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Kerrigan
28-06-09, 19:10
I'm not really sure what I have I just know that it's v.crippling, I swallow alot because the urge gets overwhelming and if I try suppress the urge it just hounds me and tenses up my throat which sometimes results in me choking.

The closest I can get to explaining the feeling is like everywhere is ocean and when I go out I'm swimming and I hold my breath but I have to come up for air (swallow) and there is no way I can remain under water without that 'oxygen'. This makes everything I do seem futile and I feel like I can't enjoy anything because it's a laboured success for me to just do the simplest things in public.

In the past I was a misogynist. I used to wonder what on earth women saw in men, to me all men were like the booed, sulking defensive guests on Jerry Springer and talking to them in the main was like talking to children. I realise now I have a very specific 'type' which is the police, partly because of the type of person I am and partly the fact they are the only type of men I respect.

Well one of them likes me, I hope to God he doesn't see this post, I doubt he would but he's gone out of his way for me and seems to know where I am in town everytime I'm there, he's also been outside my work. I'm sure his vigilance has also spotted my problem, but even if I wanted to be with him I don't think I could, I don't think kissing would be easy-Any advice?