View Full Version : Feeling a little less low (update).
Hi.
I am feeling as I'm approaching a dead end at the moment. Tonight I am feeling unbearably anxious. As some of you know I have just started on anti-depressants and after a bad start for the first week things seemed to be going well and I became a little calmer. I just started to enjoy things a bit more. I was fine on saturday evening. On Sunday morning I woke up with adrenaline and what I thought was racing heart. It has been down hill since then. I put it down to either 2 things. Drinking a glass of wine over the weekend or a nasty reaction to my beta-blockers running out since Friday. Although I weaned myself off them. Sunday would have been the first day completely without. Now the anxiety is back and worse than ever at certain times of the day. This time I have no idea what it might be about as the other compulsive thoughts have gone. All I can feel is my beating heart strongly although I am not worried about my health. I've been into work today (still doing a very good job) and out last night and the distraction did me good (though having this inner dread). Now I feel utterly despondant and dreading what could happen to me as I have tried everything to kick this including exercise, eating. I don't want to see all my good work undone. I'm up and down like a yo yo. I just want to be calm all the time. I live alone and it is harder to channel my fraustrations in a tiny flat. Few people seem to understand what I'm going through - least of all the doctor - Its either you are holding it together what's the problem or you are depressed, nervous and falling apart - lets throw drugs at the whole problem.
tulip
Hi Tulip,
I know when i first started taking medication i felt worse for a week or so just until my body got used to them, how long have you been taking them,
kairen x
about a week and a half. But the second half of the first week, things started getting a lot better - I think it might have something to do with the betablockers running out but I'm scared to go to the doctors as he might throw lots more drugs at me (he dosen't listen).
Tulip
Hi Tulip
I am sorry to hear you are having a bad day.
On a very positive note, you should be very proud that you made it into work and stayed for the whole day, that is a real achievement ( I made it into work for only 1/2 hour and that time was spent with the OH Nurse, only to return home again). To me, that for you is a real achievement, something to be really proud of!
Regarding the wine - last week I had two really bad nights, panic attacks/little sleep. On both occasions I had a couple of glasses of wine. My gp has now told me to avoid alcohol, in case that is a trigger for me.
Regarding your gp, I am sorry to here he/she is not being very supportive. Have you asked to be referred on for further help ?
It does seem like we are on a roller coaster with all of these anxiety issues, I like you find it frustrating. To quote you 'I just want to be calm all the time' is something most of us want.
I might not be of any help to you, but please feel free to pm me at any time if that helps.
lots of love and best wishes
Elaine
I have been into work and holding it together for the last 2 weeks (I have my own imaginary system to cope). I'm scared of the antidepressants which might even add to my anxiety. I'm scared of being referred on in case my work hear about it and I loose my job (which I love and so far is been a friend rather than an enemy), stressful as it is. I worry that it will escalate out of control and I will end up in hospital (sorry that's my anxiety talking, I know not to be true). What I really need is some positive vibes and encouragement while I try and ride this through.
Tulip
Hi Tulip
I appreciate how hard this is for you and like you i worried the tablets might make me worse, that i might end up losing it completely and be put in hospital, then would lose my job and financially then i couldnt cope. I like you put a brave face on at work but it got to me too much and i look back now and wish i had resigned myself to the problem earlier rather than being brave and taken the time out i really needed.
Its hard and we all try to carry on with normality but at times if it gets too much we need time out.
You are not alone in how you feel and if you ever want to chat pm me and i will pm you my number and we can have a chat if you feel up to it.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi. Thanks for the support. I don't feel that work is the problem. In fact I feel my best while I'm at work - distractions - the focus comes of me. In all, on good days I get a good rest from myself and my thoughts. I just scared of the antidepressants, and I have a doctor who is not prepared to address my needs, listen or reassure me about the course of meds I'm taking.
tulip
hi tulip,
i think the suggested time it takes for most meds to 'kick in' is about 4 weeks and stopping the beta blockers is very likely to cause you some reaction.
your doing great! you havent stopped trying or fighting no matter how up and down its been. nobody can say how long it will take for you to recover but try not to lose hope, ive got alot better, it does happen .. tc andrew
Hiya Tulip
You're doing all the right things.
Distraction is the 1st thing to learn in managing to abate the symptoms and you have already done that.
Next comes the task of trying to change those strong worrying thoughts to comfort and support you without the benefit of constant distraction or using a mixture of both approaches.
The Battle that Rages in my Head (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4149)
We are always here so you can update us , the rouite to recovery is bumpy too.. don't be surprised or disappointed when you come up against a blip.
worried to get better!?!? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3419)
home truths (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2398)
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
"Distraction is the 1st thing to learn in managing to abate the symptoms. "
I am glad you are thinking on the same lines I do. I must admit each day since black sunday has been marginally better. On the positive side I got to sleep last night without an adrenaline kick (despite waking up several times), I have an appertite, I can work with some sense of achivement, I don't get those horrid compulsive thoughts so much (e.g. I can breath without thinking about it every second). I don't know what I would do without going to work - really I don't. It is just that when I have a low at the moment it is really bad for no reason and it is usually first thing in the morning or if I'm alone with my thoughts in the evening. Some people just want a hug and a bit of reassurance when they feel like that. Though I live in hope things will level out gradually.
Even now I feel bad but I know it will pass.
(Also I need to regain my sense of humour) - some people say I take life too seriously.
Tulip
Tulip
In light of all the new information on your latest post - do you really feel this is correct ?
*I am feeling as I'm approaching a dead end at the moment*
It seems to me you're doing better overall than previously but are having some doom and gloom blippy times - which is to be expected you know ...
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Perhaps things may gradually be improving but when I get a bad moments it feels just as bad in fact worse than previously - the contrast can be quite marked to my better moments. So when I feel bad, nervous and anxious, it feels like a dead end. I'm usually very positive but sometimes I tend to loose it when having an anxiety attack.
Tulip
Hi I thought I would update on this topic. I'm coming to the end of my medication after just over 3 weeks. I'm feeling a little better in the way, a little calmer. I feel that the drugs act more like pain killers rather than solve the problem. I'm sure I haven't resolved all of the problems that are floating about the limbo of my subconcious and I feel they may be their ready to pounce at a later date when I least expect it. I'm going back to the doctor on Monday but I have two doctors, one that dosen't listen and one pot boiler who acts as a bit of a locum. You cannot form any rappor as it is either one or the other. The potboiler dosen't know the background to this and will act on instinct whereas my other doctor who prescribed the medication I'm on is away for some time but I am running out of pills so I have to see potbolier who suggested I take valium which I know is totally unsuitable to my situation or background. Oh well, the road to recovery is always bumpy with lots of false dawns and sunsets.
Tulip
Hi Tulip
I have read back over your posts.
Things are looking more positive for you, I'm glad.
Your post about your docs made me laugh!
If you want to still continue your medication, I would have thought you would be able to ask for a repeat of the medication, based on what is in your notes - just a thought!
Elaine X
Hi Tulip
Glad you are starting to feel better with the help of the medication. Like Elaine suggested, you could ask the doctor for a repeat prescription of the medication you are already taking. Antidepressants are usually prescribed for a period of time and it doesn't help to change ones you've only been on for a few weeks, so I doubt the doctor will want to do this anyway.
Are you reveiving any form of therapy too? You are right that the medication helps with the symptoms but not to change the underlying causes. Perhaps this is something you could discuss with your doctor.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Thanks for your replies Elaine and Karen.
I am not undergoing therapy at the moment. I feel I should as I have stemmed the flow of the 24 hours of constant anxciousness. I have a great deal of underlying issues that need sorting out in the long term, otherwise it will come back all over again. My worst periods of bad anxiety tend to come in cycles: The big ones were in 1988, 1990, 1993, 2000, 2002 and my most recent bout 2005 (one of the worst precipitated by my holiday). The trouble is as I work, I cannot go during the day. And by the nature of my work it is impossible. I cannot afford private help either at the moment.
I think I will just ask Mr Potboiler for a repeat pescription and wait until my other doctor comes back, then discuss a way forward.
Tulip
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