Hereford Al
06-07-09, 22:01
Hi guys.
Well, I've made a fair bit of progress this last 3 months with a combination of new meds (Citaloptam) and some intensive Counselling. I am therefore attempting a return to work in the Planning Department of my local Council next Monday (13/07) after being off sick since early July last year.
Initially part time 2-3 mornings a week and build it up from there with regular meetings with Occupational Health to discuss how to go quicker or slower in terms of going back full time. If things go to plan then I should be back on full time duties by the end of August. I believe that by attempting to go back to the place where all my problems really began 18 months ago (I was ill with nerves for months before eventually cracking up), and facing it down, will not only further aid in my recovery from this nasty illness, but will give me so much confidence....If I can handle looking at complex building plans and dealing with daft computers that go beep alot, then why the hell would I ever be worried about getting on a busy bus or standing in a long queue again?
Am I nervous? Oh yes. I am really nervous. I attempted to go back in February and got in such a state that I ended up in hospital. This time around, however, my anxiety does not seem quite so bad - I am atleast able to leave the house, take the dog out and not worry so much. Whereas a week before my previous attempt to return, I was crying all day, not sleeping and barely able to leave the house. I am struggling to eat a great deal though because of that "excited stomach" feeling (plus I had a god awful flu bug last week that I am still only just getting over!), but at the moment am looking forward to my return....It will feel great to walk in on Monday morning, with a pint of milk for the fridge and some choccy biscuits for me and my little cabal who I sit next to, drink tea, partake in the banter for a few hours, clear my e-mails and catch up on what government policy changes have happened, etc.
I have a couple of Lorazepam tablets handy incase things do start to go a bit awry closer to the time but I would rather deal with this without them. They are just a safety net, I guess, and enable me to think about things in a lot more relaxed fashion just knowing that they are there if I am REALLY in need of calming down.
Yeah, I am worried about doing fine for a few weeks and then caving in again when everyone starts thinking that I am cured or something. However, the assertiveness stuff of my CBT has really helped me and given me the confidence to say "no" to people who might see me as a soft touch, as was the case before.
My rules for returning:
1) No more stupid hours! I'm contracted to 37 a week, so why the hell should I do 45-50 like I was before? Did I ever get any thanks for it? No, it made me seriously seriously ill. Never again.
2) No more being a doormat! People may think me to be the same old Al as before. Yeah, sure, I will always help others if I can. But no longer at the detriment of my own workload or stress levels.
3) Leave work at work! When I turn my PC off and get home, I will try my damnest not to think about work. I'll take the dog out, go for a pint, go and play snooker, etc. Not sit infront of the TV all evening thinking about what I have to do in the office tomorrow, like I used to.
4) Carry on with my healthier diet! I now only drink de-caffinated tea, only drink moderate amounts of alcohol 1-2 nights a week, eat lots more fruit that I ever used to, got a hankering for pasta, eggs, salads rather than the chips and chocolate and crisps diet of before. One day in the future I will try and give up smoking, but one step at a time for now!
5) Book my annual leave and stick to it! In the olden days, I used to book days off, then cave in and go into work anyway to avoid feelings of guilt about workload. It got to the stage last year that between Christmas and the day in July I was signed off sick, I had taken a grand total of 3 days leave. Not happening again. I book a day off, I take that day off no matter how much crap is going on....If the workload is really that bad then they should get extra staff in maybe! Not my problem. I have been told that I will still have my full leave entitlement, which is nice - I am sure I could use the 25 days off!
6) Fix my bike and sign up to the gym! I need to get myself a bit more physically fit to help me cope with stresses better. So I'll be spending the odd weekend here and there fixing up my old mountain bike and using it to cycle to and from work. I'll also sign myself up for gym membership to help burn off the adrenaline one or two nights a week after work. Something like boxing or a martial art, as these would give me further confidence.
7) Start going back to the football every weekend! Yep, I went to every single Hereford United home game (and many of the away games) for over 5 years. Then my anxiety problems started and I missed a game here and a game there and it soon became not going at all. I missed the whole of last season (no bad thing, given they got relegated!) and really long for the days when I would be standing on a terrace swearing and letting out my internal anger and giving myself high blood pressure for a few hours. There is definately a link between me not having that outlet and my basic anxiety levels being higher. Sorry referee.
Well, if anyone has any tips and advice on going back to work succesfully after being off for so long, then I would greatly appreciate them - How did you cope on the first morning, deal with that first irate phonecall, handle that first wave of panic large or small, deal with that first mistake, etc.
I know my buddies will help me as best they can and I know that I have the support of management - For some reason they seem to have missed my daft humour, my arguments with technology, and my lunchtime chips and gravy sandwiches destroying the office aroma! I've just got to be braver than I think I have ever been in my life and fight this b***ard face to face and destroy it once and for all....
Regards,
Al
Well, I've made a fair bit of progress this last 3 months with a combination of new meds (Citaloptam) and some intensive Counselling. I am therefore attempting a return to work in the Planning Department of my local Council next Monday (13/07) after being off sick since early July last year.
Initially part time 2-3 mornings a week and build it up from there with regular meetings with Occupational Health to discuss how to go quicker or slower in terms of going back full time. If things go to plan then I should be back on full time duties by the end of August. I believe that by attempting to go back to the place where all my problems really began 18 months ago (I was ill with nerves for months before eventually cracking up), and facing it down, will not only further aid in my recovery from this nasty illness, but will give me so much confidence....If I can handle looking at complex building plans and dealing with daft computers that go beep alot, then why the hell would I ever be worried about getting on a busy bus or standing in a long queue again?
Am I nervous? Oh yes. I am really nervous. I attempted to go back in February and got in such a state that I ended up in hospital. This time around, however, my anxiety does not seem quite so bad - I am atleast able to leave the house, take the dog out and not worry so much. Whereas a week before my previous attempt to return, I was crying all day, not sleeping and barely able to leave the house. I am struggling to eat a great deal though because of that "excited stomach" feeling (plus I had a god awful flu bug last week that I am still only just getting over!), but at the moment am looking forward to my return....It will feel great to walk in on Monday morning, with a pint of milk for the fridge and some choccy biscuits for me and my little cabal who I sit next to, drink tea, partake in the banter for a few hours, clear my e-mails and catch up on what government policy changes have happened, etc.
I have a couple of Lorazepam tablets handy incase things do start to go a bit awry closer to the time but I would rather deal with this without them. They are just a safety net, I guess, and enable me to think about things in a lot more relaxed fashion just knowing that they are there if I am REALLY in need of calming down.
Yeah, I am worried about doing fine for a few weeks and then caving in again when everyone starts thinking that I am cured or something. However, the assertiveness stuff of my CBT has really helped me and given me the confidence to say "no" to people who might see me as a soft touch, as was the case before.
My rules for returning:
1) No more stupid hours! I'm contracted to 37 a week, so why the hell should I do 45-50 like I was before? Did I ever get any thanks for it? No, it made me seriously seriously ill. Never again.
2) No more being a doormat! People may think me to be the same old Al as before. Yeah, sure, I will always help others if I can. But no longer at the detriment of my own workload or stress levels.
3) Leave work at work! When I turn my PC off and get home, I will try my damnest not to think about work. I'll take the dog out, go for a pint, go and play snooker, etc. Not sit infront of the TV all evening thinking about what I have to do in the office tomorrow, like I used to.
4) Carry on with my healthier diet! I now only drink de-caffinated tea, only drink moderate amounts of alcohol 1-2 nights a week, eat lots more fruit that I ever used to, got a hankering for pasta, eggs, salads rather than the chips and chocolate and crisps diet of before. One day in the future I will try and give up smoking, but one step at a time for now!
5) Book my annual leave and stick to it! In the olden days, I used to book days off, then cave in and go into work anyway to avoid feelings of guilt about workload. It got to the stage last year that between Christmas and the day in July I was signed off sick, I had taken a grand total of 3 days leave. Not happening again. I book a day off, I take that day off no matter how much crap is going on....If the workload is really that bad then they should get extra staff in maybe! Not my problem. I have been told that I will still have my full leave entitlement, which is nice - I am sure I could use the 25 days off!
6) Fix my bike and sign up to the gym! I need to get myself a bit more physically fit to help me cope with stresses better. So I'll be spending the odd weekend here and there fixing up my old mountain bike and using it to cycle to and from work. I'll also sign myself up for gym membership to help burn off the adrenaline one or two nights a week after work. Something like boxing or a martial art, as these would give me further confidence.
7) Start going back to the football every weekend! Yep, I went to every single Hereford United home game (and many of the away games) for over 5 years. Then my anxiety problems started and I missed a game here and a game there and it soon became not going at all. I missed the whole of last season (no bad thing, given they got relegated!) and really long for the days when I would be standing on a terrace swearing and letting out my internal anger and giving myself high blood pressure for a few hours. There is definately a link between me not having that outlet and my basic anxiety levels being higher. Sorry referee.
Well, if anyone has any tips and advice on going back to work succesfully after being off for so long, then I would greatly appreciate them - How did you cope on the first morning, deal with that first irate phonecall, handle that first wave of panic large or small, deal with that first mistake, etc.
I know my buddies will help me as best they can and I know that I have the support of management - For some reason they seem to have missed my daft humour, my arguments with technology, and my lunchtime chips and gravy sandwiches destroying the office aroma! I've just got to be braver than I think I have ever been in my life and fight this b***ard face to face and destroy it once and for all....
Regards,
Al