Insomnia - Scared

[MandySlade]

It all started about 4 nights ago. I went to bed only to wake up an hour and 1/2 later with thoughts racing through my head. Then came the hot flash and the rapid heartbeat. I got up and sat on the computer awhile. Tried going back to sleep, but woke up 1/2 an hour later. Got up again. Repeat that about 4 more times and that was my night. This has happened before, so I figure "Tomorrow I'll sleep like a rock". Nope. Same exact thing. So, yesterday I was severely exhausted, detached, anxious, etc... but all thinking "ok, two nights of that and I've GOT to sleep well tonight." Well, I laid down to sleep, completely tired, and.... an hour later.... no sleep yet. I decided to take 2 benadryl (diphenhydramine). As soon as they had me feeling pass-out tired (literally falling asleep standing up) I laid back down. Still didn't fall asleep. Felt like I couldn't move my body... but still couldn't sleep. Didn't fall asleep till about 5 hours AFTER taking the medicine, and then I only slept about an hour at a time for maybe 3 hours.

So, today I am -seriously- depressed and anxious ridden. I didn't go to work because I'm exhausted. I went to the grocery store and felt spacey and weirded out the whole time. I'm scared of sleep deprivation. I'm scared I'll be one of those people who never sleeps well again. I'm scared of whatever is wrong with my brain that's causing this to happen. I'm pretty sure it's the anxiety causing it, but it's NEVER been this bad before. I thought for sure it would stop after 1 or 2 nights, but it's been THREE and now I'm having a really hard time reassuring myself.

To make matters worse I'm so stressed out and crappy-feeling that I'm not eating. When I DO eat I feel like I have to choke food down.

I'm worried that this is start of when I "really" go crazy. I actually had thoughts all night about just giving up and driving myself to an institution today. *sigh*

:(

[mummyto4]

Firstly, huge hugs to you. You must be shattered you poor thing
Sometimes, people just cant sleep. I have a few friends on my facebook that post updates constantly about not being able to sleep lately. One of them is only a young girl with 2 very young children and a single mummy, so you would think she would be able to sleep right? I think the worry of not sleeping is affecting your sleeping if that makes sense. The same with the eating really, if you don't eat then you don't want to eat or can't eat. (I have been like this a few times when I have had major fall outs with people) I literally have to force the food down and I feel like I am choking but I do it because I know without eating I will become ill. You sound incredibly shattered at the moment and desperately need to relax your mind and get a bit of sleep. I get the shakes, feel sick, can't concentrate all sorts when Idon't get 8 hours! Try a warm bath, candles maybe, relaxing music but don't worry about it if you can't sleep. It will happen eventually.
Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.
xx

[MandySlade]

^Thanx. I know the worrying about being able to sleep is making it worse. I don't know if it's the cause.. but it's not helping. The problem is I don't know how to stop. I try calming myself, breathing, etc... but as soon as the first "Oh crap, I can't sleep AGAIN" thought kicks in.. it's all downhill.

[Meewah]

Mandy

I went through this and your right, the more you worry about sleep the worse it seems. The problem is your body is on high alert and worrying about sleep is the equivelent of worrying about being attacked by a bear in the middle of the night for your brain.

I found that the following worked.

Dont take sleeping pills.
Have a hot bath 2 hours before retiring to bed.
If you do not fall asleep after 20 mins then get up and read a book. No TV or anything else that stimulates.
Force yourself to stay up until 2am and then get out of bed at 8am everyday for a week.

Forced sleep deprivation will bring your sleep patterns back in to line.

Another thing to try is meditation. The early hours were great times for reading and meditation. Things that I had no chance doing during the busy day.
You will feel detached and spacey during the day but that is only a symptom of lack of sleep.

Oh and one last thing. Do not nap during the day.

I am sure this will help.

All the best

Mee

[Louise21]

Hi,
I'm a poor sleeper at the best of times but the last week has been really bad.
Even with meds I still can't sleep properly, but I'm trying not to get too anxious about it as I know it will only make it worse.
Thinking of you.
x

[MandySlade]

5 days now and still no sleep. over the last 48 hours i have literally slept for 2, and not together. i went to the doctor and he gave me some ambien, but all the bad press has me terrified of taking it. :(

[MandySlade]

still no good sleep. slept maybe 3 hours (30 minutes at a time) total last night. was in bed for 8 hours, tossing/turning/jerking/etc. took benadryl again thinking "maybe it will work this time". nope.

considering giving in and taking the ambiencr tonight... but i'm pretty terrified of it. the doctor gave me 6.25mg tablets.

[PinkEmi]

Hi hun, just hoping you have a restful night, perhaps try sleeping with a talk radio station in the background this is what I do xx

[SocialTool]

When I had my "breakdown" as I call it at the end of last year, I had this for a week. The fear of not sleeping made it worse. It WILL eventually go away and it WILL get better. I do several things if I find that I can't sleep well. First, I get ready for bed 2 hours before I actually want to go to sleep. On the nights that I am terribly tense, I take a warm bath. Regular nights, I settle in with a good book, no TV and low lighting. I make myself some soothing tea or heat up some milk. You will snap out of it. I promise. If you ever need to talk hun just PM me.

[MandySlade]

thanks guys.

I really want to just sleep on my own. Im scared to take the ambien, but my boyfriend and mom (called her earlier) are both saying it's silly not to take it. I keep hearing "then why did you even go to the doctor?".

I keep going back and forth today over "should I take it tonight, or not"? I NEED to sleep. It's been 1 sort of bad night and then 5 terrible nights in a row now. I think I've slept maybe 15 hours in the last 5 days. I feel like crap. I really wish my body and mind would just let me sleep, but I'm scared I'm doing damage to myself by trying to work it out naturally. :(

[SocialTool]

I understand what you are going thru. I am afraid to take any medicine (even if it is given to me by the doc). I only take Effexor XR and Advil. I have this huge aversion to pills. Two reasons really. The first is that I don't like feeling like something else is controlling me and the second is what if I become reliant on the pills forever. Both valid reasons IMHO. Your family means well, but just rely on what YOU want to do. Best of luck hun. :hugs:

[MandySlade]

UPDATE:

I have nowslept like 2 or 3 hours total (and not consecutively) for the last 10 nights. I take that back, there were two nights I slept 4-5 hours because I finally broke down and took the ambien. I went to the doctor Tuesday and that's what he gave me samples of. He also said he could call in a prescription for trazodone if I wanted... or more ambien. Unfortunately by the time I realized I probably want to try the trazadone, it was Friday and the office was closed. So, now I'm screwed till Monday. I have 1 nights worth of ambien left so I will probably take it tonight (since I didn't take it last night.. and didn't sleep) and hope for the best tomorrow night.

I don't understand why my body/mind is doing this to me. I don't want to become dependent on pills, but I don't know wtf to do anymore. I tried cutting out caffeine, I tried tylenol PM, I tried valerian, I tried melatonin, I tried "positive sleep habits". Hell, last night out of pure frustration I even tried smoking weed till I passed out... but no luck. I'm tired as f**k and I still just lay there and lay there. If I do manage to fall asleep I wake up with a jolt in like 30 minutes to an hour, and then I'm up for hours more.

I missed 3 days of work and the 2 that I -did- go I was a basket case. I don't like the way ambien makes me feel the next day, but i'm desperate. I can't even go out and have fun this weekend because I'm so anxious and exhausted.

>_<

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it off my chest.

Adding: the "funny" thing is... right after this insomnia started is when I feel I started to have a "breakthrough" in my health anxiety. I stopped doing a lot of my checking/googling/etc and I really feel like I can "stop" with all of this health worry now....
that is, if I can get past this insomnia. It's funny how now I -do- have a physical problem making me feel like crap every day.


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[MandySlade]

Well, it's been two weeks now. I took the first Ambien about 11 days ago and since have taken it 7 times. I still don't sleep a full night on the Ambien, I'd say I get about 3-4 straight hours and then a couple more hours between waking up... not great, but better than nothing. When I don't take the ambien I literally get 0 minutes to an hour the entire night. I keep trying to sleep on my own here and there hoping it will "finally happen", but it doesn't. I'm finding it difficult to believe my anxiety can been causing it this severe. A few of those nights I didn't take the ambien, I was in a good mood.. wasn't stressed about sleeping..etc.. and then as soon as I hit the bed and started to fall asleep I jolted awake. It literally feels like my body is having a "reaction" to falling asleep and then I'm up the entire night. 2 nights ago I spend 11 hours laying in bed without sleep. I know I should have gotten back up, which is what I HAD been doing.. but I was just so over it and exhausted. I've tried valerian, melatonin, baths, white noise, etc etc... with no results.

I'm really starting to worry that something is going on here physically. Then, I have a reluctancy to believe myself because of my health anxiety. My general doctor (who prescribed me the Ambien) said that he didn't want to run blood tests because it was "unlikely" to be anything other than anxiety/depression. My therapist (just started seeing one last week) said I should have blood tests done.

I don't know what to do anymore at this point. I haven't gone out to have fun since this insomnia mess started 2 weeks ago. I feel exhausted and anxious to the point where I don't want to do anything. I've also missed 4 days of work because of this. *sigh* I'm so frustrated.

[serenity]

Hi Mandy

I really feel for you. I wonder if you are having nocturnal panics with the 'jolt' awake feeling you are experiencing? I will not say too much because unfortunately I have been on Zopiclone for years now...I am addicted but not in the sense that I have to increase the dose and I often cut the tablet in half and have a half. I would not suggest you use these meds long term however as you get into the loop that I am in. I know I use them more as an anti anxiety aid due to the nocturnal panic however.

I wonder if you have tried meditation at all? I don't mean sit up in lotus position meditation I mean lay in bed and focus on a mantra and redirect your thoughts back to the word over and over when they wander....I do this when I am VERY anxious and though it can take a long time it does work for me...maybe ask your therapist to make you a relaxation CD that you can focus on and listen to also to help you? My therapist did that and it has helped me tremendously in times of need...

I sincerely hope things get better for you soon.

Amanda

[phil06]

Is Insomnia dangerous?

I had no sleep atall last night I mean none and I feel like a boat, all weak, faint, tired, breathing is all funny, worried about going out. What's best to do? Will I be ok?