Big mistake..

[Kraggy]

Soo, Its been quite some time since I last was here, I've been doing great really. Felt pretty good the past days and barely anxious at all.

I wanted to help out someone here who was afraid and full of confidence decided to do a little google for good news for said person!

Big Mistake...Since I had the same stuff in the past and I was quite relaxed about it not beeing anything bad I just clicked the first said and got a list infront of my face with "it can be Scary disease X & scary disease X", I read the word "Lymphoma" and BWAM...I got the hole on the stomach feeling again, started to feel nervous and well, think pretty much everyone knows the rest..

So now I am afraid again that I have Lymphoma "C".. (Swollen Lymph Nodes on the jaw started bothering me again, although I've been relaxed about em for the past weeks...)

Guess it is another lesson learned...Even if you are convinced your cured, dont google or be prepared to drop down to the bottom again... *Sigh*

Its probably just a temporary fear, and im wacking myself across the head saying that its nothing and I should snap out of it already, But peolpe be sure to learn a lesson from this, Even though your cured, Googling is like injecting HA right back into you again! ^^

:bighug1:

Heh, even just typing a little story here has already made me feel a bit better! ^^

[LisaLisa]

Hi there, you are sooooooooooo right!!

I did the same thing yesterday and WHAM!! instant hell! I spoke to my psychologist yesterday about this. I told him that when i feel better its like part of me wants to test this and see if i can you 'be normal' again as in google and feel nodes ...blah blah and he said that i am not better yet and i will know that i am when i dont bother to check or google and dont even think about it.

I totally see his point because for a long time I just kept thinking that i would never be able to change my belief that I have HIV and that i doubted that this was only anxiety because i couldnt see how i would be able to have acomplete turn around with my beleifs/anxiety and beleive i dont have it. Well heres the thing...thats not what will happen. The actually goal is not to persuade myself to think I dont have it but not to care about the issue anymore and thats what i am trying to acheive and OMG it makes so much more sense and I can truely make all the effort now to stop all the reassurance seeking behaviour and checking because i see why both doing it harms my progress and not doing really helps my progress!!

Sorry thats so convoluted but just thought I would share!

Hope your good

Lisa
xxxx

[agingwuss]

Hey Lisa! That's a really wonderful & helpful posting - not to convice myself I haven't got [what I think I've got] but to "stop caring". I can see what a complicated point it is to put across & I think I haven't summed it up well but I can see what you mean. I wish my therapist had managed to explain it like that. You wouldn't believe how many things have clicked into place in my head reading your post. I bet I'll have lost them by tomorrow - but at least I can came back & read it again.
:flowers: