Not Coping and Feeling Very Unhappy

[sal]

As most of you will know Simon has now being living with Sam and me for a few months. It has being great and i have loved every minute of him being with us, even through the teething problems. But at the moment it seems to be going a bit pear shaped. I am trying and i would be the first to admit if i wasnt as i know it is never handed on a plate. At the moment i am finding it so hard trying to compete between Sam and Simon. Sam loves Simon to bits and does alsorts for her and supports me with regards to child care etc. But now and then and more often recently he finds it hard to grasp the mother/daughter closeness. I am in no way knocking him as he has no children of his own, so he only deserve admiration for what he does for Sam. But i feel torn. He admits his single life has left him selfish but to the point when he takes it out on me. Simple things to him and comments to him that are meaningless but to me it hurts. It is stupid things like for example i went on computer the other night when i was a rest day the next day,and he huffed saying i should be spending time with him, although he uses the computer more than me.

Sam is getting a new bed tomorrow, but i am a 13 hours shift and today was a 6 start so decided last night to take her old bed out and change her room round. Instead of Simon being happy i had done it rather than leaving it to him (miss independence did kick in there) he took a huff on me as Sam would have to sleep with me tonight as she has no bed in room, so again thinking of himself not what i had done to sort out Sams roon.

Dont get me wrong i am not being ungrateful but i am really struggling at the moment and it is making me feel ill. Hence i have taken diazepam the last few days. I feel i am trying to keep Sam happy as i always have and also Simon on the same wave length as Sam. But nobody asks what i want. I would never expect Sam to ask that she is only 10 but Simon isnt and i need him to be with me and not adding to how hard it is bringing up a young child.

We talked about Christmas the other day and Sam said what she would like to do, and yes i am at work again but have managed before but Simon wants to go to his parents. I am not bothered where i go after work but i have had my childhood and that decision to me is what Sam wants to do within reason. She is the child here and not Simon but feel they are competing and i am getting to the stage where i am so anxious that i dont know what to do. I was an early shift today at work and knowing he was at home when i came in at 12 after an argument last night that i wont go into as dont want to ramble on i would have prefered to stay at work and knowing i was coming home i felt tearful and sick all day.

Reading this it does sound harsh, but it isnt meant to be against Simon as i love him, it is more me asking for how best to handle this and at the moment i am lost in which way to turn apart from walking away from it, but i know i have done that before and i know that isnt the solution because we do love each other.

Sorry to ramble on and would appreciate any support.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[bionic_man]

never give up and resolve your differences now or you will lose a beautiful thing beleive i feel as if i have lost all of mine


try a bit of tlc it never ever hurts to ask for a bit of help

S_A

[kairen]

Hi sal,

my sis is in the same situation as you but a few years along the line, she met her partner when my neice was only 3, but he has no experience of children. he has been a good dad figure to her, but they have had many arguements over the sitution as it is not his daughter, its hard as my sis always feels in the middle, and yes her partner and her daughter do compete for her attention, and what is hard for any man coming into any relationship where there is a child involved, the child always comes first, a hard thing for a new partner to accept,

im sure Sal you have a good man there and you will work things out

kairen x

[Piglet]

Hi Sal,

Yep like Kairen my sister is in this situation too. It must be so hard for all concerned to get it right. I can see it from all points actually but empathise best with you.

Have you ever said any of this stuff to him as it may help to clear the air. I hate it if we have any rows at home and it must be hard to go off to work feeling upset.

Love Piglet xx

[bionic_man]

i usually find that a good sit down and let the tears flow works for me and my G/F sounds nasty but we are just too old to let it slip away and we have become a stronger item at times after a good flooding of the tear ducts together
Christ we all have our problems but life is just to short to through away a chance to be happy and besides your worries sounds like Simon is a tip top chap under all that huff stuff dont let go just work it out

ha ha ha silly heres me with two ex wives under the belt but hey ho its only a little bit of how my mind works

S_A

S_A

[Karen]

Hi Sal

Sorry you are not feeling too good at the moment. There is always going to be a period of adjustment when someone new enters your life, particularly when you have been used to coping alone for so long and when Simon doesn't have children of his own. It is a learning curve for both of you.

Although there might be ups and downs along the way, if you both love each other and keep working together and finding ways you can both compromise to make the relationship work, then I am sure you will find a way through this.

You have been doing really well Sal and I know you will come through this too.

We are here for you.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[pips]

Hi Sal hun,

Sorry it's a struggle at the moment mate.

Maybe you could sit down with Simon and explain how you feel and that you do what him involved and are really pleased for everything he does. But explain that it feels competative for you and you wanted to discuss it with him to see how we could resolve it.

He sounds like an amicable understanding guy.

I do hope you sort something out. Here for you if you need me sweetie.

Take good care hun,

Loasda Love hugs and PMT coming your way!

PIP'S X X X X

[Sarah-Jane]

Hi Sal

Sorry your feeling down at the moment. Love and communication will get you through this babe. Am thinking of you and hope you get this sorted soon.



Love & Hugs from Sarah-Jane xxxx

[april tones]

hi, remember me? havent been on in ages. dont know what to say, your not in the wrong though. daughter comes first. love aprilxx

apriltones

[lainey]

Hi Sal

You are right in that Sam must come first at the moment, eventually it will balance out as you all adjust to living with each other.
Living with someone is totally different to going out with them and there are bound to be teething problems, have you tried talking to Simon about how you feel, getting it all out of your system might help you feel better.
You will get through this chuck.

Take care

Elaine x

[sal]

Thank you all for your replies. It has being great to see that you understand. Over the last week it has got so much better but still having a few teething problems. It is hard adjusting to not being alone again.l

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[pips]

Glad things have improved hun,

Thinking of you mate.

Take good care,

Love & Hugs,

PIP'S X X XX

[bluebottle]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">It is hard adjusting to not being alone again.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Any new relationship faces this problem. Especially when we anxiety sufferers tend to withdraw inside ourselves and push others out.

Good luck Sal.

--
Blue -
"Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it."