Terrified of Driving

[LookingForLight]

Hi Everyone,
I'm middle-aged and have never had my driving licence. As a teenager I took the driving test twice and failed because I did not have enough training. As the years have gone by I have become more and more phobic about it... especially with all the rude drivers and road rage out there. It scares me terribly. I feel tremendous pressure to get my driving licence because my spouse is much older than I, and will not be able to drive for too many more years. Friends are always asking me about it and I always give the excuse that I can't afford the tests (financially). Now a friend has "surprised" me by giving me the money needed! Very generous of them but horrifying for me! Now I feel I have no choice!
It's not the actual mechanics of driving that scares me but the interaction and potential conflict with other drivers and pedestrians. I'm also petrified of having an accident! I can't imagine I would be safe to be on the road with all my anxiety and panic anyway!
Any suggestions? Anyone else been in the same sitution?
Thanks.

[Ophelia105]

I used to feel like this - every time I had a driving lesson I was terrified and used to cry afterwards as I was so stressed...I left it til I was 27 as I kept putting it off..

One of my most illuminating moments during my lessons was when I realsied that the other drivers on the road (and the pedestrians) were as much trying to keep out of my way as I was theirs!

All you can do is do your best - I have had a number of minor accidents - my favourite was backing the work's mini bus into a concrete bollard! But the sky didn't fall in so everything was fine.....

The advantage of being able to drive far outweighed the stress and anxiety of learning (and driving itself)

I think it's like anything else - the more you do it the less stressful it becomes.

I ended up with a mini bus licence and taking a bus full of teenagers to Dover once. I think nothing of driving long distances any more - mainly because I am used to it.

In fact with my fave CD or a radio 4 play it can be quite a nice experience - although I always have my mobile fully charged and with me - just in case..


Find an understanding instructor - even if it means going through more than one - tell them how you feel - you are paying them for a service so shop around until you get someone you feel comfortable with..

Go for it! You CAN do this!

[stephles]

I second everything Ophelia has said!

I am currently learning to drive and I know how you feel - I still worry myself sick before each lesson, but I have an instructor who can see panic in my body language and who calms me down. Ophelia is right - you don't have to stick with one instructor, if you're not getting along most driving schools will switch you to another instructor no questions asked.

Also, it's worth bearing in mind that most driving schools teach in cars with dual controls. If conflict is approaching and you do not feel you can deal with it, the instructor definitely will! They have clutch and brake pedals, and obviously can reach over and steer if necessary too (mine has had to do that a fair few times).

Good luck with everything, I really do hope you decide to start driving lessons because with each one comes an overwhelming sense of achievement, not to mention impending freedom!

If you ever want to chat then do send me a PM. :)

Good luck!

Steph

[JohnBliss]

Hi
I did not learn to drive until I was 34 and nothing has terrified me more than learning to drive. I'm sure that you will find in no time that driving will become second nature and you will think nothing of it.It's no bad thing to be wary of other drivers and anxious as you will be all the safer for your high state of awareness
Best of luck
John

[LookingForLight]

Thanks everyone for your great encouragement and sharing of your own experiences! It's boosted my confidence and made me feel that I am not alone.
Thanks again!

[mick_uk]

I was sure I would fail my test,but I passed easily.
Go for it :D

[Nechtan]

Hi,

From experience I've found the best way is to build confidence slowly. After being unable to drive for a year I've finally got back in the car again. I find firstly driving at quiet times helps a lot- very early or very late in the day. Then gradually ease yourself into busier times when the confidence starts to grow. The repetition of the quiet times does help build confidence.

Best of luck with it,

Nechtan

[pollyanna]

i first took lessons when i was 18, did a few, cost too much money at that time for me and gave up, in hindsight should have kept going as i was a bit of a worrier but didnt have a real rip roaring anxiety problem then... anyway fast forward a few years, took up lessons again when i was 30, but was kinda pushed in that direction and not entirely my choice, we had just bought a new car and my husband was promoted and got a company car, so there was a new car sitting in the drive just waiting for me, i had a very patient instructor, and i understood things a bit better this time around, or maybe he just explained it better, but before EVERY lesson, i would have terrible anxiety, diarrhoea, the dry mouth , jelly legs the works, and during my lesson i would have all the windows wide open , in the middle of winter as the sweat was pouring off me...lol... afterwards i always felt as if i had ran a marathon... but i kept at it...

I was due to sit my first test, got to the test centre and it had been cancelled due to icy conditions, i hadnt slept the night before and had worked myself up for it, i was gutted , i just wanted it over and done with... a few weeks later sat my test, and PASSED FIRST TIME... i was well chuffed i can tell you, i have been driving for 12 years now and it has made life easier and i do a lot more than if i had been relying on public transport, the only problem is that i really dont like driving on motorways, even as a passanger i get quite anxious, i have been on the motor way more than a handful of times, and i really dont like it, but that is something that i will tackle at some point, i really dont have any need to use motorways at the moment so doesnt really affect me...


if i can do it , you can do it, believe me, with the right instructor you can do it, take your time , build your confidence and you can do it.

best of luck

P x

[LookingForLight]

Thanks Mick_uk, Nechtan and pollyanna for your advice, sharing of experiences and your encouragement!
It's greatly appreciated!

[sandradee]

It's funny how so many of us panicky drivers passed our tests first time. Maybe we are more sensitive to other road users and more critical of our own supposed mistakes.

Some folks don't care and have a load of dents on their car....me...I like mine pristine. I reckon panickers are perfectionists. :) Nothing to be ashamed of.

[gary_2.0]

The best advice I can think to give is, 'don't believe the hype'. The media loves to play up conflict so only skim off the worst of society and attempt and scare us half to death to keep us buying their newspaper or watching their news reports. The very much have their own agenda.

I used to drive an awful lot and covered a wide area of the country in my job, but never saw anything which reflected the apparent anarchy which was happily exposed by the press. In fact I can't recall witnessing anything of significance. Don't assume we brits are quite as sedate and polite as our legend may have it either. Heh.

Another important aspect worth mentioning is, that it takes a certain type to become involved in any kind of conflict. Just as a pub brawl usually begins with an exchange of comments and dirty looks, as people size up to each other, so any incident on the road follows a similar interaction, with neither party wanting to back down prior to anything kicking off. Obviously there are exceptions, and 'what-ifs?', but so there are with everything in life.

I honestly don't think you have any real concern, it's just one's natural fear of the unknown. A good instructor will allay you of your worst fears too.

I actually think your age is an advantage too. I think I was into my thirties before I learnt to drive. Ultimately the feeling of independence one gets from being mobile is wonderful, it really is, and I strongly urge you to battle those fears and do it. I wish you the very best and please let us know how you get on or need more encouragement. :yesyes:
http://img212.imageshack.us/img212/7516/happydriver.gif

[LookingForLight]

Gary_2.0
I really appreciate your advice. There definitely is a lot of hype in the media! What has added to my anxiety is being a regular passanger in a car with a fairly aggressive driver who has no qualms about "getting into it" with other drivers (verbally that is). Each incident just increases my tension levels... and then it just seems like a "war zone" out there!

[Worrier]

Hey Lookingforlight,

I just say GO FOR IT. What do you have to lose? And the sense of independence you will feel when you can drive yourself will be amazing.

After driving in the UK for 12 years I moved to the US and had to retrain myself to drive on the other side of the road. Interesting lol. I still don't like to drive the highways here but just had to do it because you can't live here without being able to drive. Everything is just so spread out.

Also I had to drive 1400 miles on the highways when we moved and I was so worried about I just thought I could never do it, wrangling on the road with all the trucks and crazy drivers. But of course I did it and it was okay.

Stay positive and just think of all the places you will be able to take yourself to when you get your license.

Good luck
Natalie x

[LookingForLight]

Thanks Natalie for the boost of confidence!

[melancholia555]

I have a phobia of driving, i am in my 20's and i already get people asking me about it.. its kinda stressful. I hope everything turns out well for you...

[Bluebelle]

I have had a fear of driving and sometimes it was so bad I couldn't even be a passenger !

I have started driving again out of neccessity as my regular 'driver' is no longer able to help me -similar to your situation.

I was two horrible car accidents and I have an extreme fear of vehicles. I could barely sit in one at the start ! I began just sitting in the vehicle and listening to the radio for about 5 minutes a day and just gradually increased my time. Anyway I haven't driven in more than 10 years and I started driving in the quiet times while listening to classical music. At first I would just drive a short distance to an empty parking lot and then when my anxiety subsided I would drive home.

It has helped and whereas I wouldn't have believed it possible 6 months ago-I am now able to go on errands myself. I am trying to get as much experince in driving before the snow and ice start -that is going to be another challenge.

I am now taking short trips on highway 401 going into Toronto. Most people in my community are unable to drive on this highway so I feel comforted in knowing that I am not alone in my fears.

You'll be amazed how quickly your anxiety levels drop once you get going in the vehicle. Even just driving around an empty parking lot helped me. I approached the whole thing as thorugh I was learning to drive for the very first time and tried different parking techniques.

Another facet of my driving fear (besides being in an accident, ruining a vehicle, possibly hurting someone ) was I terrified of upsetting my fellow drivers. I try and tell myself I am never going to see these people (in the other vehicles) again so I shouldn't be as concerned. My sister also stressed to me that if someone had a problem with my driving they would pass me-so I shouldn't worry about them-just worry about your own vehicle.

I hope you feel more comfortable about getting into a vehicle as a driver-it is so hard but you can do it!

Love-Bluebelle

[LookingForLight]

Dear Bluebelle,
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your story with me. It was very encouraging! I really appreciate the support and I wish you well.
Love,
LookingForLight
:)