thoughts

[RoeP]

I'm not sure if I'm even in the right place...I was married for 34 years. About 45 days ago I found out from my son that my husband was seeing "ladies of the night" for years..he took my grown son, family members and friends..it was a good old boy secret ..I moved out..and I'm so sad..I cry, can't sleep, wake-up at night seeing him with young women in the booths..I feel so ugly..I'm 53 and they are 18 to 21. I went from living in a 6 bedroom victorian home to a one room studio. I went to my doctor for help and he gave me pills for everything..I haven't taken any yet..but I did get an aids test..which came back ok..My family has divided..I love him but I can't love him..I'm making no sense..I just want the hurt to stop..I went from a full life to no life.
I' might be typing in the wrong place..
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself..but how?
maybe someone can help.. even just a little..
I can't breathe when I need to see the lawyer..I'm embarrased
Roseann

[alexis]

Hi Roseann, first and foremost welcome to the site I think you will find some wonderful people and replies on here.There will be a lot of support for you.
Please dont feel embarrassed about anything, and dont think you are feeling sorry for yourself you are not....you have not done anything wrong and it must be difficult for you,You should not feel ugly.
i am sure lots of people will be along to help but please feel free to pm if you fancy a chat, you are on the right road now Love Alexis,

[in1peace]

Dear Roseann,
I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare! I hope you stick around this site, because you will find lots of people who understand and who truly care!
When I found out my husband cheated on me, one thing that kept me going was a very kind psychologist who kept saying, "Your job now is to collect data. Take care of yourself, nurture yourself and COLLECT DATA." What he meant was, distract your anxiety riddled mind by collecting as much info about your ex as possible. You don't know whether you will need to use it or not. You won't need to decide to do anything right now. Don't feel like you have to make any decisions. Just collect as much information about what happened, about what your husband has been doing, with whom, when and get any proof of anything you can find. Don't worry about whether you are going to use this information, or how. Just do it. It will help your mind stay busy.
Try to get as much rest as possible. Take it easy on yourself. You are not responsible for how your husband and son acted. Seek out friends and family who are nurturing and positive people right now.
I am sending up prayers for you right now.
If you need to talk to anyone, feel free to PM me.
Hang in there. This will pass. It may feel horrible, but it will pass and you will eventually get through this.
Take good care of yourself first!
Andrea

"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)

[clickaway]

Hi there and welcome, so good to have you on board.

I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now, and for the past 45 days. My first port of call would be a counsellor or therapist since you need someone to talk to you to get your mind a bit clearer - and you need comfort. I can imagine there has been a cocktail of emotions whirring around lately.

So what pills has the doctor prescribed and why are they remaining unopened? Is it fear?

I don't take any anxiety drugs myself on a regular basis, so instead see a psychotherapist. I suppose there's no right or wrong way, but you need to go forward and regain your old self.

As for feeling ugly, this is of course purely psychological and I imagine is a reaction to your perception of his young ladies. We are all beautiful in our own special way, so why not make affirmations about your most positive qualities.

Take Care - there is plenty of comforting help and advice on this site.

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[Meg]

Roseann

How you're feeling is completely reasonable. I would be more worried if you were carrying on as normal. You're grieving for a lost relationship, a lost husband and your sudden change of life and this will take time and several steps.

Do you have friends that you can rely on and who are supporting and bolstering you right now?

Well done for going to get checked out. You will be embarrassed initially but as you accept that this was not your behaviour but his - this will ease and you can stand up straight and move forward.

Look after yourself and make sure you do do things that you find enjoyment in.





Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Sue K with 5]

Hi

Im am so sorry you have been through so much lately, wow its a lot to take on board in such a short period of time!

Firstly take some time for you, you really need to concentrate on staying healthy and keeping your mind on the most important issues.

53 is not a crime, and trust me when I say that he will regret this one day, neither are you ugly! Ugliness is within not outside.

Your family will eventually knit themselves back together, if family is important to you then concentrate on that after you have given yourself some YOU time.

You will have a life again, trust me, it does not end because you have changed direction, in fact it can only get better

Go see a lawyer, and start taking slow steps each day

anytime you need to chat please feel free to pm


sue with 5


scknight

[Elaine1]

Hi Roseann

Firstly a big welcome to the site and for having the strength of character to post. GOOD POSITIVE STEP

As others have said, you are not ugly and here, please never feel embarrassed about anything. It a forum where peole can speak freely and gain support.

It is good you have been checked out by the doctor the the results were negative (another positive step).

As Susan said, with time your family will find a way to come back together, just take it slowly, small steps and all that and as others have said do you have a close friend who can really support you and make you feel better about yourself?

REMEMBER YOU HAVE NOT CHANGED IT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S BEHAVIOUR THAT HAS.

Keep talking to your doctor and if he/she recommends someone to talk to like a counsellor, you may find this could help. You might find someone like this easier than your lawyer at this moment - just a thought.

Keep posting, so we can support you or feel free to pm me.

Take great care of yourself

with love

Elaine XX

[RoeP]

I received some very good advice and support here so I thought I'd leave a qick note..my first therapy session is next Thurs. [Yes!] I'm not sure about spilling my quts to a stranger but I did it here and..I'm still alive..so thanks
Roe

[alexis]

I felt like that when I went for my first help session but just go with the flow, see how you feel on the day, take care, let us know how you get on, love XXX

Alexis

[RoeP]

I went for my first therapy session today..and she didn't make me say 10000 Our Fathers and 20000 Hail Marys..One thing the therapist said that made sense was to get myself healthy..then we can work on others issues..I knew I wasn't healthy..I'm sick with a cold/flu..no energy due to lack of sleep..I've lost 15lbs in 1 1/2 months..my eating habits have changed even my hair feels different..she took lots of notes..(she does this on the first session) She asked me to contact my insurance company and ask for approval..I thought that was her job..?..hummm
first step completed..thanks for the good advice
Roe

[in1peace]

Roe,
So glad to hear that you are making progress on taking care of yourself!! Be good to yourself, be gentle on yourself!
I had to be the one to contact my insurance company about whether my psychologist and psychiatrist were covered. I think that's pretty normal.
Let us know how things are going! We're all pulling for you!!
Andrea

"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)

[eeyorelover]

Hi Roe,
I'm glad that you are talking to someone about this. Just remember that it will take some time to sort through everything that you are thinking and feeling. Give yourself that time that you need. And about you feeling sorry for yourself - well why not? We all need that from time to time and for gosh sakes you have just experienced a life altering change. You have the right to feel sorry for yourself. You have the right too to be mad at him, to hate him and still love him, to wonder why, to cry, to yell, to sleep, to not sleep and then when you have gotten that all out of your system - you have the right to move on. To find happiness again, and even eventually to put it all behind you.
I know that it is hard and I remember thinking 'what did I do that would make him do this'. But it's not you it's him. It's his insecurity or just his stupidity that did this - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT !!!
If you need to talk - I am here for you

Sandy
(eeyorelover)

If the world didn't suck... we'd all fall off :)

[clickaway]

Hi Roe,

Glad to hear that your first session went OK.

Its important for you to trust and 'connect' with your therapist, so you feel comfortable with her. I hope that this is the case.

During 2004 I lost some weight which was all to do with changing sleep patterns, lack of physical activity and the resultant changing food intake. This is has now stabalised and in fact my diet has now improved.

Anxiety and depression can cause a loss of appetite. Additionally, your changed lifestyle and mood may result in less effort in preparing meals if you are anything like me[Oops!]. But I do discipline myself to minimise ready meals and aim for plenty of fruit and veg.

Rewards are important though. Now you have started with your therapist, why not give yourself a little treat. Such as a lovely ice cream[Yeah!]

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers