My missus has had enough

[samtheman]

We had a major fallout this evening all over my anxiety/social anxiety. She just thinks I am being very rude and odd, I tried to explain and I get "Well if you would stop sitting on the internet research or reading them silly old books, pull yourself together" Not good really is it, I have tried to explain to her about anxiety but she just does not want to hear, then wonders why I never want to go anywhere. HELP!! I dont really know what to do, I do make efforts to go places but its never enough for her, Its basically all down to me not making an effort with her family, Its not her family, I don't get on with mine either, and they don't make an effort with me either But its always me in the wrong.

[Blot]

hi samtheman, i am sorry that you are feeling alone & misunderstood. it is very difficult for our partners to understand this disorder & the impact it has on our everyday lives. i find it hard to express my anxieties & fears. when i find something meaningful about anxiety & panic, i try to share it with my partner. this condition is all consuming & demanding of our time,physical & emotional energy. well done that you do get out as it is so important not to isolate yourself. just know that you are not alone in this .

[samtheman]

hi samtheman, i am sorry that you are feeling alone & misunderstood. it is very difficult for our partners to understand this disorder & the impact it has on our everyday lives. i find it hard to express my anxieties & fears. when i find something meaningful about anxiety & panic, i try to share it with my partner. this condition is all consuming & demanding of our time,physical & emotional energy. well done that you do get out as it is so important not to isolate yourself. just know that you are not alone in this .
Hmmm I don't know, With anxiety also comes a temper. I through the car keys at her and said "Come back when you have sorted yourself out" First time I have ever done that.

Problem is even though society in general has come along way in accepting mental disorders, there are still quite a few with the attitude of either "freak" or "Pull yourself together"

[Blot]

I know about the temper problem.Hmmmmm, not great at all. I have times where my temper flares for almost nothing & afterwards I feel like a total s%£&. I apologise & try to explain my feelings but it is not easy for our loved ones to undertsnad esp when they take the brunt of our fears.

I agree with your comment about society not quite understanding this disorder. I have even had my GP ask me if I have ever thought of self harming. my initial knee-jerk reaction was to say " are you stupid, I am anxious, I have health anxiety,I get panic attacks, I am NOT suicidal". I controlled my response to a "gosh,no". I have not been comfortable with the support from the medical fraternity.my concern is if health care professionals have such poor understanding of this condition, how will "joe soap" be able to accept & support us?

[bottleblond]

Sam

Perhaps you could ask her to join NMP and talk to other sufferers so she knows that it is not a case of you being rude.
It must be so hard on partners too.
She's not being horrible hun, it's just a lack of knowledge and understanding and that would be the case with any illness if the partner was not involved.

Big hugs
Lisa
xxx

[miss_moose]

Reading your post is just like reading about the arguments me and my partner have had about my agoraphobia and social phobia, especially the family part.
I've had the whole "just get over it" thing too which makes me want to chuck him through the window!
It's so difficult for us, but you have to remember (and im sure you do) that its really difficult for our other halves too. It gets boring for them because we can go out or be with people, its a two way thing really apart from its worse for us obviously because we are suffering so much physically and mentally.

One thing that i did after another massive row, I wrote down every single physical symptom a panic attack and anxity makes me have (even if its not all at the same time). Write a list on a piece of paper with nausea, chest pain, dizzyness, hyperventilating ect (even if you have to exhadurate) and then show her the list.
Explain that everytime you have to go out or see family you get every single one of those symptoms and usually when someone feels ill they go to bed, the last thing they want to do is go out and see people because they feel so rough but you HAVE to feel so ill and do these things which is why you struggle.
If you can try and refer to a situation where she has been ill and how she would cope with being with family or going out at that time.

[samtheman]

Reading your post is just like reading about the arguments me and my partner have had about my agoraphobia and social phobia, especially the family part.
I've had the whole "just get over it" thing too which makes me want to chuck him through the window!
It's so difficult for us, but you have to remember (and im sure you do) that its really difficult for our other halves too. It gets boring for them because we can go out or be with people, its a two way thing really apart from its worse for us obviously because we are suffering so much physically and mentally.

One thing that i did after another massive row, I wrote down every single physical symptom a panic attack and anxity makes me have (even if its not all at the same time). Write a list on a piece of paper with nausea, chest pain, dizzyness, hyperventilating ect (even if you have to exhadurate) and then show her the list.
Explain that everytime you have to go out or see family you get every single one of those symptoms and usually when someone feels ill they go to bed, the last thing they want to do is go out and see people because they feel so rough but you HAVE to feel so ill and do these things which is why you struggle.
If you can try and refer to a situation where she has been ill and how she would cope with being with family or going out at that time.


Oh. Your on the same road as me, I'm in the process of writing a book on the subject, something I never thought I would do but have done just through pure frustration over the past 6 months, I told my mother who is actually a medical professional and got a similar response, of course its a different story when its in your family:winks: whether I have the balls to send it to a publisher is a different story and I still have a bit to go, but I think it will be an interesting read for the less clued up.