Can't Face Going Back To Work

[doorbell]

Sitting here when I should be sitting outside in the sun-that makes me feel guilty. Been off work now for 5 weeks with work related stress because of bullying, grievance put in full investigation done etc and not upheld. Anyway this stress has led to a deep depression. I do know that I can't face going back to work for a variety of reasons. Firstly I think a lot of the people in the office will think I've over reacted, some people have let me down on the investigation and I feel resentful towards them and I still have to face the people I put the grievance in against.
I used to quite a confident person but now I doubt wheter I am actually a nice person at all. My relationship with my husband is breaking down because I lack any motivation to do anything I have said I want to leave work but he thinks I should go back now with my held high and not let the b..s get to me. I am no longer that strong willed person any more and think that if I get the weight of this job off my shoulders I will have feel better. of course the problem then will become finding another job. the industry I've been in for over 20 years is not something I would go back into, I've had enough. Of course money is a big factor, I earn more than my husband and although we could just scrape by on his wages (we have some savings as well, but not a lot) that too makes me feel worse. Oh God I don't know which way to turn.........:unsure:

[alba]

hi i am going thru what u r going thru now, i can understand how u feel badly, i've been there, it's so so painful experiene, like me, i don't wish to go back to work, soon i fall in depression, getting sick everyday, i thought of stop working really stop, i can't face another minute, hour there, yeah my husband also confuse to see me, i get so angry , stress , giddy, dizzy, light headed each time i think of that bully and workplace, the moment i step in the office, i feel so light headed , dizzy, i can't even stand still, it affect my hormone my menses and all my body is haywire, so i understand how u feel, it is until i read books "heal your life" by louise Hay if I am not wrong, (name i can't remmeber) i felt bette,r i am now testing myself if i can make it till next year, i give myself 1 more year to try practice on how to overcome it becos i can't afford to stop working cos of money matter, so i am now trying to see how long i can try to be patience and test myself. i am also feel so stressful before, thinking if i stop working now how r we going to get money, what if we used up all th emoney. so i know i hv to give this a try for the sake of my family at least i try to hold on for 1 more year, before i give it up. i know it's is so so painful. i am suffering till now, but i try to change my mindset.i am not sure if i will succeed or not, i think it is all in my.

[pinksorrell]

I am in a similar situation right now, Doorbell. I am currently signed off sick and coming near the end of the 2 week sick note. I am getting anxious about returning next week and trying to come to a decision about returning to the doctor for another sick note or hoping for a miracle and going back to my job. The miracle would be that I will feel strong again or be able to cut off enough to 'perform' at work and go through the motions.

I have been looking into all sorts of possibilities to bring in an income - I am sole supporter for my 3 children - but it is hard to concentrate and keep momentum going at the moment. I am also considering looking for a less taxing job/ going on ESA/DLA. Nothing is coming up as a solution.

It has been difficult for me over the years to get this far with a permanent job and part of me is fearful of losing that and starting all over again plus judgment of others esp family and my own sense of desparation that this depressive tendency has dictated my life so far. I am just coming to that realization.

Just a few days left to make a decision and feeling anxiety from it.
Thanks for reading. It helps to write this and get some clarity though things get muddled again pretty quickly at the moment.

[doorbell]

Pink Sorrell I hope you can find the strength to return to work. How long have you been off? Do you think the longer you're off the harder it is to go back? I think that people think that I've been having a a marvellous time, sitting out in the sun etc. In the last 5 weeks I think I've been out about 5 or 6 times. 3 times to GP, once to see aEmplyment solicitor and a couple of essential visits to local supermarket. How are the people you work with? Do you think they understand? Even if there is one person there that does that will help. Let me know what you decide. I've decided that I won't be going back but I haven't done anything about it yet. Nedd to get my husband on my side first & can't see how I'm going to manage it at the moment.

[nomorepanic]

I am going back to work next week after 9 months off! Not through panic and anxiety but illness and I have to say that I do not want to go back at all.

However - since I have been off I have lost my purpose in life and the routine and I can easily see how people stop work and never go back again - it is the easy route to take.

I have to go back mainly because of the money but also because I can see that being at home all day is doing me no good at all.

You have no reason to get up, get showered and looking good. You don't have a sense of time or even the day of the week and life passes you by.

Unless you give up work and find something constructive to fill the time then you sink further down and into depression even more. I don't sleep at night, I am restless and every day is the same.

Just a warning that giving up work is not good unless you are disciplined enough to fill the days with productive things and go out every day and make an effort.

My thoughts anyway.

[doorbell]

Thank you Nicola

I know what you're saying but the problem is the office itself. I feel that although it will be difficult to get another job a great weight will be lifted from my shoulders. I will probably do some voluntary work to help me recover from this whole episode, but at the moment I just can't move on.

[nomorepanic]

I am going back to face some negative comments too. I know that one guy is not happy I have been off so long and keeps making sarcastic comments but I am going to rise above it.

I don't like my job but until I get a new one this will have to do.

[pinksorrell]

It's good to hear what you both have to say. Yes, people at my work will be understanding - I would expect so. My problem is that I have ben battling with self-esteem and confidence nearly every day since I've been there. A few years ago I couldn't have done the job at all due to social anxiety and lack of self-belief. I feel that I have been challenging myself and pushing too hard so now I have retracted back into my shell. The pressure is around me not feeling up to it - not being able to do the job and dealing with lots of people on a daily basis. Many of the people I deal with have mental health issues of their own and it is really hard right now to work on the idea of 'change' when I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of change. It certainly isn't easy.

I have a history of leaving work due to cycles of depression and starting over again when things improve. I know this job is not right for me at the moment but must go back until something else turns up - and I have been looking on a desperate daily basis.

I know what you mean about the longer you are off work the harder it is to return.I have been off 2 weeks sick and the previous week on leave. I have not missed it one bit!

I have set myself some small targets for each day - like washing/ironing, tidying up although seem to be in the groove of watching Jeremy Kyle, Trisha and Judge Judy. I have also been making sure that I cook dinner each night. It doesn't sound much but it takes a long time to do those things and there is some satisfaction in it. I could drop the daytime tv though - it rots the soul!

My routine regarding going out is similar to Doorbell's. Just the essential trips -supermarket and that. I have to take my kids places on nearly a daily basis - Mum's taxi! I have to keep it very small as if things get out of control for me I start to panic.

I'n sure I won't feel like this forever. I'm taking it as a sign to change things. But until I can make a decision what I want or what direction I can go in, I think I will have to return next week. There is no magic wand and it's hard to think that only I can make the decision. I feel like I want someone else to tell me what to do.

So well done to both of you for making your decisions. That can be hard when you are suffering like that.

Regards

[doorbell]

Morning Pinksorrell

It is good to hear that you have made the decision to go back to work. Sometimes half the battle is coming to a decision. I think I've reached mine and that will be to resign. I have written my resignation letter this morning but it will sit here until Saturday, that is my deadline whether to post or not. I'm sure that once I've posted it a weight will be lifted and I can start on the road to recovery.
Let me know how you get on when you go back. GOOD LUCK!!:yesyes:

[nomorepanic]

Morning again.

Well done Pink - it is a hard thing to do and we are all behind you.

Door - good decision and once you have decided you wil feel better. I guess the only problem is that if you resign you don't get any benefits do you?

[lotte_82]

I have been off work since the end of February and I am no where near ready for going back, I was originally signed off with anxiety and then severe depression. At first my husband was not at all understanding, he thought i was lazy and did nothing all day (he was right, I stayed in bed from morning til night showering infrequently (less than once a week) and just dead emotionally.....for me things came to a head at the end of may and i was admitted to hospital AND it was only then that my husband realised how ill i was and how he was very close to losing me (suicide was my only way out)

Dont get me wrong, I am still very ill, and still have suicidal thoughts daily with a very deep depression, what I am trying to say is I am lucky now, my husband realises how ill i am and has not pressurised me into returning to work.....to be honest being so ill has made me decide to re evaluate life (eventually, when my brain can function at some degree) and right now I am continuing to stay on the sick, (my employers pay me a full wage for 26 weeks, then I get SSP for another 2 weeks...then what I dont know)

One thing I do know that for me personally my health is more important than my wealth....and I cant afford to take any risks in returning to that stressful enviroment.

Hope my rambles are of some help??!!

xx

[doorbell]

Thank you Lotte for your support. Hope you feel better as quickly as possible and glad your husband has become so supportive, unfortunately mine seems to be going the opposite way. Sometimes one problem seems near to resolution and then another takes its place!

[Keeway]

I was signed off work at the end of last July with anxiety and depression and although it wasn't all work related, a big part of it was. My bosses insisted on having meetings with me and kept pushing me for a date to go back, despite my doctor saying that I should not be working to a date as that would put more pressure on me. Their last meeting before Christmas was late last November, and I felt I was being bullied in my own house, and I was told they were working to a date of January 5th for my return (this was based on my doctor's letter to them saying that I may be able to return to work within 5 ot 8 weeks - they went striaght for the 5 weeks from the date of his letter). Things got so bad that I took more to alcohol and ended up in hospital where I almost died due to liver & kidney faillure) Work left me alone then, when they could see that I was ill. I've been signed off work ever since, and they have now made my job redundant. I wanted to resign last year, but am so glad I didn't, because they're now paying me to leave, so to speak. It's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and things are looking better. I too was scared about the money side - my husband earned less than me. My company only paid me for 2 weeks fulll pay and then 8 weeks half pay and then SSP, which finished in February. The next step is ESA (Employers Support Allowance). That's been a bit of a nightmare but I'm now appealing against their decision with the backing of my MP and doctor. If anyone wants to know more about the benefits system specifically ESA, please pm me - I know of a really good website where you can get help.

Good luck to all of you having a battle with work. I definitely know what you're going through. But as Lotte said health is far more important than wealth. I'm still fighting depression and anxiety and I haven't been out of the house alone for almost a year, but with the weight of work gone, I now have time to concentrate on getting better. I've been really lucky that my husband has supported me from the beginning. He wanted me to give up work straight away, but I was determined that I would not give them the satisfaction of handing my notice in, and I'm glad I didn't.

A bit of a waffle sorry:blush:

Teresa

[skyblue]

Hi All

iv just read your posts on work and want to say i sympathise with you all,work can cause so much stress and unsettlemenet and can upset our lives,and when you try to explain this to any one they thingk you are strange.

i have been struggling since jan with my attendance,i seem to manage 2 weeks then off again for 4/5 weeks,then i go back,then off again,.

and when i do return im never asked are you ok,feeling better,which make me think up yours,why do i sit at home feeling guilty for letting you down,when basically you dont give a s..t.

we are more important,but we put ourselves through this because,we think going to work is a positive thing(which it is)and to keep socializing.

when im at work i cant wait to go home,feel panicy,anxious,cant be botherd to talk about trivial things or make small talk,(god i sound horrible):wacko:

i think we need to listen to ourselves more and be guided by that

i really want to phone them and say poke it,but like many of you,we need the money,so more pressure,and i feel like im letting my husband and family down.

so feel lke i cant win:huh:

good luck to all you workies

love skyxx:flowers: