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skelingtor
08-07-09, 13:33
Not sure if i am on my own in this or if anyone else can recognise my situation as one like there own, here goes nothing

At the start of the year (2009) i was struck down with a severe bout of panic attacks, i was in such a state i had to move back to my mothers house for a month and take the time off work ( im 33 years old) the panic was health related, i was convinced i was going to die of a heart attack at anytime, i couldnt sleep, work or even function as a ' normal ' human being.

I consider myself as a very strong minded independent confident person, i was initially given Beta Blockers by my doctor to control my heart rate, after 2 weeks of these hideous drugs i was in a much worse state. I revisited my doctor to be given some really strong sleeping tablets, which i gobbled like a drug addict for two weeks, ahhhhhhh what bliss, i was once again able to sleep. Thus my long road to recovery began, i used every fibre of my being to try to get better, i consumed book after book and gradually began to understand my condition, and with the help of this wonderful site began to see i was not on my own in this. The sleeping tablets became a crutch, i recognised this after 2 weeks and was able to wean myself off them giving me much natural sleep.

I have read so many stories on this site and i feel able to tell people there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not an oncoming train.

I have now reduced my panic and anxiety attacks to such a level that i feel able to control them, i am aware of what my body is trying to do to me and i can accept the situation thus reducing the power of panic over me.

I am now suffering from some sort of depression, some days i feel totally fine and other times i feel like throwing myself out of a window, a really deep senes of lonliness has beset me, i am surrounded by family and a really loving group of friends but i am still totally and utterly lonley. I am unsure how to proceed, i recently met a wonderful woman who made my life seem so full and happy, but i became so possesive and ridiculously angry i pushed her away leading to an even greater sense of depression.

I am in the process of dealing with this sense of depression, whats weird is i actually feel like i miss the panic attacks at least with them i was able to see a way forward. Please read this and see that we can deal with our panic, but make no bones about it is a long hard fight, anyone who could offer any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read my tale.

This site and the people on it have been a constant source of encouragement and hope to me i want to thank you all.

suzy-sue
08-07-09, 13:56
First I would like to say ,how sorry I am to hear you are feeling like this. You will recover and deal with this like you did with the Panic. I would advise you to go and speak to your Dr and discuss the options available to you.This is treatable in more than one way .Antidepressants will put you in a better frame of mind to be able to get your life back on track.They will remove the symptoms but not the cause.Counselling will be able to help you with that and enable you to change and look at life from a different perspective,Low self esteme can cause problems with relationships and make you possesive and insecure . This will not go away with drugs,.You have taken the first step by writing this post.Well done and good luck with your recovery.Keep posting and let us know how you are progressing.Life will be good again believe me .Take care Sue:hugs:

skelingtor
08-07-09, 18:47
ty for the support, im trying to avoid the doctors, i have had counselling in the past and found it a great help, i really want to avoid drugs because the only mask the problem and im a head on kinda person, lol.

the depression is so sporadic its quite hard to attack if you know what i mean, if i was miserable all the time i could deal with it easier if that makes any sense.
hehe, im sure with the help and support of family and friends and all you lovley people i will get the better of this particular demon, even typing these few words is helping

Bren

clsmith9
13-07-09, 12:27
hi, i am exactly the same as you, i am handling the anxiety but now i have these odd days where my future seems bleak and i cant imagine being normal again. i feel like nothing will make me happy like it used to. none off the things i used to enjoy will make my life better. after spending the last hr on this site, i now feel like "ok they wont make u better but that because u will still have anxiety/depression whilst doing them". if we try and make sense of this, of course the stuff that usually makes us happy will not at the minute cus we have this annoying blockage. after reading on here the struggles that ppl are having with their anxiety, i now feel like ive achieved a lot in 8 weeks. other ppl on here are at the beginning and really struggling to cope. i know what you mean though that this down feeling is harder to handle than the panic attacks in a way because the down thoughts and feelings are terrifying. i think that we have learnt to fight one type of mental challange and we can another. i am going to talk to my docs though because i want to get better asap and i think the doc may help me come to terms with what im feeling, why im feeling it and that it will pass. on the web it says that most spurs of depresseion even without treatment last for aout 24 weeks so it looks like we will get over it eventually and with proffesional help, maybe a lot sooner. xxx