NOT LOOK BACK!
Seriously, i am the most untrusting, disbelieving person in the whole entire world and i think i need help. I think i behave in this way to protect myself. I don't want to believe what he says, in case its not true and i've let myself get sucked in....but on the otherside of the coin, he IS so nice. On Wednesday i got a gorgeous bunch of flowers delivered to me. What do i do? I analysed THAT to death....
Another thing is, which is just WRONG, is that i am trying to be cool (yeah, i know, me - cool? I am sounding really cool aren't i...lol), but if don't hear from him or he doesn't text me i am freaking the hell out....its all so contradictory. I am pushing him away....but scared if i hear nothing....what i frigging mess!
I said last night that him pretending to like me is a bet....:ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy:
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As you might know my (abusive) marriage split up back in September, but 3 weeks ago, HE asked for a divorce. I was devestated to say the least. I thought my world had ended, but why? He was HORRIBLE to me. He use to say terrible things to me that reduced me to nothing. I am a person who hates everything about herself...I am SOOOOOOOOOOO over my marriage!!!!! :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:
...but, we have a (new) problem. See, there is this guy, he's nice to me. We've know each other for 5 years. He actually knew all about my "problems" before we'd even met. He came over last weekend and we had a lovely day. Thing is though, i am struggling to believe a single word he says. In fact, every thing he does say to me i am analysing and picking apart to the point of ridiculousness. I spent FOUR hours last night telling him that i am not worth his time. That he should find someone "Normal".... and when he says he wants to spend time with me and that i am lovely, i laugh in his face and in a rather petulant way say "WHATEVER"...
I DO THIS. THIS IS WHAT I DO (even at the beginning of the relationship with my ex i did this - push him away before we'd even started)....I try and sabotage anything that seems or appears to be good. I do NOT want to be hurt again and i know its only a matter of time before he gets eff'd off with my behaviour. All the time i was talking to him last night i was putting myself down..."I'm nothing like your ex"..."I can't go out, i can't go to the cinema"...."I'm mental"...."I'm ugly"...."GET BACK WITH YOUR EX" (that was the best one)..."You're friends will hate me - IF i ever get to meet them"...What the hell is wrong with me???? At one point i told him that if i was him i would run in the opposite direction from me as fast as he can and DO NOT LOOK BACK!
Seriously, i am the most untrusting, disbelieving person in the whole entire world and i think i need help. I think i behave in this way to protect myself. I don't want to believe what he says, in case its not true and i've let myself get sucked in....but on the otherside of the coin, he IS so nice. On Wednesday i got a gorgeous bunch of flowers delivered to me. What do i do? I analysed THAT to death....
Another thing is, which is just WRONG, is that i am trying to be cool (yeah, i know, me - cool? I am sounding really cool aren't i...lol), but if don't hear from him or he doesn't text me i am freaking the hell out....its all so contradictory. I am pushing him away....but scared if i hear nothing....what i frigging mess!
I said last night that him pretending to like me is a bet....:ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy:
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!