Hey, I've just found out I have cancer phobia!

[Ophelia105]

Gosh - I thought it was just me! I never realsied that other people felt like this - and I am old enough to know better than that!

What a site this is - I have spent ages reading some of the posts and realised I am not alone - just realising that has made me feels loads better ( is that a selfish response knowing other people feel as bad as I do?)

I didn't know what I have is health anxiety or more specifically cancer phobia..

Now I think of my symptons over the years it all adds up - the first time I was convinced I had breast cancer was nearly 20 years ago - the dr didn;t find anything etc etc.

But it has never really gone away - I have convinced myself I have throat cancer globus (hystericalis?), bowel cancer (IBS) , cervical / ovarian cancer (normal between period spotting), skin cancer (a lump thing on my arn which I can't remember the name of but is not 'sinister') but at the moment it is breast cancer - again. The last time I went to the dr with the HA symptons was three years ago - I cried so much - and she said - if you are that worried then why not come sooner... (because I daren't!)

I remember on one of my birthdays - probably about 4 or 5 years ago I was having a meal with friends in a Thai and feeling miserable as I had convinced myself I was going to die soon from cancer..

And still it goes on - I have a strange relationship with my right breast in particular - this is the one I am convinced is going to have 'it'. It twinges, and aches and feels different to the other one but hey, it has done for years and years so that rally must be part of the anxiety...

I have felt so many lumps and bumps although I hardly dare to a 'proper' check - the most recent this last week and I have had at least 2 sleepness nights with it already. I suspect it is an insect bite but that doesn't really help although rationally I know the lump has practically disappeared..

So that's me - tuned into every time the word 'cancer' is used - the thought that goes through my head when I hear it is 'well they have it so there is no reason why I won't have it...'

Sometimes I believe that even if I haven't got it then I will convince my body I have it and then I my body will oblige...

I am looking forward to using this site to try and get my anxiety under some sort of control - I think I also have a dr phobia..as I daren't even go and put my mind at rest as this time it might be true and I have got 'it'

Even writing this has been very cathartic and hopefully tonight I will have a good night's rest knwoing that I am not alone in this..

[Trapped]

You are certainly not alone, I am exactly the same.

[Ophelia105]

Hi Trapped - thnx for reply...

I suspect my phobia came from watching a television show years and years ago - it was a Sunday show called Credo and there was a man talking about when he found a lump on his back...and you can guess the rest...

Other times I have thought I have had cancer have been coming back to me.. mouth cancer ( once was gum disease and another time was a wisdom tooth), skin cancer (a mole which hadn't changed at all since I had it..) finger cancer (is there such a thing? a sharp pain in my finger which went away after two days..) brain tumour (any headache...) ovarian cancer (twinge which was probably ovulation..) and so it goes on..

I also know that the women's mags don't help (Bella, Best, Chat etc) with their continual stories of people finding out they have cancer - my favourite was a recnt one titled ...'lettuce found my cancer'...apparently she had an obsession with eating lettuce which turned out to be an indicator of some sort of cancer....like i need to obsess over my lettuce intake now...


And also Casualty etc..

Kylie Minogue is the same age as me...that was a bad time ...particularly as the drs missed it at first...

All I need now is a game plan to deal with this...

[steven67]

join the club the big c is my main ha fear,for myself my family and friends it has really taken its toll on me this last 5 years take care