so scared of dying!

[khirstie71]

Hello,

I wanted to post a new thread as am haveing a bad couple of days!, had some blood tests done last week and results came back normal which is good, but cant help feeling the results are wrong!! dont know how much reassurance i need to convince myself that im just suffering from panic attacks, doc did tell me it was hyperventilation syndrome, but im not sure what the difference is if there is any difference!, i have been having not pains as such more tightness in my chest for 2 days, which is scaring me, doc has said this is just anxiety, but im scared its not! i spoke to my partner last night about my fears etc, he was no support at all!, he made out i wanted to die, and was bringing all these attacks on myself thinking about it all the time!, i cant help all the thoughts that come into my head at the moment, everyday im convinced its my last, i hate thinking like that i just cant control my thoughts, every little pain i have i think oh s**t this is it!, i just want to be normal me again, im due back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks off and im so scared about going back, thats where my first attack was, and i dont feel my boss has been terribly supportive so i know im anxcious about that! i want to get normal again, just dont know how to get all my stupid, obsessive thoughts into perspective.
Feel so down and cant stop crying!, dont wanna go mad!
can anyone give me reassurance that im not alone in thinking all these irrational thoughts!

PS, i think my obsessive thouughts about dying come from the fact that my partner died 7 yrs ago from cardiomyothapy (a heart defect) he died very suddenly, i was pregnant at the time with my son, i thought i was fine about it all, and had come to terms with it etc, but it seems to have come back to haunt me, also my best friend committed suicide last yr, i found her, cut her down and tried to resussitate her but it was too late, thought i was coping well with that too, do you think councelling would help? my doc has given me some numbers to call for councelling but i cant afford it, how do i get free therapy through the doctor?

Im so sorry for rambiling and you will probably all get bored reading it just had to get my thoughts down!!

Khirstie xx
Khirstie xx


This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

[chantelle]

Hi Khirstie

you are not going mad!!! I do think counselling would help - ask your gp to refer you to someone as soon as possible or try phoning some charitable organisations - like CRUSE Bereavement Care 020 8940 4818. Just don't give up. I've been there and am now getting better - it will get better for you too

Take care

Chantelle

[pollyanna]

kHirstie, i really feel for you, you have been through such a lot, and its no wonder your body and mind are reacting in this way.
You feel awful and overwhelmed but you are not going to go mad, i promise you.
I dont know what kind of realationship you have with Gp , but i would go back and ask to be put on a waiting list for counselling( i know that you can be refered in scotland but there is usually a big waiting list, although you can have private counselling which you pay for, but i know you have said you cant afford to do that.), i really think it would help you, and also discuss about you returning to work, i dont know how long you have been off for, but sometimes its good to have something else to distract you, but if you are too unwell it will just have a negative effect.
It isnt helpful when other people arent or dont appear to be supportive, i think it is very difficult for partners/family to understand, because sometimes we dont even understand ourselves..., but your circumstances are slightly different because you have had a lot of grief, some which is still very raw.
You are not stupid, or mad and you are certainly not alone, you cant help the thoughts that come no more than someone can stop having a cold or anything else physical, but you will get better at controlling/managing them.

i really do understand, i have experienced all the anxiety things that you describe, although i havent had to deal with the losses you have had, dont be so hard on yourself, you just need a bit of help and the tools to use to get over this, it will get better...

if every you want to talk or get things out, you can always post, or pm me i would be happy to chat...

Take care of yourself, and go back to your Gp and talk things over with them.

Hope things improve for you soon


Paulinex :hugs: :hugs:

[Mich1111]

Hi Khirstie

Please be reassured you are not going mad.
I too have had blood tests which came back fine but find it hard to accept that the reason I feel so ill all the time/have strange thoughts is due to high levels of anxiety.
I am now on medication and have days where I am starting to feel more rational and back to my old self - it will come just takes time.

I would definately give the counselling a go.

[peoplelikeus]

You're not going mad...honestly. I think the above advice is excellent.

People like us

I feel a tremor in my heart
That's what one feels at the start
A nightmare begins to unfold itself

Thoughts of uncertainty about your health
Avoidance is the cure for me.
Go nowhere ......see nobody,
A lonely world, an alien existence
your problems are all that you enhance.
Dwell on troubles, negative thoughts,
It's not just you who’s "out of sorts".
Yes it is a sad, mad world
but you have reasons for your panic.
You're not going down like the Titanic.
Positive things will come from this experience.
Yes, one day it will all make sense.
You'll be happy and free from all of this.
Panic is something you'll not miss.
The future is bright and you will have love,
If not down here then from above.
It is the most horrific event.
From hell these panic attacks were sent.
There is a way into perfect health,
when the Panic Monster will panic himself,
then you will realise he can be slain,
get that knowledge and lose your pain.
Don't let this Monster make you dull,
Enjoy your life to the full!
Fly free again like a beautiful dove
and remember the power of positive love.
"People like us" have a lot to offer,
and we definitely do not deserve to suffer.
Remember you are a wonderful soul
who would love to simply rock n' roll.
With the gift of life and power to love too,
I hope these words mean something to you.
So good luck and to you I wish a positive life.
Say goodbye to all of this trouble and strife.
And if you panic, do it in style,
and know that it goes away in a while.
And remember you've made some new friends,
Coz "people like us" care about how it ends.

(You are not alone, we are all with you.)

[anx mum]

Hello,

I wanted to post a new thread as am haveing a bad couple of days!, had some blood tests done last week and results came back normal which is good, but cant help feeling the results are wrong!! dont know how much reassurance i need to convince myself that im just suffering from panic attacks, doc did tell me it was hyperventilation syndrome, but im not sure what the difference is if there is any difference!, i have been having not pains as such more tightness in my chest for 2 days, which is scaring me, doc has said this is just anxiety, but im scared its not! i spoke to my partner last night about my fears etc, he was no support at all!, he made out i wanted to die, and was bringing all these attacks on myself thinking about it all the time!, i cant help all the thoughts that come into my head at the moment, everyday im convinced its my last, i hate thinking like that i just cant control my thoughts, every little pain i have i think oh s**t this is it!, i just want to be normal me again, im due back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks off and im so scared about going back, thats where my first attack was, and i dont feel my boss has been terribly supportive so i know im anxcious about that! i want to get normal again, just dont know how to get all my stupid, obsessive thoughts into perspective.
Feel so down and cant stop crying!, dont wanna go mad!
can anyone give me reassurance that im not alone in thinking all these irrational thoughts!

PS, i think my obsessive thouughts about dying come from the fact that my partner died 7 yrs ago from cardiomyothapy (a heart defect) he died very suddenly, i was pregnant at the time with my son, i thought i was fine about it all, and had come to terms with it etc, but it seems to have come back to haunt me, also my best friend committed suicide last yr, i found her, cut her down and tried to resussitate her but it was too late, thought i was coping well with that too, do you think councelling would help? my doc has given me some numbers to call for councelling but i cant afford it, how do i get free therapy through the doctor?

Im so sorry for rambiling and you will probably all get bored reading it just had to get my thoughts down!!

Khirstie xx
Khirstie xx



This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

Did u get my pm hun u ok?

[anx mum]

Did u get my pm hun? U ok?

[purplehaze]

Fear of death effects so many people. so many when they are right in the storm of a panic attack think they are about to die. You have also went through a very, very tough time with the loss of your partner and I have no doubt that has caused you so much stress. You may not have dealt with the emotional side of this and as some have said on the post, it would be good to talk about it.

But in the mean time try and accept what your doctor has said to you. Our own thought process gets so confused when we have all this fear running around in our minds that most times we cant think straight.

Your boss by law has to listen to you and if you contact CAB they will give you more information on this. I know of others who when they feel a panic can leave their desk etc and compose themselves.
This is a difficult time for you but keep focused and believe that you will overcome this because you will

hugs

[SINGLE_DADDY]

khirstie71 ,

Hi I'm Bo. I just joined this site today and reading how you are feeling makes me so sad for you. I too have the exact same problems as you. I have had the blood work, the EKG's, and even a stress echo and an ultrasound on my heart by on of the top Cardio Docs in the state I live in here in the US. I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT DYING, its gonna be okay. My dad's father died of a heart attack at 39, my dad has had 2 strokes and my daughters and I were abandoned by my ex wife 6 years ago so I know the pain you feel. I wish I could feel normal again too. I will pray for you as I do for myself. I just want you to to know it will be okay oneday, this will go away. The tests you got came back GOOD for a reason and that reason is to show you that you are okay. And whats funny is as I type this I am crying because I know that tonite at 3 or 4 am I will awake with a pounding heart and a tight chest and will feel exactly as you do now. GOD ALL MIGHTY PLEASE BLESS US ALL!!!!!!!!

[Chips]

Your'e not alone with these thoughts and your'e not going mad. I have death anxiety every day - I think every day is my last. I have convinced myself I could die just by thinking about it. I also get very anxious and depressed thinking that one day I have to die and leave loved ones behind. However, at the end of the day all these thoughts are brought on by anxiety. It's hard to see that when your'e in the midst of it with overwhelming emotions and fear, but you have to believe that you're safe and the body you have is very tough. Nature won't allow you to die just like that -no matter what your thoughts tell you or how much you panic. Youv'e been through a lot. Maybe ask your GP to refer you to the community mental health team. They are very helpful and have a lot more expertise and time than the GPs.

It's a bummer that we all have to die one day. But if we didn't, we would all live to see the end of the world and end up getting fried when the sun eventually explodes! Don't let the anxiety state of mind rob you of your happiness now. Like me, your natural protection against the fear of death has been temporarily lost but it will come back and you'll be fine. Be strong:hugs:

[nomorepanic]

We all have to die - it is what you do when you are alive that makes a difference so concentrate on that and make the most of life - we only have one chance!

[khirstie71]

ty everyone for all your comments, i am back to work today, going to give it a try and get back to some normality! im so nervous! not really had a lot of support from my boss, which makes things worse!, ended up in A&E last night cos id got myself in such a atate! convinced myself i was having a heart attack!, hate feeling like this, hoping going back to work will help keep my mind off things tho, thankyou everyone again
khirstie
xx

[hayley3]

hiya kirstie, i know where your coming from, like i have already told you before, i get the same thing, my doctors was crap, my partner did not understand, and i cant go to my mum cause she is trying to fight of her breast cancer at the mo, i always feel like today is my last, i wish i could come to peace with death, but i hate thought that i cant know if there was something with myself, not all cancers come out as a lump, im so scared that im going to drop down dead, thats why i am so scarred of the panic attacks, i hope we both can get throw this problem and enjoy our lives rather then live in fear that TODAY is the DAY x