why cant i just go to work.

[Nicola_lou]

I can't go to work my stomach turns thinking about it, I just can't be there. I was sent home felt really ill, and I've now been use. To staying in the house getting up cleaning then to the shops or stuff. Its like I'm scared now 2 go back I really haven't got the head for it. But what happens now, I've gotta get a sick note but what if I can't go back again for weeks.
I don't like staying home I know we all need to work I have since I was 16 but I feel so guilty for not being there, now I'm worried ill get sacked for sickness. I've never been sacked before and I have bills to pay. I'm on good money but I feel so trapped, my car is once again off the road but I can't drive far cause ill have a pa. So I can't even drive myself to work. I'm so angry with myself.
How do I get in the mind frame to go back to work, I can't. I wanted to go back last time around and I was still like a bag of nerves then and fog brain. Now I feel paronoid like I don't want anyone to see me or talk to me. I would like a job I sat in the corner and got on with things.
Please help wat do I do. How do I get back to work.

[jill]

Hi Nicola :D:hugs:

Ohhh hunny, you are being to hard on yourself,:hugs: it is sooo dame hard understanding panic/anxiety, blimey, its the hardest thing I have EVER had to learn.

Hun, when we are acute we must TRY and learn to except how we are, JUST FOR NOW, help ourselves understand that we are like this, JUST FOR NOW, until we can learn all about panic/anxiety and about ourselves.

If we try and push away these feelings of panic, anxiety, we are going against our mind and body's natral responses, our bodys are saying there is something wrong, something that needs to be addressed, but when acute with panic, anxiety we find it DAME hard to know and understand just what it is we have to address.

From what you have written, you are not allowing yourself the time off work, your mind and body need it, JUST FOR NOW, the more presure and guilt you put on yourself regarding work, ohhhh hunny, this is feeding your anxiety, please hun, don't do this to yourself, :hugs: YOU ARE allowed time off work, they cannot sack you for being sick:hugs: There are plenty of people out there who have been off work sick for months, what matters MORE hunny is the way you think about all this, ITS OK, to be sick BUT, help yourself understand that there IS something you can do to help yourself.

If you had a broken leg your thought pattens would go like this,

"oh my leg is broken not sure how long its going to take to fix but I can't go to work with a broken leg," YOU WOULD ALLOW yourself time off, same with a virus YES, but with anxiety your not talking to yourself kindly AND HUNNY, this is a must, if a friend was unwell and could not go to work, you would NOT march around there and give her grief over not going to work, would you???? you would confort her and reasure her YES?? YET you are beating yourself up about not going to work, hunny, I know its hard but you need to TRY and learn to talk to yourself in a MORE positive reasuring way, like you would a friend, be kind to yourself.

Nicola, working on thought pattens regarding panic, anxiety and how we think of it is not easy, it takes alot of hard work time and the right support, are attatued towords how we are NOW, is something that we need to work on, we need to except how we are FOR NOW, tell ourselves its OK, to be off work, use positive self thoughts. ITS ok to be off work, but I am going to work on other things regarding my panic/anxiety, set small goals, ones that YOU KNOW YOU can achieve.

I know its dame hard for you but you need to try and take this quilt away, YOU HAVE NOTHING to feel quilty about hunny :hugs: everyone gets sick from time to time.

When we feel trapped and can't find positive pathways forward we feed our anxiety AND YET, we are yet to understand, WE ARE NOT trapped, there are things we can work on, eg, small goal, learning to change the way we think, all these things take time and I feel, for you right now, that work is such a big goal that YOU feel, at this present moment in time, you cannot achieve, BUT, with making small goels and acheiving them, the bigger goals get closer and closer AND you WILL in time, get back to work.

So, hunny, to answer your question, How do I get back to work? is to start with allowing yourself time off, taking presure off regarding your job, ohh I know this is not easy.

You take care hun :hugs:YOU WILL get back to work,

LOVE JILLXX

[fretty freda]

please read through my posts ive been there done that an got the exact same tshirt as u xx

[Kerrigan]

There's alot of Nicki's on this site isn't there, my name is Nicola Louise too. I know how you feel about the pressure of work. I was sacked because I wouldn't attend the meetings. They'd put a sign up saying 'Staff Meeting, all must attend' or 'compulsory meeting' and my heart would sink.

I was coaxed into 2 or 3 meetings in the year I worked there-it was an old peoples home but from the moment I sat down it was as if my brain switched mode and not even for a million dollars could not have sat and just listened. If I wasn't getting dirty looks it would be sniggers or dismayed glances and people would ask 'what is the problem? all you need to do is sit there, it's not like you're working-just listening'. The truth is I didn't know myself what it was I just knew, as sure as the day is long, that tension would get the best of me and I'd either leave the room or ruin it for everyone.

Even people I thought were my friends would laugh about me and ignore me until the deputy manager took me aside and asked if 'do you think staying here is really worth it?' I felt a mixture of wanting to laugh and cry at her audacity.

In the end I had to go and my mind was too fragile to try fight, even the Union would have been weirded out by me and all the time I kept saying to my boss 'just find me another place to go where I can work alone' but she wouldn't.

Back then all I wanted was to work completely alone and I said that to every careers advisor, just find me anything thats isolated, I even considered working as an embalmer for the security, money and privacy. I realise now though that working alone was kind of what got me into this mess, I did 8 hour stints in plastic factories that fried my brain and that was when things started going off track. Sorry about the length of this post but I would recommend that you keep working, I still work but it's really substandard. Good luck to you :)