expecto patronum
14-07-09, 17:15
I feel so anxious and like I can't do it, all my social anxiety and worry feels like it has come crashing down on me today, and what if the same thing happens tomorrow? I've done loads of hard work for this and now I'm so scared that my anxiety is going to ruin it all. Sorry, I need to explain what I'm talking about: I am in a job that I hate at the moment, there is this woman who's my boss, and I get so anxious because whatever I do she always seems to find something to critisize - (surely even someone without anxiety would find that soul-destroying?) It has really lowered my self-esteem even further. She basically makes me feel that I'm s**t at my job, to the point that I haven't even felt any motivation to look for another job, because why would anyone else want to employ me? But recently I have felt a bit more positive, and like I do have something to offer. I decided to apply for a better job at the same company, even though I didn't think I would get an interview and I was worried that people would laugh at me for thinking that I could do the job. I heard on Friday that I had got an interview. I was really happy, but my other boss, who will be making the decision, asked me to help with another set of interviews today (taking care of people when they arrived). Anyway I convinced myself that this was some sort of test and I *must* do it really well to stand a chance at the interview. Anyway, I found it really hard because I have quite severe social anxiety, especially when I feel under pressure. I think I did the thing OK, but I felt so horrible afterwards (and during) that I have just had a major panic. I am panicking mostly because I feel too anxious now to work really quickly, and I am terrified that if I don't get all the little jobs finished for tomorrow when my nasty boss comes in, she will be angry and complain about me (again) to the other boss who will be interviewing me!!!! I know that they both know that I was helping with today's interviews until about 2.30, but my boss (nasty one) will still find something to moan about! Also I *would* have got more done if I wasn't feeling like this. arrrgh :doh: Also having a day like this after several good ones makes me question whether I would be able to do a potentially more challenging job, but when I am in the right frame of mind and thinking more positively, I am sure that I could do it: so I don't know which to believe!
Also, I have put on the application form that I have an anxiety disorder, and I'm scared because these are people I work with already, and I've just 'come out' about my anxiety on the form, and they're bound to ask me questions about it, and what if I cry in the interview when I have to talk about it!?
Hope this makes some sense, any advice appreciated thanks.
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Also, I have put on the application form that I have an anxiety disorder, and I'm scared because these are people I work with already, and I've just 'come out' about my anxiety on the form, and they're bound to ask me questions about it, and what if I cry in the interview when I have to talk about it!?
Hope this makes some sense, any advice appreciated thanks.
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter