Bluebird
04-07-09, 18:40
I just don't understand why after 33 years why I have become the way I am just lately. I've never had problems in social situations before, always been able to talk to strangers on the street, pick the kids up from school, go shopping etc etc...now the only place I feel "safe" is at home. I dont want to go anywhere or do anything...I'm really confused with what is going on in my head right now.
Just over a year ago I went out to work for the first time after being a stay at home mum for 16 years (I have 6 kids aged between 17 and 4) and really enjoyed that little bit of freedom. Things didnt work out with my job and I ended up walking out nearly a year ago. since then I've gone down hill. Just before christmas I had my first panic attack and really didnt kow what was happening to me. I was at my mums at the time, and insisted to my mum that I was going to die...I was so scared :-( Since then I've been having them periodically from time to time.
But wht I'm finding so hard is the constant tightness in my neck...chest...tingling in my arms and felt just so silly when my husband called an ambulance a couple of months ago. Dont get me wrong they were fantastic...put my mind to rest at the time.
I find it hard here putting in words exactly how I feel. My husband keeps asking whats wrong and even then I find it hard to explain. Everyone had noticed a change in me and convinced me this week I needed to go see the Dr. I really didnt want to go, was scared because I didnt know what and how I would explain to him how I was feeling. Luckily a dear friend of mine came with me and talked to the Dr first, and I just answered his questions from then on in.
I have been given Citalopram, taken it for 2 days now. I know I need to give it time to work but I now feel like a failure and let this thing beat me because I've given in and taken tablets. Why do I feel like this when I know at the end of the day they are going to help me?? I then feel bad for feeling this way..at the moment everything just feels so wrong.
I have a very close family, but cant even cope with them at the moment. My mum has always had a habit of calling a number of times a day just for a chat, but now everytime she rings she asks how I'm feeling now...like I'm going to feel any different from when she called an hour previously.
I have so many different issues going on with not wanting to take the kids to school or fetch them, going shopping and suddenly wanting to go home half way through....I worry people are going to think I'm going crazy....even I sometimes think I'm going crazy.
But why now after leading such a normal and social life.
Bluebird xx
Just over a year ago I went out to work for the first time after being a stay at home mum for 16 years (I have 6 kids aged between 17 and 4) and really enjoyed that little bit of freedom. Things didnt work out with my job and I ended up walking out nearly a year ago. since then I've gone down hill. Just before christmas I had my first panic attack and really didnt kow what was happening to me. I was at my mums at the time, and insisted to my mum that I was going to die...I was so scared :-( Since then I've been having them periodically from time to time.
But wht I'm finding so hard is the constant tightness in my neck...chest...tingling in my arms and felt just so silly when my husband called an ambulance a couple of months ago. Dont get me wrong they were fantastic...put my mind to rest at the time.
I find it hard here putting in words exactly how I feel. My husband keeps asking whats wrong and even then I find it hard to explain. Everyone had noticed a change in me and convinced me this week I needed to go see the Dr. I really didnt want to go, was scared because I didnt know what and how I would explain to him how I was feeling. Luckily a dear friend of mine came with me and talked to the Dr first, and I just answered his questions from then on in.
I have been given Citalopram, taken it for 2 days now. I know I need to give it time to work but I now feel like a failure and let this thing beat me because I've given in and taken tablets. Why do I feel like this when I know at the end of the day they are going to help me?? I then feel bad for feeling this way..at the moment everything just feels so wrong.
I have a very close family, but cant even cope with them at the moment. My mum has always had a habit of calling a number of times a day just for a chat, but now everytime she rings she asks how I'm feeling now...like I'm going to feel any different from when she called an hour previously.
I have so many different issues going on with not wanting to take the kids to school or fetch them, going shopping and suddenly wanting to go home half way through....I worry people are going to think I'm going crazy....even I sometimes think I'm going crazy.
But why now after leading such a normal and social life.
Bluebird xx