bcr
21-06-09, 22:41
For the first time in over five years I have met someone that I have completely fallen for and whilst in someways he's completely reciprocating in terms of wanting to spend time with me and hating being apart from me, he's refusing to actually get into a relationship because of how his ex hurt him and some serious health issues he currently has.
I've told him I don't care about whether he's ill or not and will stick with him and support him, and explained how I feel lonely because he won't be with me properly or trust that I'm not going to hurt him.
Within a week of meeting each other we knew a hell of a lot about each other. I could trust him to tell him all about my depression and other stuff from my past and know it wasn't going to make him run away.
He's told me that I have more of him than anyone else. And recently I tried to end things and he spent the whole time moping about and sleeping and missing me. And I should be able to trust in that reaction enough that when he's ready he will commit to a relationship but I can't find the strength to be there for him how he needs me.
I know he's ill and in a way I'm being selfish because he has been honest about where he's at and being unemotional and not wanting a relationship. But the way we are with each other is like we're in a relationship.
It's bringing out all the worst traits of my anxiety and the more it does the more I act irrationally and I'll end up pushing him away anyway. Does anyone have any tips on how to think rationally about all of this?
I need to stop what feels like a self-destructive path that could not only harm us both emotionally but actually make both of us physically/mentally ill too...
I've just come off citalopram and apart from this situation am feeling fairly stable - but I feel like if I'm going to support him with his health issues I need some commitment back that he's going to be there if all this pressure makes me ill again. I'm used to dealing with this by myself (which really hasn't helped in the past) but I'm now willing to let someone else support me.
I've been so single-minded and independent for so long, and determined that I will deal with my illness by myself (after over relying on my first bf about 10 years ago) that this is all scary, but I can't seem to find a solution to the situation and I'm scared it will make me crazy!
I've told him I don't care about whether he's ill or not and will stick with him and support him, and explained how I feel lonely because he won't be with me properly or trust that I'm not going to hurt him.
Within a week of meeting each other we knew a hell of a lot about each other. I could trust him to tell him all about my depression and other stuff from my past and know it wasn't going to make him run away.
He's told me that I have more of him than anyone else. And recently I tried to end things and he spent the whole time moping about and sleeping and missing me. And I should be able to trust in that reaction enough that when he's ready he will commit to a relationship but I can't find the strength to be there for him how he needs me.
I know he's ill and in a way I'm being selfish because he has been honest about where he's at and being unemotional and not wanting a relationship. But the way we are with each other is like we're in a relationship.
It's bringing out all the worst traits of my anxiety and the more it does the more I act irrationally and I'll end up pushing him away anyway. Does anyone have any tips on how to think rationally about all of this?
I need to stop what feels like a self-destructive path that could not only harm us both emotionally but actually make both of us physically/mentally ill too...
I've just come off citalopram and apart from this situation am feeling fairly stable - but I feel like if I'm going to support him with his health issues I need some commitment back that he's going to be there if all this pressure makes me ill again. I'm used to dealing with this by myself (which really hasn't helped in the past) but I'm now willing to let someone else support me.
I've been so single-minded and independent for so long, and determined that I will deal with my illness by myself (after over relying on my first bf about 10 years ago) that this is all scary, but I can't seem to find a solution to the situation and I'm scared it will make me crazy!