Erm yeah.....!

[Dale.]

Always been a bit wobbly since I was about 25, but have always managed to get on with things during my bad spells but six months ago I was told that I may have liver cancer. Since then... well you can imagine the anxiety and the thoughts I have had and introspection.

Was told last week that they (the consutants) are as "certain as they can be at this stage that I do not have liver cancer" but they won't rule it out entirely. It's a relief but isn't, it didn't really feel like an answer or relief to me and whilst friends and family celebrate my 'good news', I still have this fear in my mind, and obviously there's still some concern as I have to go back every three months for MRI and CT scans.

I really don't know... I think I had prepared myself for the worst and the not knowing one way or another lead to my anxiety but I don't think the outcome of the results has really helped. If anything it's made it worse, I made my peace with the world and my life and was prepared, and also prepared for the good news too - but I feel like they have given me an answer which is tantamount to "don't know".

So that's it, 28 years old, male, withdrawing from cital', can't sleep, can't eat, my best friend who I love has MS and is 25, I am unemployed and deeply unhappy and want to be the person I was four years ago.

It's so frustrating to see my parents be pleased about the news and I don't feel the same way, and if I mention my worries about it, I get told I am being self obsessed and dwelling on it, that I should get on with my life.

Well there's my introduction.

[Dale.]

9am and what did I get after not sleeping a wink,

"Get your act together, you're enjoying this now", off my mum. I was so angry I called her a b*tch and stormed off, I have tried to explain to her that I still feel horrible and have massive anxiety but her response is just to get on with it, she can't get it into her skull that I can't. She honestly believes I am enjoying this or doing it for..... for what I don't know?! For six months I have had this big C looming over me and it's barely 72 hours ago that I got told that it looks like I don't have cancer.

What does she expect me to do? Suddenly forget about it all and continue with everything as thought it never happened, forget about these omnious lesions on my liver that are still under investigation? <insert appropiate emoticon>

I think she is making things worse. I appreciate them putting me up since I lost my job but I wish they'd leave me alone or give me some support, she is the kind of person who can't be talked with or reasoned with either. Stubborn as an old goat. I am quite tempted to say, "**** off and leave me the ***** alone" because she is making me so angry and the only person who seems to get where I am coming from is my best friend.

Something is going to give today, and it's going to be me and I am going to say some nasty things quite simply because she can't be reasoned with or refuses to accept how I am feeling. I really hate her right now.

[marie1974]

Hiya Dale and welcome to nmp, i am believe that parents/family usually don't understand what we are going through and quite often with dep or anxiety they have experianced it themselves but are often in denial about things themselves and never really understand us, mine are very ignorant and choose not to try understand me, but thats there loss.

i am sure your mum is there for you in her own way and loves you loads but i find friends will often help more and be there for you.

you will get lots of great advice here and understanding
hugs xxx

[lorac]

Hi

Welcome to the site I think you will get lots of good support and advice on here.

Take care

Carol