dylankayaroberts
10-07-09, 14:34
Critical far to critical
:scared15:
The problems I have got are social anxiety, and agrophobia on scale of 100 per cent about 60 per cent not severe but not great either.
I'm intensely shy, always have been especially around new people, and that doesnt make it easier everytime that I go out, etc not that have to meet new people everytime go out but get very very wary, of others suspicious and demanding, critical of others behaviour its irrational of course but I put up barriers obstacles because of how people make me feel.
Have this tendency to have to avoid peoples stare, or eye contact looking down all the time and I'm not good with space being in other peoples space its like invading their area, their boundries like when running, go running by self, if can be motivated enough and see someone coming other way have to to bolt turn around then other way, or someone riding bike that direction its time to get out the way and fast, its like threat guess the adrenaline goes and then its fight or flight, but just cant seem to ride it out, have to avoid it its so much better, the relief.
This is of course just having the courage to say " f**k It" and just do it, but wish mind wouldnt resist so much and repel these postive affirmations like say " I'm going to just walk casually by everytime I do this its going to be easier" its " Here we go again, getting sick and tired of this."
The way it feels is like being exposed on stage like when get out of car in busy area feels like a big light is over me and all eyes are zoomed in, feel much to self consceuss about every move I make. Tried glasses perscription glasses but that doesnt always work, alot of this exposure is about desensitising sure but that takes time, and its hard to get into that state instantly, theres no magic button.
Theres this observing presence that is always there like Im being observed tested judged and it never seems to go away
Not sure why feel things so intensely, most people just look so together and content at ease, with the daily social race when all I can see is mountains, in front of me to get to where everyone is, like challenge after challenge to get the smallest of things done, the first step is always the hardest but its always like everything is a conspiracy of one, everything gets blown out of proportion and magnified so intensely.
Peoples ways, and mind games its so easy to just think of their minds as just the same as sometimes that is how it feels.
This social anxiety, avoidance stems from being outcasted and alone guess at school, in general always been a loner only child, no sisters brothers father figure so its always been hard going, without much social interest after 21 22, ie nightclubbing pubs, drinking, social mixing, have been an recluse although did drink to quite severly 6 to 8 cans carlsberg night to bring confidence relaxtion content etc.
This of course subdued the effects of venlafaxine and abused it, and it didnt do anxiety any favours or moods had some of the lowest, negative moments probably will ever go through during weeks of endless boozing.
This addiction was made harder by the fact lived in Guernsey an island where everything is overcrowded and theres to much immigration traffic housing crises etc couldnt go anywhere with so many issues, although could live quite comfortably with sickness pay and rent support
Then when came here in 05 because of a girl met online so came to be with her and her life things started to improve although hard to get any benefit for three half years only just got DLA. Took eight months almost year just to get national insurance number sorted.
The addiction became no better still taking in over 95 units week and the endless trips to tesco for beer in pouring rain werent fun.
Now although its hard dont need to urge to drink went month straight without not one unit, or drop although boredom creeps in alot can enjoy things without the need to guzzle endlessly.
Its getting better with the drink but alot of the old symptoms physical and mental keep coming back, sweating if walking somewhere will sweat buckets
However now that dont drink more then 5 units week now, its still very difficult to,deal with social settings, and cant let people in to flat, avoid answering phones, answering the door.
The ways that get around this are to put fingers in ears,or just lock self in kitchen till threat goes away girlfriend will do that part.
Just arent confident without drink, to critical and quiet, painfully quiet hae been told. Being shy it seems like its a curse, people dont seem to understand it a enigma mystery, just get outcasted or made to feel aloof weido.
Cant seem to get to grips with what want out of life, have alot to give but no direction, tried volunteering and got interview next week but again its not paid and want to get some independence and purpose, but with what seems like so much struggle, critisism, negative voices, pressure within getting up that mountain seems so distant and far away.
Tried anxiety management breathing control how to breathe probably with sigh breaths and controlled breathing breathing in through nose, and out through mouth although find breathing in through nose and out through the nose easier then out through the mouth.
See psycologist and basically its all well and good but the bottom line is its up to me to face up to things. No one can force me to do it, it has to be done by me.
Its that most times just feel so secure and safe where I am in the flat, cant be bothered to go out and get hazzled and harrassed by people which is what always get.
The CBT stuff is good, but challanging thoughts is hard and alot of the irrational stuff, like not finding out the evidence for nasty negative intrusive thoughts, writing down what I recognize thought distorted errors like magnification overgeneralizing labelling all or nothing thinking doesnt come very easy.
The stuff that currently do to help with anxiety is exercise daily, used to go riding bike but cant do that now as bike is broke and cant afford to fix it.
Want to join the gym but its money and being self conscouss swimming is great but so hard to pick right times when its quiet at leisure center.
Make sure dont go to hungry, hunger really tests the anxiety take beta blockers to take away that nasty hazzling feeling although they have side effects of drowsyness, and have become addicted to them, alot of breathing slowly, visualazation.
The other problem is that without a job, nothing solid like freelance work which love to do like drawing writing painting as have good artistic talent can rust out get stuck in a rut dwell on stuff, negative patterns come back again and again theres so much rubbish out there working from home scams etc so tired of going around in circles with it.
Going to round it up just wanted to try and get across how social anxiety general anxiety is a constant battle and so hard to manage.
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter
Last edited by dylankayaroberts
:scared15:
The problems I have got are social anxiety, and agrophobia on scale of 100 per cent about 60 per cent not severe but not great either.
I'm intensely shy, always have been especially around new people, and that doesnt make it easier everytime that I go out, etc not that have to meet new people everytime go out but get very very wary, of others suspicious and demanding, critical of others behaviour its irrational of course but I put up barriers obstacles because of how people make me feel.
Have this tendency to have to avoid peoples stare, or eye contact looking down all the time and I'm not good with space being in other peoples space its like invading their area, their boundries like when running, go running by self, if can be motivated enough and see someone coming other way have to to bolt turn around then other way, or someone riding bike that direction its time to get out the way and fast, its like threat guess the adrenaline goes and then its fight or flight, but just cant seem to ride it out, have to avoid it its so much better, the relief.
This is of course just having the courage to say " f**k It" and just do it, but wish mind wouldnt resist so much and repel these postive affirmations like say " I'm going to just walk casually by everytime I do this its going to be easier" its " Here we go again, getting sick and tired of this."
The way it feels is like being exposed on stage like when get out of car in busy area feels like a big light is over me and all eyes are zoomed in, feel much to self consceuss about every move I make. Tried glasses perscription glasses but that doesnt always work, alot of this exposure is about desensitising sure but that takes time, and its hard to get into that state instantly, theres no magic button.
Theres this observing presence that is always there like Im being observed tested judged and it never seems to go away
Not sure why feel things so intensely, most people just look so together and content at ease, with the daily social race when all I can see is mountains, in front of me to get to where everyone is, like challenge after challenge to get the smallest of things done, the first step is always the hardest but its always like everything is a conspiracy of one, everything gets blown out of proportion and magnified so intensely.
Peoples ways, and mind games its so easy to just think of their minds as just the same as sometimes that is how it feels.
This social anxiety, avoidance stems from being outcasted and alone guess at school, in general always been a loner only child, no sisters brothers father figure so its always been hard going, without much social interest after 21 22, ie nightclubbing pubs, drinking, social mixing, have been an recluse although did drink to quite severly 6 to 8 cans carlsberg night to bring confidence relaxtion content etc.
This of course subdued the effects of venlafaxine and abused it, and it didnt do anxiety any favours or moods had some of the lowest, negative moments probably will ever go through during weeks of endless boozing.
This addiction was made harder by the fact lived in Guernsey an island where everything is overcrowded and theres to much immigration traffic housing crises etc couldnt go anywhere with so many issues, although could live quite comfortably with sickness pay and rent support
Then when came here in 05 because of a girl met online so came to be with her and her life things started to improve although hard to get any benefit for three half years only just got DLA. Took eight months almost year just to get national insurance number sorted.
The addiction became no better still taking in over 95 units week and the endless trips to tesco for beer in pouring rain werent fun.
Now although its hard dont need to urge to drink went month straight without not one unit, or drop although boredom creeps in alot can enjoy things without the need to guzzle endlessly.
Its getting better with the drink but alot of the old symptoms physical and mental keep coming back, sweating if walking somewhere will sweat buckets
However now that dont drink more then 5 units week now, its still very difficult to,deal with social settings, and cant let people in to flat, avoid answering phones, answering the door.
The ways that get around this are to put fingers in ears,or just lock self in kitchen till threat goes away girlfriend will do that part.
Just arent confident without drink, to critical and quiet, painfully quiet hae been told. Being shy it seems like its a curse, people dont seem to understand it a enigma mystery, just get outcasted or made to feel aloof weido.
Cant seem to get to grips with what want out of life, have alot to give but no direction, tried volunteering and got interview next week but again its not paid and want to get some independence and purpose, but with what seems like so much struggle, critisism, negative voices, pressure within getting up that mountain seems so distant and far away.
Tried anxiety management breathing control how to breathe probably with sigh breaths and controlled breathing breathing in through nose, and out through mouth although find breathing in through nose and out through the nose easier then out through the mouth.
See psycologist and basically its all well and good but the bottom line is its up to me to face up to things. No one can force me to do it, it has to be done by me.
Its that most times just feel so secure and safe where I am in the flat, cant be bothered to go out and get hazzled and harrassed by people which is what always get.
The CBT stuff is good, but challanging thoughts is hard and alot of the irrational stuff, like not finding out the evidence for nasty negative intrusive thoughts, writing down what I recognize thought distorted errors like magnification overgeneralizing labelling all or nothing thinking doesnt come very easy.
The stuff that currently do to help with anxiety is exercise daily, used to go riding bike but cant do that now as bike is broke and cant afford to fix it.
Want to join the gym but its money and being self conscouss swimming is great but so hard to pick right times when its quiet at leisure center.
Make sure dont go to hungry, hunger really tests the anxiety take beta blockers to take away that nasty hazzling feeling although they have side effects of drowsyness, and have become addicted to them, alot of breathing slowly, visualazation.
The other problem is that without a job, nothing solid like freelance work which love to do like drawing writing painting as have good artistic talent can rust out get stuck in a rut dwell on stuff, negative patterns come back again and again theres so much rubbish out there working from home scams etc so tired of going around in circles with it.
Going to round it up just wanted to try and get across how social anxiety general anxiety is a constant battle and so hard to manage.
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter
Last edited by dylankayaroberts