te34resa
07-09-05, 18:04
Hello everyone, I'm just hoping someone replies even if just with a friendly word as I feel so all alone with this. Part of my (many) problems is that I'm physically ill a lot which I should be able to cope with-everyone else seems to,right?- but I can't because anxiety and panic and fear makes everything seem so unbearable. I have irritable bowel and currently suffering bad migraine and sinus attacks. I can't seem to be like other people and have bad days and then move on, I take every burden with me. My husband doesn't get it either, he just says well if you're ill somewhere then so what? But I'm such a control freak and don't know how to live with all the "what ifs?" What if I'm out and can't get home when I get a migraine? I'm also emetophibic which doesn't help matters. To give an example, I've recently started drama to give me more confidence which I'm loving- can't believe it, I always give things up after a few times. Last night I got a terrible headache while there but somehow manged to last through the evening. By the time I got home I was shaking, couldn't breathe and was sick. My body's always gone into overdrive when I'm sick even when I was little. Now it knows the pattern a migraine takes and I get the full works. I'm so scared of losing it completely in front of others- the full-blown heavy breathing shaking and crying routine. I'm trying so hard to just lead a normal life. Now I know I'll worry about going back in case it happens again. I also have a works training day that involved travelling with others and being out the whole day that scares me. I'm so tired of what if's. The only person I know like this is my mum and it's made her life miserable and gets my dad down and angry. I don't want that for me. I want guarantees that when I have a busy day I won't be in the toilet or coping with a pounding head but of course no-one can give that so I live in fear. Does one single person out there know what I mean and how do you cope? How do I cope? I'm so sick of giving things up I enjoy because eventually people will see I'm not "normal". Teresa