View Full Version : How much bad news can you take?
Life was getting so much better. I was finally finding some direction, but right at this moment I just can’t cope.
I was having a good summer until last month when I went to groom for Carolyn at the National Champs – we had a good morning then her mum and a strange man appeared, and told us that her husband had been killed in a motorbike accident. Her daughter was there with us too, and it was really really horrible. I felt so bad for them, and even worse because selfishly I was thinking about myself, as six years earlier I had a phone call to say that my dad was on his way to hospital and had 24 hours to live.
I’ve done my best to be a good friend, and been there for the family, and worked most Sundays helping sort out the business, and started to get my head around it.
Then today I have found out that one of my closest friends, and one who is the same age as me has got cancer. She has to have an operation, her thyroid gland removed along with the lump, and undergo radiotherapy, which will involve at least three isolation sessions, where she is in a room on her own, and we can only speak on the phone, and then further medication when she is home. She will have treatment, be released for three weeks, then go back again to start all over again.
I thought I was handling it, but tonight I just can’t stop crying. It’s made me realise how alone I am. I just want somebody to hug me. I know she will probably be ok, but everybody who I have had contact with has died of cancer who has had it.
She can’t see her children at all whilst this is going on, as contact with her could potentially induce lukemia in the kids. I wish it had happened to me, I’m on my own, and haven’t got any kids, so it wouldn’t make any difference to me.
I can’t think who to ring, I just want to talk to somebody, but it’s Friday night, and everybody goes out. My mum is away and I can’t get in touch with my sister. I can’t go and see R or N as they will have the kids with them, and it’s very important that the kids don’t know how serious this could all be, we have told them that mummy is ill and she needs some strong medicine to help her to recover.
I feel so alone, and just hope that the depression that I have been fighting doesn’t come back. I can’t afford to be ill and ruin everything I’ve worked for. I’ve not felt this bad for ages. Things were going so well. I don’t really want a response, but it sort of makes it better to write it down and share it with anybody who may be the forum.
Thanks for listening
Charlie
Nemesis - I JFDI'd IT!!!!!!
Hi Charlie
So sorry to hear this news. You have been doing very well and still are. It is no wonder this latest news has hit you hard and it is natural to feel upset - anyone would, and coming so soon after the other bereavement.
You have been strong for your friend, even though it bought back such painful memories of your own and I think you can be very proud of the way you have handled it.
The shock of finding out your friend is so ill is bound to knock you back. You have tremendous strength though and have come too far to let yourself be overwhelmed by depression now.
It is so very hard being alone at times like this. I wish I was better at talking on the phone because I'd talk to you but even though I can't do that, I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you at this very difficult time.
The medical treatment these days is very good and many people do recover from cancer, even though this hasn't been your experience.
Take care of yourself and remember we are all thinking of you and are here for you whenever you need us.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Charlie,
I am really sorry to hear what your having to deal with right now. Just remember that we are all hear for you and you never need to deal with anything on your own.
When you feel things getting a bit much just come on here and vent or go into chat.
Your not alone hun.
Take Carexx
Claire
"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"
nomorepanic
09-09-05, 19:49
Charlie
I sent you a text - want me to call?
Nicola
"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"
Charlie,
This is such horrible news and of course it is incredibly hard for you to take it in and cope with it.
Even worse when you say that everyone you have known to have cancer has died. BUT, this doesn't mean that your friend will die.
Of course you are feeling bad right now but it doesn't mean that the depression will return. Although you want to be there for your friend and her family, you must also only do as much as you feel up to.
This is a terrible time for your friend and all family and friends. But, once the shock of the diagnosis has sunk in, you will find that it will get a little easier to cope with.
Just remember, Charlie, look after yourself as well as you will no doubt be looking after your friend and her family.
Love Kate xxx
Hi Charlie,
sorry to hear about your friend, i cant begin to imagine how you feel, im sure you will be in shock now, i know there is nothing i can say that will make you feel any better at the moment, but where there's a will there's a way, she may respond very well to treatment,
cant give you a hug but can send one
((((((((((((big hug)))))))))))))
im so sorry you feel so bad and alone, i think you have shown enormous strength so far and im sure you will cope with this and be a tower of strength for your friend and her family
take care
kairen x
Thanks Karen
Don't worry I quite understand. I just can't turn the tap off. My nose is chapped from blowing it, my eyes are puffy, and I don't feel like I will ever stop crying. I know I will but it's just what I'm feeling at the minute. An excellent friend has invivited me round for hug and sympathy, so I'm going to get in the shower and get in the car. Good job I didn't have more than one glass of wine.
thank you so much Claire for replying - you've got your own stuff to deal with as it is.
Thanks once again guys.
Love Charlie
Charlie
Nemesis - I JFDI'd IT!!!!!!
Charlie,
so sorry to hear what you are having to go through.
You have got through the worst of your own woes, so in time I'm sure you will bounce back to normal.
At times like this, we always look for friends to speak to, but sometimes they are not there.
Remember the Samaritans are always there for you if you just want to vent your feelings at times like this.
Crying is good remember.
Be Strong...and a big cyberhug
Ray
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
Hi again Charlie
Don't you be worrying about my problems they are nothing compared to what your going through hun, but thanx for the concern :).
As for your crying sometimes thats a good thing. A good cry might help you feel a wee bit better. The sore nose thing I get that all the time, I put a bit of vasaline on it and that helps a bit.
((((((((((HUG)))))))))) there is a big hug sent from me too.
You go and have a good vent with this friend of yours and a good cry get it all out your system hun. Please keep posted on how your getting on.
Take Carexx
Claire
"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"
Hi Charlie,
I agree with Claire, the crying is a good release and a very normal reaction under the circumstances.
Glad you are off out to your friends - can't imagine for a minute that you would be short of a friend to give you a hug.
To have a good friend, you need to be a good friend and on that basis you are entitled to millions of em.
Big hug hun.
Love Pig xxx
Charlie - just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. All the best
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Hi Charlie
Glad your friend invited you round and I'm sure the hug and a chat is just what you need right now.
I expect you've been holding all the emotion in, firstly about the death that was in similar circumstances to your Dad and then this news hit you and it is not surprising that the floodgates opened. It will do you good to let this all out and though you feel you can't stop crying at present, you will stop and you will be able to come through this.
I personally think you are a very strong person and have done so extremely well to come through all that you have so far. You won't let yourself get sucked back into full depression again.
Just remember that although you want to be there for both your friends to help and support them through these difficult times, you also need to do what is right for you, to look after yourself and to have people you can turn to for help and support.
Thinking of you and I hope you are feeling calmer and sleeping well tonight.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi guys, thanks so so much for all being there.
I looked in my phone last night and despite having around 200 names there (I'm sure I don't know who some of them are) there were only about 6 people I actually wanted to be with. I go a bit funny when I'm off on one, and often find it easier to struggle on my own than be with the "wrong" people. And all the right people were not here.
Luckily Meg came to the rescue, and I gate crashed her friends house where she was having supper, had a glass of wine, cuddled the most adorable dog (choc lab cross with jack russell) and saw some holiday photos that were actually INTERESTING.
Felt loads loads loads better, stopped crying and actually slept last night.
My sister (one of the six) text me at 8 and woke me up after she got last nights messages (why is our signal so **** when we live on top of a ****** big hill) anyway I got up and talked to her.
I've got to go to Nics this morning and pick my side saddle up, as if this rain ever stops I shall be teaching this afternoon. I can't decide what to tell her. My eyes are so puffy, only a blind person would be not know straight away that I had been crying. As my mum is away there is only half a carrot, four Yakult and a carton of apple juice in the fridge. None of these seem to be having the same effect as cucumber.
Thanks all of you for helping me get through last night. I feel a whole lot better now.
Lots of love
Charlie
Proud to be a Member of NMP - The Sixth Emergency Service
Charlie
Nemesis - I JFDI'd IT!!!!!!
Tea bags Charlie..
We had a good night in the end and between you I will learn about horses and tackle.
Glad you came back home with me and spent some time too. Gary is always happy to see you.
He says he never knows who to expect when he comes home late but you were a nice surprise..
Off to do my round of cat feeding now..
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi Charlie
Glad to know you weren't on your own last night and I'm so glad Meg came to your rescue. The last thing you want is to be alone when you are feeling so terribly upset.
I know what you mean about only having a few people you would want to be with at a time like this because I am the same - although I don't actually know 200 people! But, like you, I would rather be alone when feeling distressed rather than with the "wrong" people.
I am so glad to hear you are feeling a lot better this morning. Look after yourself and remember that we are always here when you need some help and support.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
10-09-05, 13:28
Charlie
Glad you got through it and had a lovely night with Meg.
All you can do now is take each day as it comes and let's hope that they can get your friend through this.
Thinking of you and will give you a big hug on the 19th when we meet up again.
xx
Nicola
"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"
Glad you had a nice evning with Meg and are feeling better today. :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Hi Charlie,
Sorry to hear about your friend. just want to say that my thoughts are with you and I know what you are going through. At times like this its hard to find them posiite thoughts.
About 2 years ago my sister in law went through the same thing, had thyroid gland removed along with lump and underwent radiotherapy also the isolation.
Just wanted to let you know that my sister in law is better now and dong very well.
Happy to hear that you had nice evening and your feeling better.
You take care of yourself now.
Sending you a big HUG
LOVE JILLLXX
Hi Charlie,
I hope you are feeling a little better today. You have a lot to cope with at the moment, so of course you are going to feel like this at times. I'm glad someone could be there for you. Sometimes its just good to take your mind off things.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I am thinking of you and I *hope* your friend will be just fine. You are doing so well, helping her out when you are having a tough time. You are a very strong, confident person (I could tell that in the first 2 minutes of meeting you) and you will get trhough this.
Take care of yourself
Tam x
Hi Charlie,
So sorry to hear about your friend hun. I'm so glad you were rescued by Super Meg! You take care of yourself thinking of you.
Love and a BIG HUG
PIP'S X X
Thanks guys
I feel a lot better today, just tired.
I've seen Nic yesterday and today and she is very positive. I'm having tea there later (I've bought everybody a roast beef dinner so no cooking)
I nearly didn't go to the Mission gig yesterday, and was a bit teary still, but I'm glad I did in the end, we had a good laugh, and felt better for it, although the late night tea drinking that followed didn't help!
Jules made it too, even though she has been off it recently and has a horrible case load at work and it was great to see her again.
thanks to all of you (my mad family) who have helped me bounce back from my blip.
Much love and hugs
Charlie
p.s. Tammyg - me confident??? LOL. Good actress - yes!!!!!! Sorry you can't make AT - maybe the Notts trip in November?
Hope the ankle biters aren't causing too much trouble
Charlie
Nemesis - I JFDI'd IT!!!!!!
Charlie... yes! Confident! Or a VERY, VERY good actress!! Glad you're feeling better today, just give yourself some time eh.
Notts... maybe, I'll check out a map and see how far away I am. For a teacher my Geography is crap lol. Oh and the anklebiters are much harder work than I remembered!!
Tam x
Hi Charlie
Glad to hear you are feeling better today. Remember we are here for you whenever you need some support. I think you are coping remarkably well.
I agree with Tam by the way, you do come across as being very confident!
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.