Do I have depression aswell?????

[clsmith9]

hi everyone, i was hoping for some reassurance really. I have been having panic attacks and anxiety for 8 weeks or so, the first one being the worst where i ended up at hospital. i didnt get out of bed for a week after that but then i thought "get on with it" and started attempting my daily tasks. then aout 4 weeks ago i had this one day where i felt so low that the anxiety had ruined my life and i would never get better. my head hurt so much and i just wanted it to stop working for a bit. i had thoughts of "if i got hit by a bus would that be so bad?". i then decided that i needed to see my doctor as these thoughts terrified me. I am now having CBT and im taking st johns wort. to be honest the fact that im taking st johns wort is worrying me too because it works as an ssri and apparently in those younger than 24 it can cause suicide. my point is that after that day 4 weeks ago i didnt really have these thoughts again until these last couple of days. its strange becuase my anxiety is improving, things i couldnt do 2 weeks ago i am now doing and it is getting better. however the last couple of days ive started thinking that i have no interests or thinking "how do i be normal", nothing is making me happy and normal agin, then i thought oh no im thinking these thoughts does this mean i dont like my life, im going downhill again, i havent thought these thoughts for 4 weeks so why am i thinkiing them again, does this mean im getting worse and im going to end up as one of those suicidal people?

the fact is im scared to become that way. i do not want to get to that point. i think im having anxiety about uncontrollably harming myself. my mum said its because im getting over my usual anxieties that im finding something new to worry about. its probaly important to note that ive just finished my degree and been made redundant from my job too so i am not doing anything at the minute. maybe this is why i cant see my future because i have nothing planned?????

i suppose my future seems full of panic to me. the thought of marrying my boyfriend panics me because i dont want ppl looking at me, the thought of having kids scares me becuase i am a wimp and cant handle pain lol.

i just want to know if this is just my anxiety or whether i am starting with depression and am i going to get worse and kill myself due to the ssri's???

it sounds so stupid because at the moment i would not do that, i dont want to kill myself and this is the point. im scared of becoming like that.

i look forward to replies and i hope u (the reader) r feeling well.

xxx

[june]

:hugs: Hi, I am feeling bad at the moment dizzy / nausea / weak legs scared to go out. Sitting crying with frustration / angry with myself for being "like this":weep: :weep: :weep:
I am not on meds (scared of them too:blush: ))
BUT BUT when i look back at diary sheets and previous posts by me----- i have had ALL this before.
It is not any easier to deal with it today EVEN knowing i had it before - if i could have got app with my doc this morning he would probably have said anxiety and IBS cause for your upset.
He and i both know this is a VERY vicious circle and i cannot (at the moment) break out of it.
SO don't be toooo hard on your self read "symptoms" and "panic" on left of screen - lots of GOOD info on there.
Best wishes
June
:hugs:

[clsmith9]

hi june, thansk for taking time to reply. im sorry your not feeling too clever. if you are feeling a bit funny at the moment, try brething in through your nose for 1 elephant, 2 elephant, 3 elephant then out through your mouth for 4 elephant, 5 elephant, 6 elephant. do this for at least 3 minutes and the dizzies will go away (dnt take too deep of a breathe though). these tips r what my thereapist gave me and usully work although i know that sometimes nothing will work lol and you have to let time pass. im trying a new approach. every negative thought that i have im pretending that it is someone else telling it me, ive given that person a name tht makes me laugh - hoolio lol. now when i think negative thoughts i say , sod off hoolio lying to me again. for the majority of my day this works for me but as i said at those bad periods it doesnt. maybe you should try it. another thing that makes me a bit better is looking at silly news on google, or jokes. try calling somebody that makes you laugh. i also sometimes think, right im going to feel this way for 3 hrs and then im getting on with my day. i hope you feel better later but think of it this way, when ur crying and feeling this bad, its getting the boohoo's out which may lead to a much better day tomorrow. god i really cant wait for everday to be a good day again.

xx

[june]

:hugs: thank you it is nice to get a personal answer - plus one that makes you smile as well. I have not heard the routine of the elephants:yesyes: at lot less boring than the usual advice.
Any new approach is worth a try :yesyes:
I hope you are feeling better
Best wishes
June
:hugs: