the8th
19-09-05, 21:34
I dropped out of college last week. After the week of school I noticed anxiety would build up for the next day until I would make myself nauseous with it everynight and wake up dreading even getting in the car. I transferred to an online Creative Writing program that is only about a year and gets me a certificate but no diploma.
The thing is after that things haven't gone as well as I would have hoped. I feel like I've taken two steps back. Yesterday I wasn't eating a lot because I was so concentrated on my breathing it was giving me anxiety, and I choked on a piece of bread for a few seconds and then became more conscious everytime I put something in my mouth... so I got sick after not really eating and got dizzy and had to rest. Today I am supposed to attend my brother's farewell party (he is moving to England for a year) but I don't know if I can do it. I still feel pretty weak but I also feel really anxious because I had three anxiety attacks in the car last night. Ugh, I hate this. What should I do? I'm finding it so hard to believe that I'm not in real danger just because my body is acting as if I am. I hate how it starts spreading to different areas of my life. Really I just want it to go away but I know the only way is through exposure therapy and self confidence. Should I just go tonight, try to prove to myself that I will be okay? Or maybe I will not be okay... I don't know.
The thing is after that things haven't gone as well as I would have hoped. I feel like I've taken two steps back. Yesterday I wasn't eating a lot because I was so concentrated on my breathing it was giving me anxiety, and I choked on a piece of bread for a few seconds and then became more conscious everytime I put something in my mouth... so I got sick after not really eating and got dizzy and had to rest. Today I am supposed to attend my brother's farewell party (he is moving to England for a year) but I don't know if I can do it. I still feel pretty weak but I also feel really anxious because I had three anxiety attacks in the car last night. Ugh, I hate this. What should I do? I'm finding it so hard to believe that I'm not in real danger just because my body is acting as if I am. I hate how it starts spreading to different areas of my life. Really I just want it to go away but I know the only way is through exposure therapy and self confidence. Should I just go tonight, try to prove to myself that I will be okay? Or maybe I will not be okay... I don't know.