Need to man-up and get TESTED to ease my fears, anyone have any lending words?

[NyGirl]

After seemily forever well (5 yrs) since my last HIV test, I neeeeed to go and get another one. Im terrifedddd beyond words to go and even more terrifed of results. I will admit Im not perfect. I have had a few sexual partners (3 unproteced) after the first two, I had an test when I found out I was pregant. negitive. Since I had unprotected sex with a boyfirend I was with for 2 yrs and other the condom fell off and was left inside, although no semen was in the condom. I drive myself nuts assuming I have al lthese symtoms when in reality I dont. I need to just go and get it over with and knowww that if I do have it, I had it walking threw the door, so its no different. I need to face reality but its something very hard for me to do.
I want to go something this week, to do a rapid test, knowing I cant wait a week in agony. I have never used drugs, do not engage in anal sex (never) and like I said had 3 unproteced partners. Can anyone give me the words of strenghth to help me threw this? I would reallllly appreciate it and if anyone has ever been threw this I would love to hear ur story. I reead a few forums on here and I noticed everyone gets tested I cant seem to find a story of someone who is struggling to make it to the testing center like myself. Any stories, prior "risky behavior' would be helpful. Im new to website and already loving the support Im getting. Thanks again.

[Stressed32]

Hi NYGirl,
I think no one here can tell you if to take the test or not. If you feel it will ease your mind, do it. It is a personal choice. However, I will say again to you that HIV is not easily transmitted in sex. I really do not think you need to worry about getting it from either of those guys! I know we hear stories about people getting it from just one time, and I am not saying that can't or can happen, I am just saying......

1. how do you know they are telling the truth and are not engaging in risky behaviors

and

2. your chances of getting hit by lighting are higher!

I mean I hear MORE stories about being being risky and NOT getting it then I do of people getting it. Think of prostitutes and porno workers!

There have been studies and HIV does not live as readily or as strongly in sperm as it does in blood. That means that even if your boyfriend or guy had it, there is no guarantee it was in his sperm because for most guys, it is not...For most guys, HIV can not be found in sperm. That is if either of them even had it....and it is MUCH HARDER for a guy to get it by having sex with a woman...so the chances of either of them having it are slim to none unless they were injecting drugs or had a boyfriend on the side that you did not know about.

If the test makes you feel better....go ASAP....but before you do, make sure this will make you feel better.

Good luck!

[NyGirl]

i love ur insight. thanks nickie.

[lauren6]

Hi NYgirl from another NY girl :-) I had the rapid test but I believe they discontinued it because of a number of false positives. Mine was negative and there was nothing about that so I am assured that it was really negative.

I don't know if you're in the city or outside but in the city there are anonymous sites, dep't of health. That's where I went. I hated the waiting and prior to the rapid test, I had to wait 2 weeks. Going back took more strength than the actual test. I was sure it was going to be positive and felt like I was walking to the electric chair. Everyone is nervous, really, everyone in the waiting room was freaking out from anxiety.

However, the relief afterwards was so uplifting. I swore from then on that I would live my life freely, be extremely careful with men from then on so I never, ever have to go through this anxiety again. Personally, I'd rather go through this waiting anxiety than have it ever-present in the back of my mind because the mini freakout sessions we have are terrible. I would get in a mood and obsess. Also, if you do have HIV, you can get treatment. I have friends who are HIV positive now for over 20 years and are fine. I hughly doubt that this will be your case but get it over with. I like the way you said, man up...this has been said to me many times, just do it, get the courage.

Keep me posted!