PDA

View Full Version : Never Ending Cycle



BrandyS
12-09-05, 15:45
I am so frustrated. I thought that I was finally getting this all a bit under control, and then WHAM! I had a terrible weekend. Started a bit on Friday---just feeling a bit anxious mostly----Saturday a little bit more anxious--terrible palpitations and wierd heartbeats Saturday night--Sunday---pretty high anxiety--missed beats and just feeling like crap. Today, I just feel like I have been run over by a truck! My husband said that I snored so loud last night that it woke him up!

Can anybody give me any reassurance? I feel like I am moving right back to square one--having thoughts that I am going to die any minute, etc. I HATE THIS.........

Does this go this way for anybody else? Do you have many days where you feel great, and don't worry about anything, and then all of a sudden you are right back to feeling like crap. I wish that it would end. I have been trying to wean off of the Lexapro that I have been taking--taking it every 3rd day now--maybe I am not ready? Advice please------[?]
Brandy

JonParr
12-09-05, 16:23
Hey Brandy

This has been exactly the same with me. Without knowing at the time, I was showing signs of anxiety for the past couple of years - had my first attack on new years eve last year - not quite what you want to get you in a party mood.

Rushed down to the doctors thinking I was having a heart attack - and he put me on Beta Blockers. Over the following few months gradually got better and by May was 95% OK.

However, like you, the last few weeks have been hell again - and like you feel like it's all gone back to square 1. I find heavy alcohol/caffeine consumption make the next day a lot worse, so cutting all that back out.

Did something happen to kick it off again for you? I think mine was burning both ends of the candle with working late set the slippery slope going again.

I don't know about the Lexapro... I'm sure someone on the site will though - a lot of useful stuff. Have you tried entering it in the search box to see if others have had experience of it? I'm back on the beta blockers now to see if that helps.

I find it helps if take myself off to a quiet room and concentrate on deep breathing, or go out for a brisk walk.

Keep telling yourself that you have been here before and nothing terrible happened... so why should it this time.

Hope you feel better soon! And hope my reply helps a bit.

Take it easy

Jon.

Meg
12-09-05, 16:29
**I have been trying to wean off of the Lexapro that I have been taking--taking it every 3rd day now--maybe I am not ready? Advice please---**

How fast have you been trying to come off ?

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

BrandyS
12-09-05, 16:41
Jon,

Thank you for the kind words---I know, deep down that nothing bad is going to happen to me---just can't seem to shake the mental side of it! I'm not sure what set it off for me---have to do some soul searching to find that--I have basically cut all caffeine out of my diet--maybe a cup of coffee in the morning, but none the rest of the day---don't know, just needed to talk to somebody that would understand, I think!

Meg,
I had been taking 10 mg 1Xdaily---changed that to 10 mg every other day for around 3 weeks, and now have gone to 10 mg every 3rd day starting on my second full week.
Brandy

JonParr
12-09-05, 17:03
Brandy

I know what you mean. With this recent bad spell I've been having, I was so relieved to find this site. Realising that you aren't cracking up or imagining these things. I always felt silly talking to friends saying that I felt I had something serious wrong with me... and then you find all the guys here going through the same - that itself helps.

Reply or PM any time you want to chat - you aren't on your own!

:)

BrandyS
12-09-05, 18:25
Jon,

You are very kind. I think that on the days that I am bad, I really need a site like this where everybody can relate to me and what I am feeling! It helps to know that others are going through the same things--one day at a time I guess---that is really all that we can do! I think that the main trigger of my anxiety is my mother. Sounds horrible, doesn't it. I have been doing a lot of thinking about it, and I believe that she is the cause. I am 33 years old (almost) and have a husband and 2 kids, and an overbearing mother who is still trying to run my life. It is also funny to me that all of this began after the birth of my second child. Had no problems with the 1st one---but, my mom lived 2000 miles away from me during the 1st preg. and all I did was talk to her on the phone. When the baby was born, she came to stay for 2 weeks and then left---back to the phone. By the time my second preg. rolled around, she had moved back and was always around. Ate dinner with us every night, etc...... It has continued since, and that was 2 years and4 months ago! I think that she is slowly but surely driving me nuts! I'm sorry to lay this all out, but I have got to talk to somebody, and I know that you will understand my lunatic ravings!
Thanks----Brandy

JonParr
12-09-05, 22:26
Hi Brandy

I'll try again - typed a great long response earlier and then managed to lose it somehow - and there's me a computer programmer - DUH! ;)

You are not having lunatic ravings at all - I find the hardest thing with anxiety is the frustration of not feeling right, especially when I, like you, have had a "good spell". Just want to be normal - whatever that is?

It's good that you are able to identify what you think is causing the anxiety. Does this allow you to tackle the cause, i.e. by talking to friends or relatives that know both you and your mother and understand the situation? Like most things, I think if you can diminish the cause of a problem - you may find yourself not having to keep dealing with the symptoms? Just a thought.

With me, I think it should be easier - as it's more of a lifestyle problem rather than an external thing. Bascially me and my partner run our own business from home...so when customers want something doing in a rush, it's not so easy to switch off at 5PM - the PC is churning away across the room - waiting for me to work on it again - invariably with a bottle of wine (or three) on the go :( So theory says if I just ease back on the work and refuse to work in the evenings, get a decent amount of rest and lay off the booze, then my symptoms should subside. I know for a fact if I drink too much of an evening the next day is like hell.

When I was first told I had anxiety problems - I was mainly suffering from heart palpatations and missed beats. The Beta blockers helped with that - and I can totally understand how scary it is thinking the ticker is going to give in. But, you know deep down it won't.

Of late in the recent bout for me, I started off with stomach upset/ache - which I've had since I was about 17 - so don't get too "stressed" about it and just let it run it's course.

The thing I am having trouble with, is something that I didn't associate at first with anxiety - and didn't see it listed in many writings on symptoms. Thank God for this site - as I have seen many people describing the same things. Basically my head hurts - not as in a headache, but my skull to touch hurts. Feels like my brain is wrapped in cotton wool and makes my head feel hot. Also very tired in the eyes, and it feels like eyes and body not quite working at the same speed and feel uneasy on my feet. Been like it for just over a week now and is getting frustrating (that word again). I am reasonably sure it is all just down to anxiety - as when I am distracted the symptoms go away. Just want it to stop!

I hope you are able to move on now that you have identified a cause - I don't know what your relationship with your mother is like, but at the end of the day you need to give yourself some "you" time and put "you" first to try to put a stop, or at least ease the way you are feeling.

Keep in touch with how you are doing.

Take care

Jon.

BrandyS
13-09-05, 18:08
Jon,

Wow----I never imagined that I would find someone that could really relate to me! Everything that you said makes total sense----and I also run my own business, so we have a lot in common.

I know that I need to have time for "me"--back to my mother----if I take the time, I get ridiculed for doing it. I have managed to develop a "screw you" attitude when it comes to the ridiculing! I am completely entitled to some time for me and I don't care what anyone says about it.

Now--to address the drinking topic. I often think that it would be very easy for me to become an alcoholic. When I drink, I am totally at ease with everything--does that make sense to you? I don't think about the palpitations or the feeling that my body is going 1000 miles per hour, or any of the other crap---Yeah, I often feel bad the next day, but it is mostly from the hangover and not from the anxiety! LOL

Like you, I have the feeling that my eyes and body are moving on two different planes. Hard to explain, it is almost like everything is being experienced in a heightened sense of awareness. See there---lunatic ravings again! Sometimes I think that it would be easier to be crazy---wouldn't have to worry about this crap then----

I can't thank you enough for your support---you have been a great help to me---Oh--I feel a lot better today--How are you?
Brandy

JonParr
13-09-05, 23:17
Hi Brandy

I'll try not to waffle on so much this time ;)

The commonalities are quite bizarre aren't they... for me the drink is definitely a double edged sword. If I have a few glasses or six then yes at the time I feel more "relaxed" and don't suffer so much... then the next day, the more I've had the worse it is - so trying to keep that in check. It seems to me a hangover a) lowers resistance and b) makes your body feel odd - just to give you something else to think "Oh hell what's that inside me". Lord, could you imagine being an anxious alcoholic-yikes as if we don't have enough problems.

I'm truly glad you are feeling better today. Very interested in your comment saying you get ridiculed for taking "you" time... I think it's one of the most important things in human life. No use trying to spend all your time sorting everyone else out and going off the rails yourself. Don't get put off by ridicule.

Dare I say it, I think I've been a bit better today. Still very tired in the eyes, but head doesn't seem to be getting squashed so much. This morning I thought "sod it" and stayed in bed later and woke up and got up when I was ready, rather than when I thought "Oh I should be at my desk".

Keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on - hopefully you can break the back of it and get yourself on the mend again. PM or Email if you want... no worries [^]

Take care

Jon.