Hello

[Funky Mum]

Health anxiety bought me to the site but now I'm wondering if I'm more depressed.
I had a panic attack which bought on the HA but I don't seem to worry the same way other people do, I don't worry about symptoms or diseases I just get to the evening when its quiet and then I just feel anxious and have a feeling of dread and doom, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Death frightens me and I worry because I have young children and I feel depressed about getting old (40 this year :weep: )
I've just had a good cry because I feel so down, and it took me ages to go to sleep last night then I was woken at 5.30am by my son going to work and then I couldn't get back to sleep.
I don't have any family near by so its just be and my toddler all day, and I don't really have friends to have a coffee with - just school gate chat, so I'm starnig at the same walls all day.
I'm upping my exercise to lose weight and also to help how I feel but that in itself is hard to do and I feel so overwhelmed by it all. A small town doesn't offer many places to go :unsure:
I've now rung my dr and will speak to him this afternoon, but on the phone I usually sound quite bright - its a flaw of mine :D Phoning in sick at work was always hard when I sounded bright as a button but felt at death's door.
Anyway just wanted to say hello and feel like I was actually talking to another adult :blush:

[clsmith9]

hey dont worry i am the same as u but without the toddler and nothing to do. i am worse at night, if the sun is shining im bit better but when its raining, thundering or nightime i am no good at all. at first i felt anxious and had anxiety or no reason and couldnt think of exacty what i was worrying about, then it maifested into health anxiety. when your head starts its filing system and gets a bit clearer, you will start to actually obsess and worry about something in particular, even if it ridiculous like having a cancerous mole, stopping breathing! it may be that your head is so confused at the minute that you dont know what type of anxiety it is and that the confusion and muggled head is making you feel depressed. if you havent already,speak to your doctor, i promise just a 5 minute chat with your doc will mke your head feel clearer already. ask him about CBT. xxxx

[Funky Mum]

Will do thanks.
I used to worry about my heart as I was getting palpitations but reading the info on here and having a 24 hour monitor has helped with that, now I just have the general fear and dread of getting old/leaving my kids.

[clsmith9]

i think thats because all of ur life is about your kids. all my life was about was uni and work. now thats done im lost, i only started with anxiety/depression when uni finished and i had nothing to do.

the thing is if you make one thing your life, when that thing goes, u have no life. if you make ur life about a couple of things, u will still have something left when one thing goes. maybe u dont have much time due to being a mummy but what about doing something where you can take them aswell. do u have like a local centre or something where u can spend an hr or two helping other ppl. what about researching your family tree or something that you are interested in other than being a mum. what did u used to like doing before tou had ids, can u do any of it now? x

[Funky Mum]

The dr made an appt for me to see someone face to face and I saw a wonderful dr. I blubbed as I'm sure more people do, but she was fantastic - took her time with me and talked things through. She's given me Citalopram 20 and is going to ring me in 2 weeks to see how I am.
Feeling very strange since I took one but I've read there can be all sorts of side effects :(
Anyway I'm hoping its the first step to me getting better.

[SLINKY]

I know what you mean about sounding ok on the phone lol, I do it everytime! Phoning in sick my boss would say "oh hi how are you?" to which I would always reply "oh Im fine thanks!" in a cheery tone before going on to say I wont be coming in coz Im ill! I do it at the docs too they always try and trick you by casually asking how your are before you've sat down then before you know it you're telling them you're fine when you're not!:blush:

I am a stay at home mum with a 21 month old girl, also feel like I have no friends but I think with me thats part of my problem, I assume everyone has their own friends and wouldnt be interested in getting to know me or on a bad day I would just sit and cry about how no one even knows I exist and if they do they hate me anyway! :weep: Sounds so silly when I thing about it though.

I live in a small village and have really tried to go to every mum and baby group there is, I also go to lots of events at local indoor soft play areas but meeting other Mums can be hard. They all seem to be doing their own thing and coping with having a baby perfectly and it makes you feel like no one else is going through PND or similar feelings.

PM me if you fancy a chat! I know how it is talking 'toddler' all day, you forget you're an adult sometimes and not just a slave to the baby lol :) Ive been on citalopram too, hope your side affects dont last too long, theyre tough at first but its really helped me so stick with it!