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jude
17-09-05, 08:45
Can anyone please tell me how depersonalisation can be such a master of deciept.
Why can it constantly make me believe that I have some unknown problem that no-one else has ever had.

Although many different people have tried to explain how it feels, it is almost impossible because when you try to pinpoint exactly what it feels like, words fail you and you end up with a mental block.

For instance, when I am ditracted, I forget about dp, then as soon as I stop it returns. I then wonder which was conscious thought, the time when distracted or the dp time. When I sit down and try to relax, the dp thoughts kick in and I cant stop them. My mind resorts to trying to work it all out and in makes me feel physically ill. Sick to my stomach!

How do other people go on with life without thinking about how your mind works. How do they just 'let it work'.
None of this makes any sense does it. People just 'be'. They dont question it, so why do I?

How can you feel as though you are not here. Why does your mind get into such a tangle. Why cant I 'feel' myself. Why do I panic when I think of 'me'.

Why does your mind feel, at times, like there is a party going on in it. So busy! I wake in the morning and feel as though my dreams are still going on in my head. Even though I am awake.

All these feelings are driving me insane...or are they?
How do we break free from this circle? Round and round we go, coming back to the same place...no escape.

If you too get these problems, please let me know. I really could do with some help here. Depersonalisation is beating me to a pulp and I cant do a thing about it.

Jude x

Be gentle with yourself....you just need some time to heal.

suzuki
17-09-05, 09:31
Hi Jude,
Its Sue here. Just read your post; and as you already know i can relate to exactly how you feel.To me the time when you wern't distracted is the time the DP comes in. Thats how it si for me. Also if i'm tired or getting more anxious about something the DP is worse.
We do analyse "everything" too much Jude especially when we are in this acute state, which of course doesn't help either. Like you i just want to "be" and get on and enjoy life. I can't remember Jude do you travel far?. I know you go to the coast in the hols.
"Why do i panic when i think of me" been there too (that is the most terrifying part of the DP) so aware of your "being".
"I wake in the morning and feel as though my dreams are still going on in my head; even though i'm awake". Its so spooky Jude its exactly the same as i feel. What we can really do about it i don't know its so exhausting though (We are both so stuck in our heads). I notice when i watch TV people i have a problem thinking people are ghosts and i try n look inside them then frighten myself n wonder if i'm here.
Like you Jude it drives me to distraction and i get very low . I'm actually going to try new meds suggested and pray they gaive me some relief and very few side effects (even for a just a break from all this Jude). Speak to you soon Jude love Suex

jammiebasket
17-09-05, 10:11
Hi Jude,

I too can totally understand what your saying, DP is one of my main symptoms and definatly one of my worst. My man started work this week past and all week I have been running about like a nutter cause I am soo frightend that if I stop I will realise that I am on my own and the DP will be really bad. See I too doubt my sanity with it. I constantly over analyze everything and overthink the simplest of things. I frighten my self sometimes and being that frightend and on my own with my 3 kids is the worst I start to doubt my self as a mother and if I can look after them! Which then depresses me really bad.

Unfortunatly I don't have the answers to your questions and would love to know the answers myself. Honestly though I don't think any one can answer these questions, no-one really knows much about DP. I think it's just a case of finding our own personal way of coping, mine being that I run about daft untill I fall asleep dead on my feet in the evening. Probably not the best way of dealing with it but it's the only way I can cope.

sorry I couldn't be of any help

Take Carexx

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

florence
17-09-05, 10:28
Hi Jude

I really feel for you here, I can relate a lot to what you're saying, as my main anxiety symptom is depersonalisation/ derealisation, I know its horrible. And it can last for months too.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">words fail you and you end up with a mental block.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I am the same, I know exactly how it feels but then , to describe it, I cant find any words.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> Why cant I 'feel' myself.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I've been there too a lot, feels like you're a nobody, transparent. The problem is you're well aware of it, it's mental torture.

Like you say, keeping busy is the best way to keep distracted from it, when I work, I sometimes get so absorbed by what I have to do, that I forget sometimes about my anxiety, momentary of course. But it's good.

I really hope you'll feel better soon.
Take care.
Florence.

*He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more, He who loses faith, loses all.*

LisaS
17-09-05, 12:53
Hi jude,

as you can see you are not alone.. this was the first symptom for me and the last to go.. the thing is, it doesn't scare me anymore.. I think before I didn't know what it was and what was happening, now I know that it is a symptom of anxiety, it doesn't make me feel so 'its just me' anymore.. It doesnt' stop it happening though, but i'm not afraid of it, and I think as long as i'm not afriad it will gradually lose it and forget how it was..
I think my main problem is 'testing' to see if its still there.. I know its awful and when trying to explain it to the psychiatrist I felt sure he was going to lock me up there and then! its the feeling like you're not actually here, or is anything.. very odd.. my husband says some people pay money to feel like that!
another thing to get rid of it is to do something 'real', go to the loo, drink something, splash yourself with water, talk on the phone, even the elastic/hair band on the wrist and twang it so it hurts! this may help bring you back into reality...

it is horrid. i do understand and you are not alone.

big hugs,
Lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

SickofIt
17-09-05, 18:49
Jude,
You know well that I have also suffered with this. I totally agree with LisaS on this. I just don't let it bother me. I know that sounds so simplistic, but you have to remember that it is a symptom of anxiety and it will eventually go away when you can get a handle on the anxiety. I can always trace my feelings of DP back to a time of anxiety and panic that seemed out of control.
Something else LisaS said makes sense. I also "test" myself, which is truly bizarre.
I'm certainly no expert, but the anxiety has to be dealt with before we can expect the symptoms to go away. I totally understand how you feel and I know it's no consolation.
Have you gotten a new therapist yet?