25, new to the site & would LOVE SOME ADVICE !

[Rachael25]

Hi,

I am writing to ask for some support and to hopefully maybe help others with my experiences. I have just found the site and found myself nearly in tears when I read the article about Health Anxiety by Meg. It seemed to fit me so well, the personality type profile, the behaviours, even bits such as my Boyfriend recently banning Take a Break from my sight for fear of me reading its depressing "true life" medical heartache stories and getting more anxious.

Thanks for such inspiring material, it makes a whole heap of difference to know there are others the same as me and I'm looking forward to getting responses from others (that's if they don't fall asleep with the amount I am writing....sorry...it's just all pouring out!....)

My name's Rachael and I'm 25 years old. I've been worrying about my health since 5th July (I can even remember the date I first felt dizzy!) and the constant worry has taken over my life.

I started feeling quite dizzy after having some new glasses - I took them back and they said they were fine so I started to think it could be a neurological problem. I didn't tell anyone what I was thinking at the time so it started to escalate into an obsession and one day when I noticed one of the ridges on my head whilst shampooing my hair I had a full blown panic attack, a feeling like I wanted to escape, couldn't cope and couldn't calm myself down. I was convinced I had a brain tumour.

My older brother saw what a state I was in (I was in hysterics by this time feeling my head) and he was really kind, but explained that everyone has lumps on their heads. He showed me that I had the same ridge, but smaller, on the other side and made me touch my head to prove to me that it was just bone so nothing to worry about. When he mentioned that brain tumours don't emerge on the outside because of your skull, it made me feel better (in calmer terms) for a few minutes, but ever since then the thought of dying, having a brain tumour, and often other serious illness has never left my mind.

I live with my Mum and Dad who have been very supportive, but I find that I am constantly asking them for reassurance, e.g., "I would have headaches if I had a brain tumour wouldn't I?" etc. I have never had headaches and I do not have any now and the more people tell me that you wouldn't necessarily get headaches if you did have a brain tumour, the more I panic again.

I have a nice job and have a lot of good friends there. However, I ended up taking 4 weeks off work as I couldn't cope being around "normal" people who didn't understand what I was going through. During the worst of my panic I stopped eating as I thought my co-ordination felt funny when I was using my knife and fork,I couldn't even face putting my make-up on (you have to understand, I love make-up, doing my nails and looking nice has been the fun part of my life!! LOL !) Even now I am avoiding things like showers as much as possible as I often get a sinking/light headed sensation when I am in there. I feel as though nothing matters anymore, I have been saving to move out and have saved a lot of money, but I don't care anymore - I'd give it away in a second if someone could make me feel better.

At first, I went to my Doctor in tears and told him I thought I had a brain tumour. He was very kind and sat with me for nearly an hour discussing my thoughts. He thought it was anxiety as I lost my Grandad last year who was the first person I was close to who died. I also lost my Dog and Cat, that although sounds silly, had been around all through my childhood so a massive pain was felt by all of us when we lost them.

After the Doctors the physical symptoms still stayed, I went home feeling anxious and dizzy, started feeling wobbly walking around like I may fall all the time and had problems swallowing. I went back to the Doctors with my parents and my Doctor again was great and gave me a medical examination of my balance, and things like asking me to touch my nose with my eyes shut, checked my eyes and reflexes. He said everything was ok and tha

[Piglet]

Hi Rachael,

I think you will get loads of response here - pretty well most of us feel like you do.

A big welcome to the site hun and I hope it will help and reassure you.

Love Piglet :)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[tracyp584]

Hey Rachael,

A Big welcome to the site, you will find lots of support and advice here.

Take care,

tracy x x

[Kristi Pipkin]

Hi Rachael

This is a great website and has really helped me, I found the pages on the definition of panic attacks, the symptoms and the first steps completely brilliant, so much so that I have printed them out and keep them with me as a sort of 'bible' and whenever I need to reassure myself read through the pages - it helps to know that you're not the only one out there suffering from anxiety and that the symtoms you are feeling can not hurt you.

You will find a lot of support here because everyone speaks from experience - welcome to the site :)

[tony]

rachael dont worry about the long post,you sound very much like i was last year providing your tests all come back negative,its safe to assume its probably GAD(general anxiety disorder),you should ask your doctor to refer you for a mental health assement,which is good. you need to get rid of the thoughts of something worse that anxiety,what has helped me is lots of light excersise,(walking-which i couldnt do last year because i was housebound)a good diet and help from a nurse,also relaxtion is important.meg will probably put some links up for you to read.good luck, my email/msn is metaltony@gmail.com if you need any support
tony

metal,rock, and hardcore music is my life!

[Meg]

Rachael

Didn't mean to upset you ..

Your next step is specific CBT therapy. The link to the official site is on on our finding help or therapy page.

The Battle that Rages in my Head (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4149)

contiuously obsessed with dying (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2691)
'what if this is it this time thoughts' (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4694)
CONSTANT CHECKING (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4795)
can someone reasure me? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3931)
Fear of tumour... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4890)




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[seh1980]

Welcome aboard!! :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[helen__w]

Hi Rachael

I suffer from health anxiety too! I started out in July with swallowing problems and couldnt eat solid foods - this then developed into a fear of a having a heart attack. I went for a bupa health assessment too but like you it didnt make me running out jumping for joy even though they said everything was fine! They worked out my risk of having a heart attack in the next 10 years and it was less than 1%! I check my pulse constantly and breathe into a mirror and hate the night time too - I often go into the chat room so if you cant sleep why dont you pop in

I have started cbt therapy and I have already seen some improvements so I would recommend you give this a try if you can.

Take care and feel free to PM me if you want a chat

Helen x

[Quirky]

Welcome to the site Rachael
LJ :)

[vernon]

Hi rach and welcome to the site. I have had anxiety, phobias and dreaded health anxiety for years. Dont let it ruin your life rach you are young? Two years ago I went to doctor with bad tummy pains and feeling real ill lost weight didn’t want to eat and like you no interest in things I loved doing. She sent me for some blood tests and said my calcium was raised. Home I went and checked on the net about raised Calcium and to my horror it said calcium is raised when cancer spreads to other parts of the body; Wow what a panic then straight back to doctors and told her what I read, She sent me for another blood test and the calcium was even higher omg this made me so so ill and convinced I would die anytime from colon cancer. She referred me to a gastro specialist when ordered me more blood tests, chest x-ray, barium enema and a sygmoidoscopy. All these tests took the best part of 10 months and when I returned to the specialist he said they found nothing wrong with any of the tests and said I had IBS. What a relief that was so I asked him what about the raised Calcium then at the start. He said that can happen for no reason and my gp didn’t read the results properly. So there was about 18 months of my life ruined and hell all for over worrying and reading wrong symptoms on the net?
I am 56 now and had anxiety on and off for far back as I can remember. Also health anxiety on and off between this time. Like you I find a little lump or bump and make myself Ill for weeks over nothing. If I was ever right about any of these illnesses wouldn’t I have been dead years ago? Even now I been getting breathlessness and chest pains (the tummy is ok after going through all them tests lol) but now I just carry on with life and enjoy what I can. I always think last time it was anxiety but what if it is a real illness this time. But have learned now to just carry on, we will get ill one day everyone in the world will? So we can either sit and worry about it and wasn’t years of fauls alarms, or we can carry on and enjoy life best we can you are young and you can get better and Its slow but you will enjoy things again. Take care. Vernon

[clickaway]

Hi Rachael,

Much interested in reading your story - its good to get a good understanding before responding for the first time.

Yes, I lack concentration and at work often had to retreat to the loo for 10 minutes to get myself together and escape all those 'innocent' remarks in the office that I turned around to upset me.

I have a real lack of motivation - the first things to go are things like ironing and cleaning (unsurprisingly), but then there are times when things that I enjoy go out of the window too. You'll see from this site that people's sex drive often goes too.

Being on your own just gives your mind an excuse to think about you and your ills more, so its hardly surprising that we go downhill then. I certainly do. Linked to this is bad sleep - there are no distractions, are there?

Incidentally, how do you feel on waking in the morning? I and many others feel fairly bad and it takes a while to get in 'normal mode', and here I speak in relative terms!

I personally dont have a thing with checking. I sometimes I have to check because my short term memory suffers as a result sometimes.

I would advise against surfing the net, as you will often get worrying responses that are not true to your situation and this will exacerbate your worry and physical symptoms more. You know what I mean, your "brain tumor" will get worse, when in fact you haven't got one at all.

Just ask on here - there are many here that have been along the same road as yourself, and they should be able to answer in the appopriate anxiety context.

I do get a touch of health anxiety, and its not easy to shrug off even when the Doctor says you are fine. We seem to want 110% reassuarnce, don't we?

Take Care,

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

[sal]

Hi Rachael

Welcome to the site. You have had some great replies and we are all here to support you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[jill]

Hi Racheal

WELCOME TO THE SITE

As you can see there are lots of nice people here who will help and support you.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

When you fear something,
learn as much about it as you can.
Knowledge conquers fear.

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi Rachael

A big welcome to the site and thankyou for sharing your story

love

MANDIE XX

Will I ever escape this?
Will I ever be free?
Wake me up from this nightmare.
Please just give me the key!

[Parker]

Hi Rachael.

You'll really like it here, so much support and advice. For me, when I realized I wasn't the only one who had these kind of obsessive thoughts was when I could start ro rationalise them.

Take care,
Px

[michelleann]

hi rachel
welcome to the site:D
you will find loads of help and advice here! i also suffer from health anxiety although not as bad as i use too. knowing your not alone really helps, like meg suggested cbt therapy might be just what you need. its all about thoughts and how we care to use it, learning to switch negative thoughts to positive!!
take care hun
michelle xxx

[Gareth]

Rachael

Many of us on here have been through or are currently going through something very very similar to yourself.

I have one simply recommendation for you which has helped me and helped a lot of others here - read a book called "Self help for your nerves" by Claire Weekes.

It explains simply what many of us go through, how it happens, and gives some ideas of things to do about it. It really is a classic in the subject area and has been around for years.

Honestly Rachael the first task for you is to convince yourself that nothing is physically wrong with you. These things have happened because of changes in your emotions and stresses - but you can certainly feel better if you take the advice of the right people. This site will be invaluable to you - always feel free to PM me if you like,

Gareth

*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***

[Karen]

Hi Rachael

Welcome to the forum.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[kairen]

Hi Rachel,

welcome to the site, as you can see everyone understands what your going through, before i found this site i thought it was only me that felt like that, I do hope all of the wonderful replies you have had have been a help to you,

take care

kairen x

[strawberrie]

hi rachael, welcome to the forum, i hope it helps you.

i suffer from health anxiety too, and i have found it so helpful to come here and realise (for the first time) that other people feel the same way as me.

I know what you mean about checking symptoms, this is something I do too, even though I know it won't help as it's pretty unlikely my symptoms would change from one minute to the next!

One thing I do to help myself is to get involved with something creative. I always do little 'projects' that I know will not take too long to do, so in that way I can motivate myself to start them, and i usually find once i've started, i don't want to stop! Once I have become absorbed in something I find it really helps to take my mind off things.

It sounds like you have an understanding doctor, which is great, you said that he diagnosed you with anxiety, but did he take this any further? Don't be afraid to ask him for help with your anxiety, and not just your 'physical' symptoms, as he is there to help with your emotional health too, and you are lucky to have found a doctor that is so understanding.

I hope I'll see you in chat, we usually have a laugh in there, and i'm sure it would make you feel better.:D

Feel free to pm me if you want to chat.
Take care,
mag xx

[munchkin555]

hi honey i know exactly how u feel! i am like that near enough every day! the days i'm not like that are like having all my christmases at once lol.
all i can say is that things do get easier, it takes time and hard work to get better but you will get there. its all about accepting your symptoms as anxiety and forcing yourself to do things that you are afraid of, the longer you hide from them the worse you will be.
i have a good book which will helpyou as it has all sorts of little forms to fill in that help you to be rational about what you are thinking or feeling its called
"cognative behaviour therapy for dummies" it is really good!
i am like u, i always think the worst and get convinced i am seriously ill, the thing is tho, the more you check yourself or get reassurance the more the irrational thoughts stay with you. i know its hard but really all you need to do when you get thoughts like that is just think "ok then, what ever" and just let your thoughts carry on. at the end of the day thoughts are nothing you cant control them or get rid of them but the more you accept them as just thoughts the quicker you will get better. it takes time and practise but you will get there! take care hun
love vicki x

[Tink]

Hello

I can totally relate to your story. 30th August was when I had my first panic attack. since then I have been in and out of the doctors having blood tests, and an ecg and all come back fine. But I am constantly checking my body and I too found the lumps on back of my head and for days was convinced this was not right and must be a brain tumour until I then noticed a mole on my back one day which too me looked bigger and abnormal shape which then took over my mind so now thinking have skin cancer. This then takes over my thoughts for days until I start getting really bloated after eating and start googling symptoms which I tell u is never good as u can have all kinds of different illnesses!!! This goes on for days and weeks each time its something different.

After a few months doc referred me to a neurologist who did all the checks and he actually said I had anxiety but had an mri scan for precaution which waiting for results. Anyway been back to docs and referred me for cbt, this was in january and they have aonly just contacted me. I have actually been going privately and as others have said I have seen signs of improvements. Its not something that happens quickly it takes time but I do really think this will help. I have also started reading Dr claire weeks book too which is really good.
My therapsi suggested another book called sumo by paul mckenna she said its really good so I have puschased a copy and will update on what this is like.

Even being on this sight helps, everytime feel anxious I look at the symptoms and why it is happening this makes me feel better.

Private message me anytime u need to talk

Tink xxx

[duskess]

Hello and welcome to NMP Best Wishes Dusky x:welcome:

[simon68]

Hi Rachel

Welcome to the site. Probably nearly all of us here know how you are feeling.
There is lots of great help and advice on here and nice people to chat to.

[kittykat]

Hi there and :welcome: to the site, loads of good advice on here, take care xx

[Southern_Belle]

Just so everyone knows, this post was originally done in 2005.

Thanks,

Laura