Screwed myself up using drugs

[Tector Gorch]

Hi,

I'm 41, and have been suffering from severe anxiety-related problems for about three months now. They all came on after I took a hefty dose of ecstasy one weekend, having abused recreational drugs, including E, weed and, of course, good old-fashioned alcohol, on and off for many years - without any apparent ill effect. Thought I was invincible!

My problems have included:

At first, thinking I was dying of a heart attack - chest pain, hyperventilation, pains in my arm and jaw etc. Actually went to casualty and had an ECG, which reassured me that my heart was fine. But this episode was followed by -

Numbness in my face and arms, electric shock sensations in my arms and legs, back pain, nausea, dizziness, odd creeping feelings up and down my spine, a general feeling of doom and impending disaster which lasted for hours, sometimes days, and - worst of all - these really weird mental feelings and sensory experiences - like looking at my hands or body and thinking they didn't belong to me, or that things just weren't quite "right" somehow. Really scary.

I know I'm an utter fool, and the architect of my own misery, but it's been 3 months now, and although I've quit all the drugs, even booze, and started living healthily for a few weeks now, I'm still getting these odd symptoms, although they seem to be lessening very slightly.

Anybody else out there experienced anything similar, and have I messed up my brain for good, or will I eventually get back to "normal", whatever that is??!!

Trying to stay positive

Tector

[Meg]

Hi Tector

Don't be quite so hard on yourself - we've all done things we know are not good for us.. the best thing is that you recognise it now and are setting about making amends.

They usually ease over time and you will regain your health.

Look after yourself really well for the best possible outcome.
sleep, exercise, diet, relaxation, supplements may all assist in that.

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/symptoms.htm






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi Tector

A big warm welcome to you.

As meg has said don't be to hard on yourself.

Hope we can all help.



MANDIE XX

Will I ever escape this?
Will I ever be free?
Wake me up from this nightmare.
Please just give me the key!

[trac67]

Hi Tector,
Welcome to the forum, i agree with the others dont be so hard on yourself, we learn by our mistakes in life.
Take care,
Trac xx

its "just a thought"

[seh1980]

Welcome aboard Tector!! Hope we can offer you some good support :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[denise84]

hi and welcome to the site, i have had panic attacks for nearly 3 years now, and i do blame it all on taking e's. i would take them twice a week and think i was fine, and my depression i think is also down to taking them as after taking them as u know u are coming down from them and feel almost suicidal,then the feeling goes until the next time u take them. i have went through the same feelings as u and they are all anxiety/panic attack related. they have clamed down alot now though and just get the odd feeling of unreality now and again. things do get better, and i needed alittle help from medication, are u on any medication?

dmcgovern

[Gareth]

Hi Tector,

I am 31. About 9 years ago, while at university, I took acid and although the trip was fine, I had an anxiety reaction for many weeks afterwards. I just didn't feel right. I had symptoms of dizziness, blotches in front of eyes, internal shakes, slurring speech, unsteadiness on my feet.

These gradually went over time. I have been a very minor recreational drug user (weed, small amounts of coke, 2 ecstacy experiences) over the years since, but I would say a pretty heavy alcohol drinker (social drinker every weekend).

In March of this year I woke up feeling anxious, and have had a general sense of anxiety ever since, with some physical symptoms, similar to the ones I had all those years ago. I've had depression and a pretty horrible time of it. I've tried to stay positive but I know that its hard.

For months I obsessed about the one acid trip I took all those years ago, believing I had broken my mind forever, that it was all down to me, that I would never have a normal life. I had created an association in my mind, even though logically the acid had nothing to do with it (it was NINE years ago...!) But the association is easy to make and I've read about many ex-drug users who have done the same thing.

The feelings of anxiety are quite similar to those that you get when you are coming up on acid/ecstacy, and I think that that is the reason why the association can be made.

Drugs can be a trigger, I don't think there is any doubt about it. But so can many, many things. A car crash, a slap round the face, anything.

The reality of my recent anxiety is that I had had 2 bloomin awful years of stress including money trouble, redundancy, 2 house buys, marriage, family strife, you name it. All of these things welled up and up until I snapped one day. It was in a way easier for my mind to grab onto the acid experience because there was so much other bad stuff going on.

Look at the millions of people who take E and never have a problem. I would wager a lot of money that you have probably always been a fairly anxious person anyway, and something was always going to trigger an anxiety reaction in you. This is how I think about myself now - it simply isn't helpful to believe that a drug has "ruined my brain".

Your strategy for getting over your anxiety is exactly the same as the many people on this board who have never touched recreational drugs. Think about it - your symptoms are the same, therefore your way forward is the way.

Drop the worry about the E - its done now. I know how hard it is, but you've got no choice. Its time to change lifestyle, change thoughts, and perhaps take a bit of stock of your life.

PM me if you'd like to chat more.

You CAN get over this, you are permanently broken, but you do need to make some changes,

be well,
Gareth

*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***

[Tector Gorch]

Thanks for the messages of support everybody, especially from Gareth. I think one of the most helpful things about the little I've seen of this forum so far (I'm very new, as you can tell!) is gaining reassurance from others who've been through the same/similar experiences and are coming through the other side and getting better.

I can't help blaming myself for being such a fool with the drugs, but I do recognise that recovery consists of accepting that the past is done and gone, and that I've just got to accept it, move on and stay positive, putting into practice all the good advice I've found here.

It's just really tough when, each day I think I'm starting to feel better, then suddenly a panic attack comes out of left field, blam! , for no reason at all, and I think, s**t, it's happening all over again - or even worse, I just feel "weird" all day - from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep.

The really terrifying thing is the fear that it'll never go away. But I think I'm starting to learn that it will, over time. I hope.

[Karen]

Hi Tector

Welcome to the forum.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[EmmaJane]

Hi Tector,
Welcome to the forum, give your self time, and in time you will learn to cope with the panic attacks.

Good luck

Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.

Emma xx

Keep focused, keep positive.

[april tones]

hi tector. i have put my story on inrtoduce now. i used to come on here alot but havent for ages. i did ecstacy,speed,weed,majic mush and heroin once!
it affected me bad! im ok now though but still egt depression on and off but i do ahve fibromylagia whcih does give symptoms like depression whcih is funny as doctors kept fobbing me off with, oh its depression, but i have been there and done that, i know what symptoms of depression and anxiety are! it odes get better! i thought my brain would be awful but if it reasures you i had mri of brain and it was normal! haha xx

apriltones

[clickaway]

Hi Tector and welcome,

There are some very encouraging posts on this thread already.

Yes, look to the future - we have anxiety for all sorts of reasons. And they have already happened.

Onwards and Upwards,

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[tranzgression]

Live heathy for a few weeks and you will be fine. Ecstasy creates a temporary impalance in your seratonin levels. When your high it makes your seratonin peak, when your not high anymore people can become depressed, anxious, etc... until those levels are allowed to naturally return to normal. It will simply take some time for you body to re-adjust.

[FRANKIEISBACK]

I have used lots of drugs , I now occasionally have a smoke, prehaps at xmas or special occasions, its NOT a good idea to abuse alcohol or drugs , a medical expert told me that lots of people use drugs but people who experience anxiety need to be very careful.

You havnt damaged yourself, what you have is anxiety symtoms and you will feel better.

But you have to take care and taking lots of drugs is not healthy, dont be hard on yourself, many people never get to the stage of accepting that you do need to love yourself, but like the ex smoker dont be hard on yourself if you have the odd beer too many or smoke a joint once in a blue moon

[jill]

Hi Tector,

WELCOME TO THE SITE,
As you can see there are lots of nice people here who
will help and support you.
You have to learn to let go of the past, don't keep going
over and over in your head with it, Mrs Anixety loves this
and she will feed on your fear. You CAN learn how to get
better, it just takes alot of hard work support and time.
Keep pushing those positive thoughts in Tector.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

Don't dwell on what went wrong instead,
focus on what to do next.
Spend your energies on moving forward.

[desperate]

Hi Tector,

we all make 'mistakes' so dont be hard on yourself, you are here now and making progress to feeling better,

good luck,

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression

[Elaine1]

Hi Tector

A big welcome to the site.

Like many of the other replies, please try not to be too hard on yourself.

Think positive and look to the future.

all the best


Elaine

[Tector Gorch]

Thanks everybody, I feel a whole lot better knowing that I'm not alone, and have the support of folk on this forum (which is brilliant, by the way, I only wish my doctor had told me about this rather than just giving me beta blockers!), and that other people have come through bad experiences like mine.

Keep up the good work everybody!

Thanks

Tector

[michelleann]

hi tector
welcome to the site, a few years ago i had a bad anxiety reaction to some speed i tried, scared the living daylights out of me and have never took anything since. hope you feel better knowing that you are not alone on this.
take care
michelle xxx

[Cinders4]

Hi, yes we all make mistakes, and whos to say, you werent going to be an anxious sort anyway. There are many of us with the same symptons as you on this site, and the way we got here doesnt really matter, the fact is we are all at the same place now.

Welcome, give yourself a break and take the support given to you on this site,,,,, its a lifesaver HONEST x

[Meg]

Hi Tector,

I was wondering how you were doing a few weeks on from all this ?




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Tector Gorch]

Hi Meg,

Thanks for your concern.

I'm a lot better now. I'm living clean and healthily, and am exercising a lot. Most of the physical symptoms have gone, but I'm still experiencing weird mental sensations: my head feels "fugged up", and it's like I'm looking at life "back to front" sometimes, or my hands are the wrong way round. Bizarre. And these symptoms seem to persist for quite a few days at a time, sometimes as long as a whole week, then suddenly I'll wake up one morning and my head will be clear.

It's really helped reading some of the experiences of fellow sufferers here, which has convinced me that there are as many different "versions" of anxiety symptoms as there are people suffering from it!

So, not out of the woods yet, but can see the light.

Tector

[Meg]

That good news that it's improving steadily .

Well done on all your work and perseverence.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[hmcgowan]

Ur not the only one with these 'wierd' feelings.

I started having these wierd feelings when I was 11 and even though Im not having them as bad now I tend to find myself looking at my hands sometimes and am confused as to whether they are mine.

Sounds wierd but when ur having one of these funny feelings it freaks you out so much you dont know what is real and what isnt and i tend to focus on my hands and tell myself that they belong to me and that it is me that is making them move and by concentrating on them it seems to bring me back to some sort of normality.

H McGowan