the8th
09-09-05, 02:27
Well.. hello. I've just joined the forum. I'm from Canada, and am 23 (turn 24 in a couple months, yikes).
I've been suffering from anxiety disorders for about 4-5 years now. I recall being a shy & withdrawn child most of my young life, but it only started showing up as depression & social anxiety when I was about 13. Ten years later, symptoms intensified and I have been diagnosed with Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, Dysthymic Depression, and some symptoms of OCD. I am not sure which of these is true, but I do know that I find doing almost anything on my own extremely difficult, which brings us to why I've joined.
I've had 2 terrible anxiety experiences. I'm not sure what to call them, but basically it was a period of about 2 months each time where I could do nothing but worry, have panic attacks, cry, and worry some more. Most of that time I also did not leave my house at all and was constantly distressed. In between both of those episodes or whatever they were, I'm still pretty messy, because I cannot leave my house by myself without letting myself become overwhelmed with anxiety. I have managed to do things a few times without a panic attack, but for all those times & the few times I did panic, it seems my mind convinced me I would keep on having panic attacks in those situations even if they didn't happen as often.
My current struggle is going to school. I've enrolled in a 2 year college program as a Library Technician (I guess that's one down from a Librarian). I went my first week of school, afraid & anxious but I did it. I held on tight to my cell phone and my bottle of water, made sure I had a book to read on my spare hours, and when I could tagged along with a couple class mates for a cig or whatever else. I deserve a pat on the back for that, right? Except the last two days I didn't manage to enter the building. I froze, got dizzy spells, nauseous, difficulty drawing in a full breath, and totally convinced myself if I went in there I would not be safe.
I am on some medication, 20 mg Paxil (apoparoxetine) & have been for years and years. Unfortunately I've a stupid habit of forgetting when to take it, and often miss doses so that when I start taking it regularly again I get the beginning side effects all over again (depersonalisation being one of the more dreaded ones).
I am thinking of starting up on some sedatives.. maybe just for emergencies, or just to take them with me so I feel like I am armed with something.
Anyway, that's my introduction.
I'm a big music lover, enjoy writing poetry, a big reader, and um.. geeky things too such as comic books, board games, puzzle games, some RPGS, and ahh... a hippy at heart. I think that's pretty much it. *ducks away*
I've been suffering from anxiety disorders for about 4-5 years now. I recall being a shy & withdrawn child most of my young life, but it only started showing up as depression & social anxiety when I was about 13. Ten years later, symptoms intensified and I have been diagnosed with Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, Dysthymic Depression, and some symptoms of OCD. I am not sure which of these is true, but I do know that I find doing almost anything on my own extremely difficult, which brings us to why I've joined.
I've had 2 terrible anxiety experiences. I'm not sure what to call them, but basically it was a period of about 2 months each time where I could do nothing but worry, have panic attacks, cry, and worry some more. Most of that time I also did not leave my house at all and was constantly distressed. In between both of those episodes or whatever they were, I'm still pretty messy, because I cannot leave my house by myself without letting myself become overwhelmed with anxiety. I have managed to do things a few times without a panic attack, but for all those times & the few times I did panic, it seems my mind convinced me I would keep on having panic attacks in those situations even if they didn't happen as often.
My current struggle is going to school. I've enrolled in a 2 year college program as a Library Technician (I guess that's one down from a Librarian). I went my first week of school, afraid & anxious but I did it. I held on tight to my cell phone and my bottle of water, made sure I had a book to read on my spare hours, and when I could tagged along with a couple class mates for a cig or whatever else. I deserve a pat on the back for that, right? Except the last two days I didn't manage to enter the building. I froze, got dizzy spells, nauseous, difficulty drawing in a full breath, and totally convinced myself if I went in there I would not be safe.
I am on some medication, 20 mg Paxil (apoparoxetine) & have been for years and years. Unfortunately I've a stupid habit of forgetting when to take it, and often miss doses so that when I start taking it regularly again I get the beginning side effects all over again (depersonalisation being one of the more dreaded ones).
I am thinking of starting up on some sedatives.. maybe just for emergencies, or just to take them with me so I feel like I am armed with something.
Anyway, that's my introduction.
I'm a big music lover, enjoy writing poetry, a big reader, and um.. geeky things too such as comic books, board games, puzzle games, some RPGS, and ahh... a hippy at heart. I think that's pretty much it. *ducks away*