Need Help!!

[amsufyan38]

Hi Guys..

I'm very new to this site but it's a relief to know that I'm not alone...

I need your help...I'm a 25 years old Asian married with two kids. I got married at the age of 18 to a girl from India. It was an arranged marriage which I agreed to and it was in no way forced. Well that's my introduction and my backgroud and now to my problems:

I just lack total confidence when I have to interact with people. I never answer the phone, never answer the door, when I go to supermakets I avoid people who I know, never go out with friends (I've only got a couple of friends), never go to drop my son off at School.

At work I've got a really bad attendance record. I work in a call centre and and as to avoid interacting with other people, I make up excuses to call in and then not to go to work. At work I've had problems making friends. This is because I can't talk in English fluently which I think is because of my confidence. My mother tounge is Urdu and as I've grown up I've always had friends who talk in my mother tounge. And as my self esteem has lowered I just can't seem to string a sentance in English without making any errors. This only happens when I speak English. It's not so much of a problem when I've got to write it as you can probably make out. Still, I'm aware it's not how it should be. Because I can't talk fluently I can't join in discussions and I feel very isolated and awkward....I feel really ashmed to discuss it with someone as I fell they'll laugh at me. I don't have any English friends to whom I can practise talking in English..I've got no idea as to how I should go about improving my English....

Don't know what to do.....

Guys Please Please Help.....



Amin

[nomorepanic]

Hi Amin

Welcome aboard and thanks for the intro.

I am wondering if all your social anxiety is because of your worry about not speaking very good English?

I am thinking that maybe you get a home tutor to come and work wtih you. You tend to find that some language teachers that work at schools also do "out-of-hours" classes to students as well.

I am not sure the cost of this but it would be worth it wouldn't it?

You could look in a local paper to see if anyone does this sort of thing or even put up your own advert in the local shops asking for an English teacher that did home visits in the evenings.

Alternatively do you have a local college where you could enrol in English classes?

Just an idea anyway.



Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[nomorepanic]

Amin - I removed your other post as it was identical to this one and people will see this one so don't worry.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Quirky]

Welcome to the site Amin,
I can't really add to what Nicola said as she had some great ideas. You need to find someone you're comfortable practising your english with to build up your confidence. I don't think you have any problem with understanding english as your written english is excellent, better than many british people.
Good luck,
LJ

[amsufyan38]

Thanks for your messages..Much appreciated

Just one thing I forgot to mention though..

I'm myself British and I was born and bred in this country but I still have these problems....

Any suggestions...


Amin

[Meg]

Hi Amin

Perhaps you could start by making an effort to increase your social life for your whole family by mixing with other families who have Urdu as a 1st language but whom speak English fluently too , so you can get used to speaking a combination of both in a no pressure setting and try gradually to increase the amount of English and less Urdu.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[stardust]

Hi Amin, Sounds like you are going through a bit of a tough time with yourself. You know what, i think you should just go for it, open that door and go out there.