View Full Version : Derealization

30-06-09, 04:31
So im about three months into my battle with derealization and according to my journal, im doing better. Its been such a slow process, that you really dont notice the progress until its pointed out to you. Im on 20mg of Lexapro and only taking a quarter of a mg of the Klonopin as needed.
This is my second go around at this. Ive always had anxiety, panic and derealization problems for as far back as I can remember. In fact, it was always the derealization that led to my first panic attacks. And of course at 13 and no insurance, not only did no one have any idea what was wrong with me, i couldnt have afforded the treatment anyway. I've only had two serious episodes. Mostly the weekly stuff would affect me like Walmart or the mall. Anything with too much noise and too many people would push me over the edge, but once out of the situation, Id go back to normal and the derealization would pass. Sometimes, after a move or something that caused alot of anxiety in me, I would get the derealization for a week or two. Sometimes I didnt feel like I could get off the couch the entire time, but it usually lifted in a week or two. Then, about ten years ago, it was bad. Lasted months and months and months. It was terrible. I didnt shower for well over a month and could barely stand to even get up and go to the bathroom. My weight dwindled down under a hundred pounds (im 6ft) and i just knew i had gone insane and it was never going to end. I lost count of how many panic attacks went along with it. I slept and lived on this recliner over at a buddy's house. In his room. He was disabled and had a thing for me, so he was always around and very encouraging. I finally got into a free clinic and got lucky lucky lucky with the therapist, because not only did he know a name for what was wrong with me but he had treated it before. So with medication and therapy, I came back to reality and started over again. I think it took 6 months to a year.

30-06-09, 05:19
wow. Didnt mea to go on like this. Anyway, ten years later and youd think id know better. I started dating an alcoholic, which was a daily battle that just added more and more stress. I started having worsebing rage issues. Had trouble breathing and tingling/numbess on my feet. All signs of anxiety. Of course I didnt beleive i didnt stress. My hypocondriact <sp?> side kicked in and i had chect xrays, blood work and a whole barrage if tests done to rule out cancer and a number of other problems. My GP told me it was anxiety. I said, fine, sure and brushed it off. Then about five months ago, my alcoholic g/f tried to kill herself on my couch. And told me at the hospital that she wouldnt stop trying until she was dead. I pretty much shut down after that. I went out drinking with an army buddy and the next morning, "Hello Derealization". Which was followed by a healthy dose of panic attacks. Fortunatly, I have insurance now and about three months later im doing so much better. It wasnt until last month that i stopped seeking reasurrance and beleived it was going to pass. again. Its true though, derealization is a Normal response to stress and anxiety overload. like my subconsious said, well you obviously dont know what youre doing so Im taking over. As my stress and anxiety comes under control the derealization lessens. I meditate weekly and when a panic attack comes on I remeber the meditation and force my body to relax and control my breathing and (its true) the relaxation response comes on and the panic attack goes away. (and a little klonopin doesnt hurt...) but meditation, working out and cognative behavioral therapy really works. You learn to react differently to the inappropriate responses and it really has helped me.
Anyway, just wanted to update anyone that needs the encouragement. It is temporary and there is hope. And thats Srs business.
Ill take any advice you have on loving an alcoholic. If anyone has been there.
Thx! Luvs! later.