Fear if becoming criminal/ prison?

[Ryanthegunner]

Hey all.

Im a 17 year old, and i believe i have been suffering from Anxiety badly for the last 3 weeks.

It started on a Friday night 3 weeks back now. I went out with some work mates, got pretty drunk, woke up the Saturday hung over. Saturday evening at work i went really light headed and thought i was going to pass out (prob the alchol). But the next day i went to work and felt worse. I felt like i wasnt really there. But then the Monday i still felt pretty rubbish. Then i was watching an American program called 90210, and one the girls had a baby. I started panicing really badly what if i turn into a peadophile. I told my mum straight away and couldnt breathe and basically a panic attack. I couldnt sleep that night, i was awake at 5 o'clock and had to stay in my mums bed because i was terrified.

That day we went to the doctors, he just thought i was a bit down because i spent to long on the xbox and the computer. He also gave me some propanlol which i think made me worse. So a week had gone, i was still scared to be alone, was afraid of my room, costantly kept thinking i was going to become a peadophille, was scared of things that reminded me of children and gave me small panic attacks.

I feel i have improved the last week, im waiting to get into councelling, im taking st johns wart (whilst waiting for 5HTP in the post). But i still feel like i cant ignore certain things, like when i see the word school, or someone says something that reminds me. I fear i may read something on the internet or see something that will make me worse.

Does this sound like anxiety/ OCD? I keep thinking i have something seriously wrong with me, and think if i end up like one of thoose freak (peados) id rather be dead. Like i said i feel im slightly improving but its still there.

Does anyone have any tips or advice for me? Is the anyone else with the same sort of problem as me? It makes me feel better to be slightly re assured i am normal, and i will get back to my normal, happy, full of energy self.

[Ryanthegunner]

Ive been to the doctor twice, he thought it was jus GAD which whould just pass given time. Ive been looking on the internet and in books about it so i have an idea. I want to stay of any drugs really as im still young and dont want to be rellying on anything. Now ive had this big worry for the last few weeks, when i look back i think ive had it for some time just not that bad, and i havent really thought about it or doing anything about it.

[Anxious_gal]

you should really search the forum for pedophilia fear.
lots of people with anxiety have really weird thoughts and strange fears.
it's normal when you have anxiety

[WillyB]

Im suffering from something extremely similar so you arnt alone. I'm 18 and i got this panic 3 weeks ago from a poor night out, got pretty drunk and ended up feeling down when i got back early in the morning. The next night i couldnt sleep, was nearly sick form panic. I have a terrible fear, i wont go into it but its just not me, like you said. Its like ive changed completely within the last 3 weeks. I keep asking myself questions like, what if what if? what if this, what if that, what will happen. I really hate feeling like this and i keep having terrible thoughts about becoming a person i really dont want to be. I just cant understand. Its made me very depressed, i dont enjoy any of the things i did 3 weeks ago, video games, computers. Now i fear, if i dont like my hobbies any more, what am i going to do in my life? career? i wanted a job in computing, now i dont know if i even like computers. I start questioning myself, do i really like video games? or am i just saying to myself yes because i want to be 'normal'.

I went to the doctor last week, i was a wreck. He gave me propranolol. Ive been taking them for a week as well as 'Kalms tablets' I find these help a bit. Every morning i wake up and feel dreadful. I might start to feel a little better, cheerful, peaceful, then i will think of how much i was worrying earlier and what i was worried about and BAM it all comes back. Struck with fear, panic, worry. I think of being dead, so all this would go away. I could never harm myself because of my family, i know if i did anything my family would be devastated. I just want to go back 3 weeks.

So really, you arnt alone, we are suffering very alike caused from a similar event. We cant give up and give into these thoughts, we must fight them away.

[london]

its ocd i think it wont happen mate, loads of people have that thought look on here
wish you better

[jackie13]

Hi Guys

What is it with 3 weeks ago? Same has happened to me! I went to London on a big night out, got very drunk and have suffered for the past 2 weeks with extreme anxiety, depression and terrible thoughts.

I do feel alot better now, however, it is still on my mind. I think when I get drunk it opens all sorts of doors in your mind and I feel it then takes a while for me to deal with them and close the doors again.

Alcohol is a HUGE downer and messes with your chems really badly.

Hang in there, you will be fine, try and keep yourself busy.

Jackie xx

[Oceanblue]

I believe it's obsessional thoughts/OCD - You will not act on them !! I know you're scared though, but it won't happen. These thoughts are clearly heightening your Anxiety.

You'll be ok - only I feel you should maybe try and cope with them, or receive help from your GP with medication to dampen these thoughts down and help you through your anxiety.

Take care and try not to worry so much.

[phil06]

I have suffered this fear before. Not one of my biggest but I've spent a whole day worrying about what you said above.

[Ryanthegunner]

Wow Willy we do sound really alike. I will go through a spell of 15mins where i feel not normal buy OK. Then i will turn round and something will trigger it, sometimes even colours, or toys or stupid things like that. It causes me to think and worry. I feel like im scared of certain words because they will set me off. Ive had 2 weeks of work now. I went in for 2 days then on the Sunday i was scared broke down and couldnt go in. So had to call the doc to give me a sick note.

Ive read about all the people with this and it does make me feel a bit relieved im not alone and im not messed up.

Cheers for the comments guys.

[WillyB]

Yeah mine gets triggered easy by certain words. Can i ask if you have lost interest in things? Ive lost interest in all the things i used to love. Now i fear this is how i will be forever and i will never get a job or pursue further education with relation to my interests.

[Ryanthegunner]

Well. I do in some sense. I went to play football with my mates. Felt sick straight away (this was day two mind you) and i had to come home. I have played snooker a few times which has been okay but not the best of fun. I seem to have spells when i think everything is so pointless and a waste of time. I think i need a girlfriend or something to take my mind somewhere else to tell the truth. Wont make me better but might help. (Sound like a bit of a tool now lol)

[Ryanthegunner]

Sounds like we are on the same boat then

[Worry-wart]

While reading this I realized something. I have always hated hights, but I just realized that when exposed to them, which is really rare, I have the thought "What if I jump". Oh my god, I get a pit in my stomach three miles deep. I crouch down and hang on to the railing. I never thought about the fact that it was OCD but the thought that I might loose control of my own actions and jump swarms my brain and I can't get it out. Luckily I have to really stand close to the railing and look over to triger it so it doesn't really affect me often.

You will definitely not act on it. It's the one thing you will never do, but you fear loosing control of your own actions. It's only fear.

[Ryanthegunner]

Yer after reading other people things it sounds fairly normal. I have a fear of planes (what if it crashes) i have fear of height (what if i fall) it all adds up now ive had this really bad spell. I just need to push it out of my head.