Avoidance

[Tallulah]

Can anyone explain why I avoid situations. I can even want to avoid people I know when we are walking towards one another. I prefer to forget to telephone a friend and when it really is on the top of the list to make contact it feels almost painful to make the call and guess what I avoid the call. Help please.:confused:

[Meewah]

Hi

If you suffer from anxiety then this seems to reduce your anxiety level for the immediate moment, the problem is it makes it worse in the future. The more avoidance you do the stronger the anxiety becomes. If I was you I would start doing the things that make you feel uncomfortable now and you will soon wonder why you kept avoiding things.

Meet the challenge.

Mee

[Meewah]

Listen to the kettle....

I am on here at.... 6.10am in the morning because I could not get to sleep after having some upper back ache...so I started flapping as we do, I could not sleep so I avoided the feeling came downstairs switched on my computer and hey presto I am avoiding what I preach about. I am on here to take my mind off my back which I have to say has worked wonderfully until next time when I do this again and again and never face my fears....

OK I will try harder next time. Problem is I was told if you dont get back to sleep in 30 mins then get up make a cupper and read.


Not sure whats wrong or right.


Mee

[jackie13]

Hi there

Just read your post and it is extremely familiar to me this morning!

My anxiety has been bad again for the last 3 days, keep trying to tell myself that it should be better by the end of the week. However, I have work today, so already getting anxious about that! What if I cant cope, if I loose control, will I feel like this for ever.

My husband is my rock, it is his last day off today and he is back to work tomorrow. I wake with terrible anxiety, when he is there we work through it together, what will I do tomorrow? Already worrying about that!! Need to face things as you say.

Jackie x

[den68]

hi there
avoidance, avoidance, avoidance.
Thats what i have done avoided going out, avoided going to work, avoided seeing friends, avoided standing up for myself. You name it i have avoided it and it was helping my anxiety feel better or as i thought. All it was doing was enhancing my fears and so i started to do things i was avoiding and it wasnt pleasant to say the least, but the more i face these things i have avoided the less hold this illness has over me. Do i have days still where i avoid things yep had 1 yesterday when i made my son come to local shop with me because i felt so ill, but today im gonna get on with it and go on my own as i know if i start down that road again it will just get worse and worse:)
denise

[Alexmarie]

Avoidance:

I still do it when I am having a bad day. I don't answer the door, answer the phone or even go to the shops. Any social contact terrifies me on a bad day. So I just avoid it. It is so destructive though, because I alienate the people who are trying to be good friends. I end up feeling more and more lonely. The best thing to do (albeit terrifying and painful at first) is to face the fears and force yourself not to avoid. You will feel like you have slayed you own personal demons when you do!!

Good Luck,
Alex xx

[Kerrigan]

I also do this, I avoid everything and everyone without exception. It took months for me to form one friendship after years of isolation and she was a really forthcoming, persistent person. Even now I develop grudges and suspicions about her and even extended family because I think they avoid me out of fear or feeling uncomfortable.

I lost my job because I avoided meetings, I got dirty looks and people said 'so and so left because of you'. I thought 'good, f*ck em' then, thats their problem'.

But you've got to help yourself by doing whats in your best interests, do it for YOU. What I've realised is that anything can be avoided if you have convincing excuses for long enough but you're letting yourself down in the long run and you deserve the best.

Looking at the other posts I can see avoidance is a big part of anxiety, we all totally understand, those of us that have used this tactic to our own detriment over the years. All it does it make things worse, avoidance is the cement that sets your phobias in place.

You've got one life, find a reason for yourself or your partner/kids to face life in whatever frame of mind helps you. X

[sweetypie]

we see avoidance has a way of coping which really it isnt it makes it worse for the future

for instance im emetophobic and the last time i was sick i was baking a gingerbread house and making buns and cakes so now i wont do any thing like that i even avoid cakes and buns
and another thing my daughter was sick a few months ago and the things we did that day i wont do again like walking up the hill instead i walk the long way round to my mums


its killing me inside all this avoidance i wont even watch films or any thing

[Raindog]

Hi,
I've been trying to deal with my avoidance issues recently too, I just put up a post about it here in the GA forum. I've been pushing myself recently to do things that I was avoiding, committing myself to being somewhere or doing things has been an issue for me so I've made an effort to take on a bit of responsibility, meet deadlines and such while doing some volunteer work. This hasn't been that easy as I feel it's contributed to the minor blip I'm currently experiencing, a bit of anxiety and depression showing themselves, feeling like I don't want to do so much, all that, but I can recognize it now at least and instead of just giving in I am trying to keep going even though I would rather just stay in bed and avoid the whole world.

Not an easy thing when you feel that nervous little monkey on your back, but he's probably just pushing back at me after I've started to push him out of the picture a bit, so let's just keep pushing until he falls off :)

Better days people
Shaun