Its rearing it ugly head again..trying to float..

[evita]

First thank you for "listening", been having a tough week. Been doing so well the last few months with a minimum dose of meds. And now suddenly the past few weeks been feeling "small tremors in a straight line". Feeling like small waves are forming before the tidal wave. Anyone know what I mean?
Within two weeks my puppy got a bad concussion, we had to leave our lovely home (we did luckily find something else) and my dad was hospitalized and it was touch and go. He is my world after my mum passed away few years ago, from almost the same disease. So I know that any "normal" person would be stressed too but anyway i am dissapointed at myself for starting to feel anxious and stressed. I am scared to sit even for a moment and relxed cause am afraid that "it" will hit me. Feel like am on the edge and have to be doing something all the time otherwize god knows what happens..
I am just so afraid that I cant handle this that if the panics start again there is no ending and it will just get worse and worse until am back to the start. And I have worked so hard for this. Is there anyone out there who has been on the road to recovery, been doing ok and suddenly had a relapse but that has just lasted a while and not gotten worse?
Thank you so much in advance
-Evita

[ladybird64]

Hiya.

My panics are linked with agoraphobia which I have had for the best part of 20 years.
The only treatment I have received was a short period of exposure therapy, after the therapy finished I was supposed to continue by myself, putting myself in the situations that I knew would terrify me to prove that these situations weren't really harmful to me. All well and good in practice but not workable in the real world!
So I spent a year and a half after this therapy sliding back downhill and know ing that I was doing so was the worst feeling.
I have been a member of NMP for just over a year. I have listened to the recommendations, have bought the Claire Weekes books and listened to the downloads. I have had fairly big "successes" and more than a few disappointments.
At some point in the last few months I have suddenly realised that the most important thing in my recovery is to allow myself time. We fight our panics, push, push to get better and then when we have stresses we kick ourselves for not being able to cope as well as we think we should.
I no longer tell myself "you HAVE" to cope. It would be good if I can but if I can't there is always another day.
In the past 2 weeks I have been alone to a place that terrified me witless less than a year ago. Yes, I had the "waves" but you know something? There was no wipeout, nothing hiding behind the waves. I was scared, felt panicky but it didnt develop into a full blown panic..because even if it had, then that was ok..not the end of the world.
This week I was at a DIY shop. The shop has a large car park that used to scare me silly, particularly as it is next to a railway line and I am terrified of railway lines. I got out of the minicab with my husband and asked him to wait before we went into the shop. The reason? I felt nothing..no fear, no panic, no waves..nothing. It had no hold over me..my fear is crumbling bit by bit.

The point of my (long!) post is to ask you to allow yourself the time you need. It is ok to be scared, it is ok to be anxious, it is ok to go with the flow of how you are feeling.
The Claire Weekes books preached "acceptance" and "floating"..I could never accept it but what I can say is that it really doesn't matter..I shall keep chipping away at the fear piece by piece, in my own way.
Don't give up, don't feel scared, give yourself the time that you need and maybe set your sights a little lower for a while.

Good luck and PM me if you need to. :)

[evita]

Thank you so much ladybird, what a lovely and encouraging mail. Made me cry but in a good way and I really do believe also that the key (if there has to be one) is to not trying to control it. I have a bad way of controling everything in my life, from people being sick, me being sick, driving, work, etc (flying, have to almost stair at the wings so they dont fall). I feel like I have to be on guard otherwize something bad happens. Which is ridicilous cause I do know Im not "omnipotent".. Still I think it is the same with gad and panic I have, I try to be in control. I have felt that I have "controlled" it for a while and now its slipping away. And Im angry at "life" for throwing challenges my way just when I was getting along so much better :) Even though I know that eeryone goes through good and bad times.
That was beautifully said about the "chipping fear piece by piece" I will remember that. And I will try to set my sights lower for a while.
BTW you have been doing great! Good for you!

[loudspeaker]

Hello,

As you will see I am a newbie here, but thought to make this my first message as I can relate to much that has been said.

I firmly believe that when we experience these strange feelings in our bodies there is usually a good reason why they occur.

In my case when my father died some 25 years ago not long after his passing I used to get terrible muscular pains in both my hands and would often feel like a spring had burst in my heart, this was all anxiety I believe, and some months after the symptoms vanished.

However when my mother died things were similar in that I experienced a panic attack one morning when getting ready for work, it was like my heart started to race and I felt faint, to cut a long story short I had my heart checked and they said there was nothing serious, so I put this down to the death of my mother and also a roadside accident I was involved in some 2 months earlier.

Unfortunately though I get and funnily enough it happened when I was sitting on the sofa a pressure felt in both ears together with a felling in my stomach and throat that I was going to pass out, I do get this on occasions, and wondered if you folks have every experienced anything like this, as it can happen when just in a resting position.

I do have one of those Lloyds Pharmacy Blood pressure monitors, and the readings appear to be normal apart from when I put the cuff and connect it to my right arm, I always get strange readings for that arm but normally fine with the left arm.

I currently take a beta blocker and a capsule for acid reflux, the latter I often wonder if this is the cause of the panic feelings.

Hope to hear what you think, and can add more as the thread goes on.

Regards

[evita]

Hi and welcome!
Yes,I think too that panic and anxiety is often the result of bottled up feelings. And it is no wonder that you had your attacks start after the passing of your parents.
About that stomach stuff, my panics often "start" with a horrible sinking/adrenalin feeling in my stomach. Feel like just went down with a rollercoaster. And I get ringing in my ears. But not sure if that is the same as you described. It can be so that after you get the first sensation eg. stomach or ears, you subconciously alert your nervous system and it leads you feeling like passing out.
ps. I have always been sure that every pill, starting fro every antibiotic and even some vitamins cause panic attacks..which obviously cant be true.. not that im saying that the apsules you eat wont do it but there could be a possibility

[loudspeaker]

Hi evita,

What you say is very true, we just never know what those pills actually do after we have taken them.

I can concur what you say when you spoke about the feeling in the stomach, I get the very same, and it can lead to panic as you mentioned.

What worries me is with my father having heart disease, and my mother had problems with missed beats in her heart with rapid beats etc, it's no wonder why I feel the way I do now, although they often say "The creaking door hangs the longest" don't they.

[evita]

haha :D Yes, I think I will still be here, posting messages on the health anxiety threads when Im 90... :blush:
If you are really worried, you should go and just have it checked out, even if you are 99% sure its nothing to worry about. Just to reassure you. If you already havent done so..Im sure its nothing to worry about but I know how it feels to worry, dont we all..

[evita]

ps. and i know why you feel so anxious about it, my parents had/have serious issues with hearts too and I have to fight with my self not to run to a cardiologist every year.

[loudspeaker]

I totally understand.

I actually had a medical student ask if she could visit me the other day, to which I said yes, and we chatted for 4 hours solid. And the funny thing is she had been sitting in the Doctors room the last time I visited the doctor, and they say to you just prior to entering the room, "Is it ok for a student to sit in during the consultation" of course we always say "yes" don't we, and it was the very same student that came to visit my house, nice person she was too.